advice needed

auburnmom2007 · #1 08-22-2007, 01:58 PM

my daughter rushed (great girl by the way but shy) and was released on bid day, she attended 3 pref parties... now do i have this right? 3 pref parties but when she listed them she left one off (suicide?)... so the program boots her off the lists that she was probably on and placed all that maximized girls first. so she was not "rejected" by her top(only) 2 she actually booted herself?! i think i understand and so does she. let us know if we finally understand the program!!! thanks

mpmgm · #2 08-22-2007, 02:01 PM

Has she looked into COB? I don't know which groups might open rush, but perhaps Gamma Phi Beta, Alpha Xi Delta, and/or Delta Gamma.

AnchorAlum · #3 08-22-2007, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mpmgm

Has she looked into COB? I don't know which groups might open rush, but perhaps Gamma Phi Beta, Alpha Xi Delta, and/or Delta Gamma.

I don't have knowledge of what chapter totals are, but DG pledged 63 girls at Auburn with a quota of 58.

mpmgm · #4 08-22-2007, 02:36 PM

I only mentioned DG because they are a fairly new chapter and open rushed in recent years. They may be over total now.

FSUZeta · #5 08-22-2007, 04:35 PM

it sounds trite to say, but sometimes pnms really do fall thru the cracks. sorority members can forget a girls name, or get the name wrong-the sorority may have a huge amount of legacies going thru...so many things can happen. it doesn't necessarily mean that no sorority wanted her. sometimes some of the chapters the pnms decline invitations from would have loved to have them as members.

if she would like to be greek, i urge her to contact the panhellenic office and get her name on the cob list. even if there are no sororities participating in cob activities this fall, some spots may open up spring semester.

GPhiBLtColonel · #6 08-23-2007, 12:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mpmgm

I only mentioned DG because they are a fairly new chapter and open rushed in recent years. They may be over total now.

....and you mentioned Gamma Phi because?

PeppyGPhiB · #7 08-23-2007, 01:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GPhiBLtColonel

....and you mentioned Gamma Phi because?

I was wondering the same thing. From what I've read, our Auburn chapter seems pretty strong...I recall they got quota + last year as well as this year, don't know the numbers for the years prior.

SmartBlondeGPhB · #8 08-22-2007, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnchorAlum

I don't have knowledge of what chapter totals are, but DG pledged 63 girls at Auburn with a quota of 58.

And as far as I know, we pledge at least quota every year.

AOII Angel · #9 08-22-2007, 08:01 PM

Tell your daughter that rush, like life, is not always fair. We'd love to have a better system that allows sororities and PNMs to better understand each other before making these kinds of decisions, but no one has come up with a better solution. Yes...wonderful, accomplished, beautiful, brilliant women are passed over every single year, not because they have anything wrong with them but because the system is imperfect and set up to fail frequently. Some fault lies with the sororities who often pick out their new member class prior to rush even starting, but some lies with the PNMs who also frequently refuse to consider any group other than their preconceived top choices. The problem is, no one on either side really knows how sincere the other is, so assumptions are made. At big recruitments like Alabama and Auburn, women are cut without the chapter even knowing if they did or did not like the PNM because they have to cut a large number of women every night. It can't be personal if that's the case. If she really wants to be a part of greek life, she needs to lift her head up, realize she has a lot to offer and try her best to show the groups what she can do. If there are no opportunities to COB, then turning her energies toward other extracurricular activities can be just as rewarding. That being said, I know it hurts. When I was a Rho Chi, I think it hurt me almost as bad as it hurt my released PNMs. I know very few women that don't deserve sorority membership.

DeltaBetaBaby · #10 08-22-2007, 10:47 PM

I post this a lot, but I will do so again.

I was president of a chapter that participated in a very large formal rush. Sometimes, we just plain made mistakes. With PNM's in the four digits, we occasionally mixed girls up or made data entry typos. It can happen.

Titchou · #11 08-22-2007, 02:03 PM

I doubt she could have been "released" on Bid Day but she could have been a "mismatch." That just means the groups she listed filled up before they got to her name. It doesn't mean she was rejected. Unfortunately, that happens sometimes with so many people going thru. There are some groups at Auburn that are doing COB (didn't take quota or are not at total). Would she be interested in one of them?

SydneyK · #12 08-22-2007, 02:11 PM

One of my best friends in college experienced something similar. When the option of looking into COB was brought up, she really felt like she wouldn't want to be in a group if they didn't want her to begin with. It was difficult for her at first, but she eventually moved on. She then became very involved with other campus organizations (Student Government, choir, newspaper, etc.). While I know she would have made a fantastic addition to any sorority on campus, she never looked back with disappointment.

I'm sorry about your daughter. But there are other opportunities, and she would do well to look into them. Who knows, she might be the next SGA President.

KSUViolet06 · #13 08-22-2007, 02:23 PM

Just be there. Sometimes when your kid is having a tough time, they just want you to listen and let them cry on your shoulder, get mad, etc.

I don't know if/when Auburn has COB/Informal, but if she wants to check it out, that's great. If she wants to check out all the other clubs instead, that's great too. Just let her know that you'll support whatever she chooses to do.

ufpiphi · #14 08-23-2007, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SydneyK

When the option of looking into COB was brought up, she really felt like she wouldn't want to be in a group if they didn't want her to begin with. .

Just reiterating what FSU Zeta and DeltaBetaBay said. It's so difficult to adequately assess a PNM is the brief moment which they are in your chapter house. For example, if a PNM enters my chapter house during the first round, she only meets 2-3 of my sisters. She bases her opinion on the house on these 3 actives, while our entire chapter bases our opinion of the PNM on the opinion of the 3 actives. It's the most efficient system, but not necessarily the best. Both sides must use the best judgment and discretion in making decisions. That said, your daughter could find a wonderful home through COB- perhaps in a chapter she might otherwise not have considered once she meets more actives in that house.

Best of luck to her, whichever path she chooses to take.

SydneyK · #15 08-23-2007, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ufpiphi

That said, your daughter could find a wonderful home through COB- perhaps in a chapter she might otherwise not have considered once she meets more actives in that house.

This is a very good point.

I must also clarify what I said previously by saying that, just because a PNM doesn't receive a bid, that doesn't mean that no one wanted her to begin with. That's just how my friend saw it. And, since she obviously never had a Greek experience, she was never aware of just how many chapters probably DID want her. To echo what others have said before, mistakes can happen, PNMs can be mistaken for one another, all kinds of things can (and unfortunately do) go wrong.

I hope your daughter finds what she's looking for. If that's Greek life, then there are probably still options available. If it's not, then there are definitely other options available.