Pregnant and in a sorority - Page 8

SthrnZeta · #**106** 01-18-2008, 05:10 PM

I hate to sound harsh, but if she really loved ZTA as much as she says she does, then she would fight a lot harder to stay in. It's that simple. And I have to also remind her that a sorority is more than just a club you join in college - they stress to you during your whole NM period that this is a lifetime commitment, hence the reason behind Link Week (a time of reflection prior to Initiation) to really heavily consider the commitment you are about to make because it is forever.

SthrnZeta · #**107** 01-18-2008, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

If they wanted me to go early alum they would have helped me already.

It's YOUR membership, it's not up to them to make sure you stay in. You're old enough to get married and have a baby, you're old enough to fight your own battles.

lilzetakitten · #**108** 01-18-2008, 05:27 PM

ZTAberry, I totally get that right now you have bigger things to worry about than Zeta. A child is a huge commitment, as is marriage! But this advice is coming from another collegiate, not an alumna. I don't have the same pressing issues you do, but I am in the same life stage.

Your chapter sisters had their chance to deny membership to you as you went through recruitment. However, when they chose to give you a bid, the ball went into your court, and it's been there ever since. They have absolutely NO RIGHT to deny you your membership in ZTA.

Do you have a close relationship with any of your advisors? Even if you don't, I'm certain that they would be more than happy to help you keep your membership. The EC of your chapter is not the be-all, end-all to ZTA. You can very easily go over their heads, and that's your right completely.

Even if you don't want to do this for you right now, think about what it would mean if you had a girl, to know that you could share that sisterhood with her. It's always very special to my chapter when we get a legacy, especially when her family member can come to her initiation.

Like I mentioned, this is your choice, and I don't doubt that you love ZTA. But you have just as much right to keep your membership as any other initiated sister.

couggirl · #**109** 01-18-2008, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilzetakitten

Do you have a close relationship with any of your advisors? Even if you don't, I'm certain that they would be more than happy to help you keep your membership. The EC of your chapter is not the be-all, end-all to ZTA. You can very easily go over their heads, and that's your right completely.

It sounded from a post in the start of this thread that she is close to her Big sister, maybe she could help her with (at least) moral support???

kddani · #**110** 01-19-2008, 10:04 AM

You all keep begging her to try to stay. To be quite honest, she doesn't really seem like she wants to stay a ZTA. Yes, she has other, more important things on her mind, but it really doesn't seem very important to her. So why beg someone to stay in your organization if they don't really care about it?

AOII Angel · #**111** 01-19-2008, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kddani

You all keep begging her to try to stay. To be quite honest, she doesn't really seem like she wants to stay a ZTA. Yes, she has other, more important things on her mind, but it really doesn't seem very important to her. So why beg someone to stay in your organization if they don't really care about it?

I think the reason why alums from ZTA and other chapters are trying to retain this woman is simply because it's our job to convince women that sorority life is not just a college club. If we claim that sisterhood is for life, then silently watch as a women drops out, our claims would be empty and meaningless. If a collegiate member wants to drop, then she should drop with the full knowledge of everything she will miss out on for the rest of her life. If losing future benefits is okay with her, then go ahead and drop. She only pledged to be in a college club and that's all she'll get.

Zeta13Girl · #**112** 01-19-2008, 12:47 PM

I think some of us make the mistake of thinking everyone in our organizations is in it for a lifetime and thats just not how it is for many girls.... we have given her the information and she can do with it what she wants its all here for her to refer to.....

kddani · #**113** 01-19-2008, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zeta13Girl

I think some of us make the mistake of thinking everyone in our organizations is in it for a lifetime and thats just not how it is for many girls.... we have given her the information and she can do with it what she wants its all here for her to refer to.....

Exactly. She was given all the information, then still decided to drop. As much as we believe a sorority is for life, we can't MAKE people stay in it. It just seems desperate for everyone to beg her to stay when she really hasn't shown even the slightest inkling of desire to stay a ZTA.

Tom Earp · #**114** 01-19-2008, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kddani

Exactly. She was given all the information, then still decided to drop. As much as we believe a sorority is for life, we can't MAKE people stay in it. It just seems desperate for everyone to beg her to stay when she really hasn't shown even the slightest inkling of desire to stay a ZTA.

And you know this how?

Have you ever been in this position, I doubt it!

I am sure she is out or on here asking for help on what she should try to do!

It seems that she cares about ZTA and cares about them very much.

She is in a dire situation and is a lost sole, scared and looking for some help and leadership!

Were you ever young?

