Visiting Chapters Thread

[Elephant Walk]

Originally Posted by SECdomination

How often do brothers/sisters from other chapters stop by your chapter house just to visit?
What about spending a weekend there?
Or did any of you even let them in?

My chapter just got thrown into an uncomfortable situation recently. One of our chapters from another part of the state is VERY different from my own, and about 15 of them wanted to come "party for the weekend" up here.
On the one hand, yes, they are our brothers, so we want to be courteous and let them into our home. But on the other, we probably won't like each other, so we could just tell them "no" they can't come.

I'd like to see if there's a general consensus about an appropriate course of action.

We've had these types before.

Absolute trash. Created alot of problems. Acting like assholes is the appropriate way to go about it, so chapters like them will hear about it and stay away.

When chapters come up for games they can be fun though. They're usually our sorts of people and we have a blast tailgating.

Originally Posted by Leslie Anne

lack of true brotherhood

O RLY?

How exactly do you determine that they have a "lack of true brotherhood?"

Are random people suppose to be our "brothers" when we had never met them before and went through a vastly different fraternity experience as our own? Are we realy brothers? Are we really expected to treat them as such?

[Zeta13Girl]

I know the Sigma Pi fraternity on our campus hangs out with chapters all across the state. They will go in large groups to other chapter's houses for the night or the weekend and they will also get other brothers that come up and visit them as well.

As far as I'm concerned it's one weekend. Unless you are worried that for some reason their behavior may get the cops involved our jepoardize your chapter's charter (ie. partying habits)... What's the hurt in hanging out with them? Are you worried that your girlfriends will like them better than you?

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by Elephant Walk

How exactly do you determine that they have a "lack of true brotherhood?"

Are random people suppose to be our "brothers" when we had never met them before and went through a vastly different fraternity experience as our own? Are we realy brothers? Are we really expected to treat them as such?

Unbelievable. EW, your fraternity is way bigger than your old-money-obsessed farce of brotherhood.

I have no doubt that there are Sigma Kappas and Sigma Kappa chapters who are very different from my chapter and me, but I would treat every one of my sisters that I am lucky enough to meet with the utmost respect.

Back to the original topic, if your chapter were having any guests (that wanted to stay in the house), of course you'd want a decent amount of notice. The only exception I could think of is that if a bunch from another chapter just wanted to see the house, then they shouldn't really have to give much if any notice.

I'm not sure what kind of "different" you are talking about, whether it's just that this chapter is "low tier"/not Southern or if you anticipate these guys will trash your house/cause some sort of risk management issue. If it's the former, they're your brothers, and you really ought to be a gracious host because there is no good reason you shouldn't. If it's the latter, offer them a tour of the house, and maybe go somewhere else with them (i.e. don't drink in the house, don't offer to let them stay overnight in the house) but be polite.

ETA: Now I see what kind of "different" you are referring to. If you are so different, why do they want to hang out with your chapter?

[macallan25]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

Unbelievable. EW, your fraternity is way bigger than your old-money-obsessed farce of brotherhood.

What an irrational, complete bullshit, unfounded statement. Are you kidding me? Total garbage. Pretty big talk from someone who, I'm pretty sure, has absolutely no clue who the guy is. I am sure that EW, like myself, has a very strong sense of brotherhood towards his own chapter. I am sure that his bonds with his pledge brothers and the guys who led him through pledgeship are as strong as any of ours.

You have absolutely no right to question his sense of brotherhood because he, like many of us, doesn't consider their ties to hundreds of thousands of men whom we will never know, meet, or see as strong as the individuals whom we have built friendships and bonds with that will last for the rest of our lives.

Like I said, I observe the fact that men from outside chapters are my "brothers" in the fact that we share the same rituals, oaths, etc. to our fraternity. That doesn't mean I have to treat everyone of them like my immediate family.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself. "Farce of brotherhood"........give me a f**king break.

I have no doubt that there are Sigma Kappas and Sigma Kappa chapters who are very different from my chapter and me, but I would treat every one of my sisters that I am lucky enough to meet with the utmost respect.

That's great. At what point did he or any of us say that we wouldn't treat people with respect? I said it multiple times. There is a huge difference between being respectful and courteous to someone and treating them like they've been in your life everyday since you've been in college.

Back to the original topic, if your chapter were having any guests (that wanted to stay in the house), of course you'd want a decent amount of notice. The only exception I could think of is that if a bunch from another chapter just wanted to see the house, then they shouldn't really have to give much if any notice.

