University of Mississippi (Ole Miss) 2012 Recruitment

[DubaiSis]

Originally Posted by Giddy

I happen to think kindness is the better part of valour. This thread could use some.

This is what I took offense to. Sorry I wasn't more clear. Yes, kindness is nice and should be something we aspire to, but sometimes the most kind thing you can do is be honest. And telling a girl that she is perfect and there is nothing wrong with her and it must have been a mistake is not helpful.

And while Giddy is probably saying I DIDN'T SAY THAT, I can tell you there are a lot of Moms out there saying this and rushees fully believing it. And kindness is the reason for these little white lies that keep these girls from understanding they are not 10 foot tall and bullet proof. Nor are they the prettiest girl to ever step foot in Ole Miss. Or the smartest. There is a realistic and supportive way to say that some people are just not going to appreciate your greatness. Much like holding a torch for the boyfriend who dumped you and moved on to another girl, the sorority that cut you is not worth any more of your time. Regardless of the reason, which is none of your business.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

This is what I took offense to. Sorry I wasn't more clear. Yes, kindness is nice and should be something we aspire to, but sometimes the most kind thing you can do is be honest.

??? How is telling a girl, who has a low GPA, that her options may be limited, or that she was likely dropped by chapters due to her grades, not honest?

How is telling her that she may have been dropped for ANY NUMBER of reasons – but these reasons are SECRET (sshhh!!!) -- somehow more useful? Just letting a girl wonder what was “wrong” with her during a 20-minute party doesn’t seem like much of a life lesson, IMO, especially during a stressful week when her confidence could use a boost.

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

And telling a girl that she is perfect and there is nothing wrong with her and it must have been a mistake is not helpful.

I didn't see any comments that would even remotely fit that characterization.

So, I'm just curious, what is helpful? I know as a mom, explaining the process to dd was actually a little tricky. Endorsing a process which is based on judging people (in both directions), during a 20-minute scramble, went against just about everything I taught regarding judging others and choosing friends. Just sayin’. I settled on an explanation of an imperfect (and often arbitrary) system that has opportunities and rewards on the other side (wherever that may be, and whatever she makes of it).

I do think it is helpful to keep the process in perspective – it is, after all, sorority rush, not a tour in Iraq. Chapters must release girls, and after a few 20 – 30 minute parties, releases are often made on objective criteria. Like grades.

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

And while Giddy is probably saying I DIDN'T SAY THAT, I can tell you there are a lot of Moms out there saying this and rushees fully believing it. And kindness is the reason for these little white lies that keep these girls from understanding they are not 10 foot tall and bullet proof. Nor are they the prettiest girl to ever step foot in Ole Miss. Or the smartest. There is a realistic and supportive way to say that some people are just not going to appreciate your greatness. Much like holding a torch for the boyfriend who dumped you and moved on to another girl, the sorority that cut you is not worth any more of your time. Regardless of the reason, which is none of your business.

Honestly, some of the rush-will-knock-you-down-a-peg-or-two sentiment here seems to sometimes border on schadenfreude.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

??? How is telling a girl, who has a low GPA, that her options may be limited, or that she was likely dropped by chapters due to her grades, not honest?

Telling a girl "If you had a 2.5, that may be part of the reason you got dropped" = OK.

Telling a girl "If you had a 2.5, that is definitely why you got dropped" = Not OK. For all we know, the girl had B.O. and was seen giving all the cafeteria workers hummers. If you say "it IS because of your grades" then a girl tends to say "oh, my grades are the only thing wrong with me and I can pull them up and sail through rush next year" - when that is NOT always the case.

Telling a girl "XYZ sorority WILL drop you if you don't have a 3.5" = super turbo NOT OK. Membership selection is a confidential process.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Telling a girl "If you had a 2.5, that is definitely why you got dropped" = Not OK. For all we know, the girl had B.O. and was seen giving all the cafeteria workers hummers. If you say "it IS because of your grades" then a girl tends to say "oh, my grades are the only thing wrong with me and I can pull them up and sail through rush next year" - when that is NOT always the case.

Yes, when counseling disappointed PNMs who have a 2.5 GPA, absolutely remember to include appropriate advice and speculation regarding body odor and behavior with cafeteria employees.

And any other hyperbole that comes to mind.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Giddy

Honors college admissions over-weight HS grades from competitive high schools. They particularly favor boarding schools. So Miss Porters and Maderia trumps Jackson HS.

Don't boarding schools sometimes have legacy policies as well (i.e. dumber daughter of rich generous alumnus may get in over smarter daughter of nobody) and don't they sometimes have a "post-graduate" year - in effect a 13th grade - for students who aren't ready for college?

(Disclaimer: The sum total of my real-life boarding school experience is a HS classmate who went to Kiski Prep.)

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by 33girl

and don't they sometimes have a "post-graduate" year - in effect a 13th grade - for students who aren't ready for college?

(Disclaimer: The sum total of my real-life boarding school experience is a HS classmate who went to Kiski Prep.)

Not where I went. But it is Catholic and you know how the nuns were back in the day.

