advice needed...marriage/engagement problem. - Page 2

cheerfulgreek · #1 08-30-2008, 03:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LowLite

Hey guys. Don't worry, I'm not a troll, I used to post on greekchat about 7 years ago. I was one of those members who would make a few posts and leave, not because I didn't like greekchat, but because I just didn't have the time. I remember greekchat members as giving great advice which is why I came back briefly to ask for your help. I don't even remember my old screen name let alone my password, so I created a new one.

Well, here's my problem. I've been with my finace for 6 years now and engaged for 3 of those years. She's starting to put the pressure on about marriage. I would have married her a couple of years ago, but it's my job and the economy that's making it hard for me to walk down the isle. My fiance is a pediatrician and I deliver pizzas. Yeah, don't tell me, I already know it sucks. Anyway, I have a bachelors degree in communications, but since I graduated from college I have yet to find a career/job in my field. Everyone wants experience. Since then I've had the same old dead end jobs. I've been delivering pizza for about 2 years now while looking for positions in my field. Still nothing. What's bothering me is knowing the fact that I'll be married to a Dr. while I deliver pizzas. That's embarrassing. Of course she and I have talked about this and she says she loves me and doesn't care where I work as long as I'm working and making an honest living. She's a great woman, but I'm not happy with myself doing this. There's been times where the people she works with had an outing/get together, and I always hate going because I'm ashamed of saying where I work. I feel like a loser, though I am doing the best I can. I don't want to lose my fiance but at the same time I don't want to marry until I'm in my field. She's been getting frustrated and I'm afraid she may leave. She tells me that we can get through all of this, and she thinks 3 years of engagement is long enough. Hell, with the money I make I can't even help pay for the wedding. She tells me it's ok and that she and her parents would pay. My parents also want to see us marry and are willing to help pay for a nice wedding. I feel helpless. At this point I really don't know what to do?

If you were in my shoes how would you handle the situation? You guys have always given great advice.

Thanks in advance

Lowlite, if she loves you and you love her, why are you letting a job come between you two? Seriously, you're making an honest living. I think you should go ahead and marry her. You're really going to kick yourself if you lose her. Finances are important in any marriage, but it shouldn't be what makes or breaks a marriage. I could see if you were doing nothing and she was kind of like taking of you, but that's not the case. Based on what you're saying she loves you for you, and that's what you want. I mean who wouldn't? Yeah, I'm curious too, what is it you want to do with your degree? Did you ever think about applying for upper management positions within the pizza company you work for? I mean, a good manager needs great communication skills and you have a degree in communications.

Anyway, MARRY THE WOMAN!!!!!! LIKE, NOW!!!!!!

ETA: Do you get free pizza?

Dionysus · #2 08-30-2008, 10:17 AM

Do you have health insurance? If not, that's another good reason to get married right now.

PrettyBoy · #3 08-31-2008, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LowLite

If you were in my shoes how would you handle the situation? You guys have always given great advice.

Thanks in advance

Marry when you are ready. I saw where you mentioned money as an issue. Money management is a lengthy and involved topic, but while you are delivering pizza, I think the both of you (If/when you do marry her), need to sit down with a financial counselor and plan an airtight budget, and then stay with it. Also, more importantly I would make sure the two of you communicate openly and honestly. Problems and differences in a marriage are not bad, but not being able to communicate with each other, rather it be how you feel about your situation, money or whatever, can cause some severe problems. Communication is to love what blood is to the body. When it stops flowing, your marriage/relationship with this woman dies. Communication is everything.

Good luck to you. You'll find something soon.

Keep doing what you're doing and make sure the load isn't put on her. I'm not sure if you go to church, have/read your bible, but if you do, read (1 Timothy 5:8) It will help you.

When Doves Cry · #4 10-14-2008, 09:15 PM

So I asked my boyfriend what he would in your situation. And his answer (to getting married) was "hells yeah" because then he wouldn't have to work and he can stay home and play video games.
he was kidding of course. lol. but he said if he couldnt find a job and I had an awesome job, he wouldn't mind at all. And he also said he would never make me wait 3 years to get married (after getting engaged).

RU OX Alum · #5 10-15-2008, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by When Doves Cry

So I asked my boyfriend what he would in your situation. And his answer (to getting married) was "hells yeah" because then he wouldn't have to work and he can stay home and play video games.
he was kidding of course. lol. but he said if he couldnt find a job and I had an awesome job, he wouldn't mind at all. And he also said he would never make me wait 3 years to get married (after getting engaged).

I was thinking that that is what I would do. (stay home and play video games, that is)

cheerfulgreek · #6 10-15-2008, 01:18 PM

o.k. what is it with guys and video games?

RU OX Alum · #7 10-15-2008, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

o.k. what is it with guys and video games?

they're fun

cheerfulgreek · #8 10-15-2008, 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RU OX Alum

they're fun

I think they're like a new form of drug addiction.

Dionysus · #9 10-15-2008, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

o.k. what is it with guys and video games?

It's just not guys...

cheerfulgreek · #10 10-15-2008, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dionysus

It's just not guys...

I get it now.

PrettyBoy · #11 10-15-2008, 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by When Doves Cry

So I asked my boyfriend what he would in your situation. And his answer (to getting married) was "hells yeah" because then he wouldn't have to work and he can stay home and play video games.
he was kidding of course. lol. but he said if he couldnt find a job and I had an awesome job, he wouldn't mind at all. And he also said he would never make me wait 3 years to get married (after getting engaged).

I agree, I wouldn't make her wait 3 years either, but at the same time I would have never gotten engaged to her knowing I couldn't provide for her financially. If that's what works in your relationship then cool, but I think the OP needs to start bringing in some income so he can provide a place for her both materially and financially. We have this erroneous notion in our society that it's romantic for a young couple to get married, penniless but passionate and then live on love a while. That state of being gets old real fast. It takes money to have even a modest honeymoon , to set up a home, to provide, and eventually to provide for children if he has any. IMO, the income for the family is the husband's responsibility. I understand many woman work and that's cool. Two incomes are always better than one, but IMO the primary responsibility for providing for her rest on the man. I didn't say he had to make more money than her, I'm just saying it's his responsibility to serve and provide for her. That's hard to do delivering pizzas.

LightBulb · #12 10-16-2008, 01:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I didn't say he had to make more money than her, I'm just saying it's his responsibility to serve and provide for her. That's hard to do delivering pizzas.

That is what it sounds like you're saying, though. He's already working (though not making more money than her).

Fawn Liebowitz · #13 10-15-2008, 02:37 PM

If you believe you've found the love of your life, don't risk losing her. True love/love that can last forever is much too hard to find.

cheerfulgreek · #14 10-15-2008, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fawn Liebowitz

If you believe you've found the love of your life, don't risk losing her. True love/love that can last forever is much too hard to find.

I think he mentioned something in another thread about his job. I think he's unemployed now....according to the post. I forgot where I saw it.

LowLite · #15 10-18-2008, 03:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I think he mentioned something in another thread about his job. I think he's unemployed now....according to the post. I forgot where I saw it.

No, I am not unemployed. I was working two jobs to make ends meet. I worked nights at one and days at the other. My hours changed at one of the jobs so I had to quit that one. I'm not unemployed.

Get your facts straight or ask before you post.

To 33girl. You are absolutely right. She is always going to be making more than me. That's not my concern. My concern is I'm not happy with my job. I deliver pizza, and it's quite embarrassing when we get together with her family and their friends. When we get around the dinner table they'll ask about her job, which gets talked about for about 20 minutes, then they get to me and say so what do you do?