DZRose · #**115** 01-19-2008, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ztaberry28

None of this is easy for me and I wish ya'll would appreciate that Im not gonna force myself into early alum if its not what my chapter wants. Realistically the seniors probably are doing this to me to show how unhappy they are about it and I dont blame my other sister for not telling them. If they wanted me to go early alum they would have helped me already.

Y'know, I was pretty content to just read along with the thread and see where it went until I read the response above.

My first reaction? Who cares what the Seniors think or want...what do YOU want?!? Your chapter members should have NO SAY in what your future in ZTA is, even if they'd like to think that they do. If you value your sisterhood, then fight to keep it! Don't let a bunch of girls who "are doing this to me (you) to show how unhappy they are about it" take that away from you. I went to a big SEC school, I know the kind of attitudes that can be generated in large chapters. Don't let the inter-politics ruin what could be (when you are ready again) the most enriching and long-lasting relationships of your life.

Your repsonses to being early alumn have been so negative ("I'm not gonna force myself into early alumn status"), it makes me wonder if you are really understanding the concept? At least investigate the option. If it just isn't for you, then so-be-it. But don't just take what a bunch of girls who may or may not be mad at you tell you and decide your sorority fate for you.

That said, if you are content to just sit there and take whatever they tell you at face value...then fine. I would think that going early alumn would be a win-win, but if you are okay with severing your membership with the sorority you love so much, then ultimately that's your decision that you'll have to live with. As long as you make the right decision for you, not the right decision for your chapter.

knight_shadow · #**116** 01-19-2008, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom Earp

And you know this how?
...
I am sure she is out or on here asking for help on what she should try to do!
...

She was given advice from several people. They can only give her so much guidance; the ultimate decision lies with her. And as much as it may hurt her sisters, she's an adult, so she can make adult decisions.

SWTXBelle · #**117** 01-19-2008, 08:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom Earp

And you know this how?

Have you ever been in this position, I doubt it!

I am sure she is out or on here asking for help on what she should try to do!

It seems that she cares about ZTA and cares about them very much.

She is in a dire situation and is a lost sole, scared and looking for some help and leadership!

Were you ever young?

Did you read the responses? She has been given very good, firm advice from her sister ZTAs and other GLO members - and has made it clear that she isn't really looking for advice, as she doesn't intend to take it. I guess she came here looking for support or validation for a course of action she had already determined to follow. That is certainly her right, but don't you dare start with your negative attitude when my fellow NPC women have given her every chance to PROVE her so-called love for ZTA by treating it as more than a college club. She really just wants the easy way out - which is fine - but we are going to call a spade a spade. I realize you LIVE to castigate certain individuals as much as possible, but this really gets me, because it so totally unwarranted.
Yes, we have all been young, and many of us have dealt with the issue of early alumnae status as collegians and alumnae advisors. She has received support, positive advice, and encouragement.

Thetagirl218 · #**118** 01-19-2008, 10:52 PM

I know this may be a strange question now, but can she just give up her membership? I guess maybe another ZTA can answer this.

I know in Theta, we don't have inactive status, so if an active was in this situation she would have to go early alum.

ZTAmillz · #**119** 01-19-2008, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thetagirl218

I know this may be a strange question now, but can she just give up her membership? I guess maybe another ZTA can answer this.

I know in Theta, we don't have inactive status, so if an active was in this situation she would have to go early alum.

We do not have inactive status in ZTA either. Thats why everyone is so encouraging her to go early alum. She should call her advisor or someone at IO and she could stay in ZTA if she understand that it is a lifetime.

zl

Drolefille · #**120** 01-20-2008, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Did you read the responses? She has been given very good, firm advice from her sister ZTAs and other GLO members - and has made it clear that she isn't really looking for advice, as she doesn't intend to take it. I guess she came here looking for support or validation for a course of action she had already determined to follow. That is certainly her right, but don't you dare start with your negative attitude when my fellow NPC women have given her every chance to PROVE her so-called love for ZTA by treating it as more than a college club. She really just wants the easy way out - which is fine - but we are going to call a spade a spade.

One can want and listen to advice even if they choose not to follow it.
If ZTA is not a high enough priority for her to fight for at this point in time, then this is understandable. She has a lot of other things that are higher on her list of priorities. She is now aware that she has the option of going alum, but appears to feel as if this is her chapter's way of telling her they disapprove of her pregnancy. Her response is to turn away from them, very natural. One can love something and choose to let it go.

I realize who this post was in response to, hence it's abrasiveness, but you're making a lot of assumptions about a young woman based apparently only on the fact that she's choosing not to follow advice that, while well intentioned, may not be in her best interests at this time.