Mom new to Greek, daughter rushing. needs help

[33girl]

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

well I'm not sure which friends were in which houses. it's not something we discuss. haha. and are the forms online forms - because then I wouldn't mind asking. but like I said, rush is this weekend, and I don't really want to ask these ladies to run around trying to get a form from the university. Also, all references have to be from ladies? I know a few fraternity dads too. ha

Refs all have to be from women who are sorority alumnae.

Ask them what sorority they were in, and then they'll take it from there. Many of the sororities do have their forms available online.

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

Well, i think i dropped the ball because rush starts this weekend and i wouldn't impose on my friends at this late date -

YOU did not drop the ball. This is your daughter's event and she is now old enough to be doing things on her own. Sit back, take a deep breath, and just let her experience it. Enjoy it when she shares stories with you, but allow yourself to let her do this on her own. She is a big girl and will thank you for it!

And read more of the stickies. All of your questions are answered there.

[scoobydoo]

well, at least when she calls home, i'll understand what in the heck she's talking about. haha. she is so short with me lately when i try to ask questions.... ahhh... growing up and getting away from home- gotta love it. I really do. but i miss her too.

[scoobydoo]

and if she gets in. she does. if she doesn't it wasn't meant to be. :]

[Kansas City]

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

i'm not worried. i'm excited! she is my first to go to college and she is going to participate in something i never did and i want to learn about it so when she talks to me about it, i don't bombard her with lack of understanding. that's why I'm here.

In this situation, might it be best to let your daughter go through the process on her own and then inform you with her own personal experiences as they relate to her particular campus and Panhellenic culture? Our information (as posted in the stickies) is pretty general and your daughter’s situation is bound to vary slightly. Also, if recruitment is within the next week, you might not have the time or ability (past deadlines?) to worry about recommendation letters, etc. I'm sure that if your daughter is at least half as excited as you seem to be, she'll be more than happy to inform you of how her process went. Good luck.

[scoobydoo]

thanks for the information ladies. it was helpful. have a good day!

[baci]

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

and if she gets in. she does. if she doesn't it wasn't meant to be. :]

I love that you want to know as much as possible about what your daughter is going through. I also love that you are willing to "ask away" and take whatever comes your way! Your daughter is lucky to have you!!! Good for you and I wish her the very best. You have a nice zest for life.

[AZ-AlphaXi]

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

AZ - are you a mother of a daughter who is an AZ now? Do all you ladies have daughters in houses?

I am a member of Alpha Xi Delta who lives in Arizona .. I don't have any daughters :-( .. I do have a son who is an active fraternity member at the University of Arizona.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

1. what kinds of things are discussed at the decision phase when the girls have gone through and met some of the new pnms? There are so many girls to consider, how do they keep them all straight?

2. When you say, "keep your options open" regarding putting down after each time you go through your 'top' houses. I'm sure it will be just as nerve wracking for my daughter to have to choose based on such quick meetings. therefore, how can she keep her options 'open' while continuing to cut and they are doing the same?

3. maximize by going to all the events. I'm sure she'll do that. but what girl wouldn't? I'm a little confused by this, as I'm sure my daughter wouldn't refuse an invitation by any house, and would feel honored that they invite back.

4. so they keep inviting my daughter back...and she's down to 3 of her top choices - because she has to pick only 3...which may or may not line up with the ones that liked her the best. How can she make a wise choice? I'm sure as hosteses, none of the sisters would be rude, therefore, maybe my daughter might mistake etiquette and kindness for an interest and chance not getting a bid.

1. We have our ways to keep PNMs straight. The method each chapter uses to select its members is unique to that chapter and is the private business of that chapter.
2. When your daughter ranks, she doesn't necessarily "cut" chapters. The rankings are only used in the event that your daughter gets invited back by more than the maximum number for the next round, so she can be matched and scheduled for the next round. A simple example, say 9 of her top 10 invite her back. The program would see if the first one on her crop list invited her back. If they did, she will attend their party. If not, the program will look at the next chapter (in order of her preference) on the list and so on.
3. All this means is not skipping any parties and attending all events for which you were invited that you have room for (unless you will be absent for an excused reason). Who wouldn't do that? Rude little twits. Some campuses require PNMs to attend all parties to be eligible for a bid. If you skip ABC's party (for an unexcused reason), you wouldn't be eligible for a bid from ANY chapter.
4. She should not worry about which chapter she thinks likes her best when she ranks---the important part is which chapter she likes best. She ranks, the chapters rank, and Panhellenic matches up PNMs and chapters.

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

does it ever happen that she has a conflict of an event between two houses? I mean, when you say girls "cut" going - could it be because they can't be at two places at once? and when do girls decide to 'cut'. It is my understand that..

1. first weekend on a friday and saturday, you attend all 15 or so houses
2. on Sunday she goes to 10 houses - which translates to not attending 5 (does she not get invited back? or can she still attend al 15?)
3. Monday she is down to 6 houses.... again, who is doing the cutting? can she keep attending as many as she wants? (provided she gets an invite from all). And is there such a thing that she might not get invited to at least 6 by monday.
4. the following sunday, she is down to 3 houses...in the interim, during the week, how did she go from 6 to 3? did they not invite her back, or is she only allowed to attend 3?

this is all so confusing...

and finally, on bid day, if she DOESNT get a call? that's a GOOD thing????