[DubaiSis]

There are other websites out there where you are welcome to blow sunshine up a rushee's arse. Here we tell the cold, unvarnished truth. Rush is hard and there are a myriad of reasons why a girl gets cut. If you give her the fabulously gentle answer, this girl is never going to grow into the realistic adult she needs to become. Rush at a school this competitive is the time to put on your big girl pants and accept that you are not the special snowflake that everyone loves.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

There are other websites out there where you are welcome to blow sunshine up a rushee's arse.

eww. Now ^that certainly would be dirty rushing.

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

There are other websites out there where you are welcome to blow sunshine up a rushee's arse. Here we tell the cold, unvarnished truth. Rush is hard and there are a myriad of reasons why a girl gets cut. If you give her the fabulously gentle answer, this girl is never going to grow into the realistic adult she needs to become. Rush at a school this competitive is the time to put on your big girl pants and accept that you are not the special snowflake that everyone loves.

I am not sure who you are addressing with this post, but as my post was not agreed with I'm tempted to think you were directing it towards me. If not, please disregard this post.
I never meant to say anything about special snowflakes although I can see how my post can easily be interpreted that way. I used poor examples to illuminate my argument. Ones that in the end did not make sense. My arguments: don't pick out houses that will cut based on grades day 1. You won't know that unless you attend membership selection. Honestly, most likely every chapter cut someone for grades after round one. I also think its crap to assume that chapters with the highest GPA on campus will correspond to the chapters with the highest GPA requirement.

In short, everything below is what I (very very poorly) was trying to say.

Originally Posted by 33girl

Unless you are sitting in on membership selection sessions, you do not know FOR SURE why women were cut. PERIOD.

And I never thought I'd agree with Hartofsec on anything, but she is right in that you really need to shut your pie hole as far as "my daughter's chapter does this" and "my daughter's chapter does that." If she shared confidential sorority business with you, I sincerely doubt she meant for you to spew it all over an internet message board.

Is it common knowledge that women with lower grades will get cut from more groups sooner? Yes. Is it appropriate to list names of chapters and why you think they will cut for ANYTHING? NO.

This isn't that site that you disparaged for "stupid myths." We try really hard to be Panhellenic and NOT repeat chapter gossip, reputations or why this chpater or that chapter cuts someone. If you don't get that, this isn't the site for you.

Originally Posted by 33girl

Unless you are sitting in the membership selection sessions for all these chapters, you have NO idea why women were cut. I know you're trying to help, but advice like this gets turned on its head to "well, I have a 3.7, I'll have NO problem getting to the second round with Phi Mu."

[Gingerdeltaz]

With convocation being this Sunday at Ole Miss, I'm getting ready to go into "Lurker" mode while recruitment is going on.

However, I did want to first thank the ladies on GC for all of the advice that has been given regarding recruitment in general, and especially at Ole Miss. I've passed it on to my daughter and she is very grateful.

To those of you who have offered additional advice and assistance via PM, thank you VERY, VERY much.

I do want to say that as the weeks go on, my view on when recruitment at Ole Miss changes...frequently. LOL!

At first, I was disappointed that while my daughter went down to Ole Miss with all the sororities on equal footing in her mind, once she got there she had time to hear the "talk" about each sorority. (Obviously, as a mom, I want her decisions based on her opinions, not others. Although she assured me that they would be, no matter what she heard, I was still concerned.)

I am now happy again (another flip flop as I learn more) with the timing of recruitment.

Because now, as more time has passed, even though her conversations with the young ladies in sororities is limited, her exposure is not. Now, she has had more time to see and be around more individual girls in ALL of the sororities, and guess what?? No surprise to anyone here...it turns out that there are lovely ladies that she likes in ALL of the sororities, and once again, they are all on equal footing in her mind. (I should have never let it be of concern. She's an awesome young lady with a great head on her shoulders.)

At this point, she is head over heels in LOVE with Ole Miss, and cannot wait to be part of the Greek Life there! (Yeah!) She adores her gamma chis and is excited for recruitment to start.

So again, I just wanted to thank everyone, and I'll be back after recruitment.

THANK YOU!!

[thetalady]

Best of luck to your daughter, Gingerdeltaz. Going to Ole Miss and being a Theta there changed my life immeasurably and helped me excel in college. I hope she has a wonderful experience!

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by Gingerdeltaz

With convocation being this Sunday at Ole Miss, I'm getting ready to go into "Lurker" mode while recruitment is going on.

Best wishes to your daughter -- hope she has a great experience and a very happy Bid Day!

[ggforever]

I sure wish your daughter all the best! We will all be very anxious to hear where she is going to call home!

[FSUZeta]

Yes, Good luck to your daughter Gingerdeltaz! I helped a local girl find recs. to all the houses at Ole Miss, so I am hoping she has a good experience.

[MaryPoppins]

Since I have accepted an Alumna volunteer support position in Recruitment this year, I am going offline in this thread (at least), though I think I will have to lurk because GC is so addictive. Best wishes and good luck to everyone! - M.P.