15-10-6-3 are the maximum number of chapters a PNM can attend each round. Sororities make their cuts, and PNMs are scheduled according to preference if they receive more than the maximum number of invites. There will be no conflict because Panhellenic will give your daughter her unique schedule for her parties each round. For example, the second round, PNMs attend 10 parties maximum. Each chapter also has 10 parties of PNMs, so it's not one continuous party.

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

oh, and i didn't give her any letters either. do they really look at those things? i mean, i know some women who would speak lovely on her behalf that were in sororities...but i guess i just dropped the ball.

How important recs are depends on the school. We don't know where your daughter attends school so we don't know how important they will be for her.

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

i did read most of them. lol but i was still a little confused. i guess i can't understand that if a girl chooses 3 sororities, and they have invited her back...how can she not get in?

also, would an email suffice to the sorority from my lady friends? or should my daughter carry around copies of this letter for all the sororites to have on hand? i don't know how would be a good time to get these letters to the houses. Also, does her referal have to be from a former greek? Or what if my lady friend belongs to house XYZ, I don't think house ABC would want a referal letter from my friend who was in XYZ?

1. Some schools do guarantee a bid to a PNM who ranks all of her chapters where she attended preference.
2. Do not send your daughter with the letters and do not have sorority alumnae simply send emails. Each sorority will have a form (available on their website, usually the sisters only side) to fill out. The form is to be sent with a supplementary letter, collectively known as a recommendation, or "rec". MAYBE chapters will accept a faxed rec or a pdf, but definitely have your friends call the chapters to see if this is acceptable. You could also offer to overnight the recs in the mail?

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

10 events in one day - what if she has class? the day she is "down to" 6 is on a monday, which is a class day. what should she do?

Recruitment will be scheduled in the evening. If she has class, she will notify her recruitment counselor and will be excused. She should not miss class for recruitment.

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

Well, i think i dropped the ball because rush starts this weekend and i wouldn't impose on my friends at this late date - the letter couldn't get there before the weekend anyway. and I don't know how to get this form.

It doesn't hurt to ask. If a chapter accepts faxed recs, pdf recs or you want to overnight the recs, those are options. You don't know how to get the forms because you can't. You have to be a member of a sorority to get their form.

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

well I'm not sure which friends were in which houses. it's not something we discuss. haha. and are the forms online forms - because then I wouldn't mind asking. but like I said, rush is this weekend, and I don't really want to ask these ladies to run around trying to get a form from the university. Also, all references have to be from ladies? I know a few fraternity dads too. ha

It certainly wouldn't hurt to ask. Yes, the forms are online, on the (Inter)National website, not at the University. Only an alumna (or in some cases, a collegian of another chapter) of XYZ can write a rec for XYZ.

Originally Posted by scoobydoo

AZ - are you a mother of a daughter who is an AZ now? Do all you ladies have daughters in houses?

The vast majority of us on Greek Chat are Greek ourselves.

[breathesgelatin]

I think the majority of your questions have been answered, but I agree with violetpretty that if you have close friends who are in sororities, you might want to try to get a recommendation form for her. I'm just guessing, but at a school with 16 sororities, recommendations *might* be important (they often tend to be important at larger schools).

Here's how you might approach your friend:

"Oh, Suzy Scoobydoo is going through recruitment this week at Someplace University. She's so excited! I seem to remember you said you were in a sorority in college. Does your sorority have a chapter at Someplace University? I know it's extremely late notice, but I'm sure Suzy would appreciate a recommendation from you. If you are willing to do it, perhaps I could pay for you to overnight the recommendation?"

[elleyk5187]

i don't know if this has been said yet since i don't have time to read all the replies.

at a lot of schools, if a PNM doesn't attend a party, she is automatically dropped from recruitment. this has to go with the whole "keep an open mind" thing. you might not like a house one day & then the next day you absolutely love it as well as the other way around. things can switch in a heartbeat.

[LAblondeGPhi]

Lord- all of these questions. I also don't really think you read all of the stickied threads. I mean, asking if you can get a rec form from a fraternity man? That's covered in rec-getting 101.

This sounds a little bit like my mom when I went through recruitment many moons ago. She had NO idea about Greek life except what she gleaned from my step dad. She tried giving me advice, and honestly, I had it all taken care of. She was just giving me weird advice at that point, because she was sooo clueless about the process in the first place.

Scoobydoo... you're clearly cramming at the 11th hour here. Good luck to your daughter, but she probably has it under control!

[AXi1257]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Rush and class will not occur at the same time.

Actually, that's not true. At least where I went to college. Recruitment (Rush when I went through) is always in September, classes have started, and many classes go into the evening. When I was a Rho Chi, I was a little late getting to my group since I was still in class. Every school is different though...

[AXi1257]

Originally Posted by AZ-AlphaXi

I am a member of Alpha Xi Delta who lives in Arizona .. I don't have any daughters :-( .. I do have a son who is an active fraternity member at the University of Arizona.

It really is a bummer you don't have a daughter!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AXi1257

Actually, that's not true. At least where I went to college. Recruitment (Rush when I went through) is always in September, classes have started, and many classes go into the evening. When I was a Rho Chi, I was a little late getting to my group since I was still in class. Every school is different though...

With a big system like the OP is describing, I'm betting that rush and class will not occur at the same time.