Yes they should. We don't know these people. They could walk in side and shoot someone for all I know.

I'm not sure what kind of "different" you are talking about, whether it's just that this chapter is "low tier"/not Southern or if you anticipate these guys will trash your house/cause some sort of risk management issue. If it's the former, they're your brothers, and you really ought to be a gracious host because there is no good reason you shouldn't. If it's the latter, offer them a tour of the house, and maybe go somewhere else with them (i.e. don't drink in the house, don't offer to let them stay overnight in the house) but be polite.

ETA: Now I see what kind of "different" you are referring to. If you are so different, why do they want to hang out with your chapter?

How is he supposed to know answer this? Probably because they are in the same fraternity and know that they can't go to any other houses? I mean, is that not right?

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by macallan25

Like I said, I observe the fact that men from outside chapters are my "brothers" in the fact that we share the same rituals, oaths, etc. to our fraternity. That doesn't mean I have to treat everyone of them like my immediate family.

Slight hi-jack

I'm curious about this statement. Pretty much every Greek I've encountered IRL recognizes both chapter and national brothers/sisters as more than just "the people who know the same oath as me." Only on GC have I found people pledging their allegiance to the chapter (as opposed to the national organization). Of course, it's obvious that you'd be closer to your chapter members, but I can't imagine treating other brothers differently from chapter brothers.

Is this a common mentality? And why join a national organization if you didn't want the "national brotherhood?"

(Please don't take this as an attack -- just curious about this. Not saying one way is wrong or right, just different)

/hi-jack

[macallan25]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

Slight hi-jack

I'm curious about this statement. Pretty much every Greek I've encountered IRL recognizes both chapter and national brothers/sisters as more than just "the people who know the same oath as me." Only on GC have I found people pledging their allegiance to the chapter (as opposed to the national organization). Of course, it's obvious that you'd be closer to your chapter members, but I can't imagine treating other brothers differently from chapter brothers.

I'm not sure what else I am supposed to view them as? Yes, they are in my fraternity. They took the same oaths, went through the same rituals....many went through pledgeship and came out unscathed......and I commend them for that. I will treat them all with the same respect and courtesy I would anyone, unless they act in a manner that doesn't deserve it. But as far as viewing them in the same light as guys who I am personally involved with every day, guys who know my family, have been to relatives funerals, have keys to my home, go on trips with us.....I'm sorry.....I can't open my life up to a guy whom I don't know at the drop of a hat and treat them like I've known them for a long period of time.

That is what I think of when I read "treating them differently". It's not like I'm going to treat them as less of a person because they aren't a member of my chapter, haha.

Is this a common mentality? And why join a national organization if you didn't want the "national brotherhood?"

(Please don't take this as an attack -- just curious about this. Not saying one way is wrong or right, just different)

/hi-jack

I think it's very common.

I've never said I don't observe a "national brotherhood" with guys from all over the country. It's just much stronger towards the guys in my chapter. I think that is perfectly reasonable.

Also, I'm not taking it as an attack. I am just shocked at some of the ludicrous statements that have been made......insulting and demeaning statements.

Reading a response from someone in which she claims a "farce" of brotherhood and attacks a man's chapter with the preconceived notion that he and his brothers wouldn't accept individuals from other schools because they are not "old money" and may have less personal wealth is insulting.....and it's rude.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by macallan25

What an irrational, complete bullshit, unfounded statement. Are you kidding me? Total garbage. Pretty big talk from someone who, I'm pretty sure, has absolutely no clue who the guy is. I am sure that EW, like myself, has a very strong sense of brotherhood towards his own chapter. I am sure that his bonds with his pledge brothers and the guys who led him through pledgeship are as strong as any of ours.

You have absolutely no right to question his sense of brotherhood because he, like many of us, doesn't consider their ties to hundreds of thousands of men whom we will never know, meet, or see as strong as the individuals whom we have built friendships and bonds with that will last for the rest of our lives.

Like I said, I observe the fact that men from outside chapters are my "brothers" in the fact that we share the same rituals, oaths, etc. to our fraternity. That doesn't mean I have to treat everyone of them like my immediate family.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself. "Farce of brotherhood"........give me a f**king break.

Sorry, I just can't fathom how a group of men could understand what it means to be brothers in a national fraternity when a basis for membership is the amount of money a potential member is perceived to have. I interpreted EW's comment as him thinking his chapter was superior to other chapters of his fraternity.

Originally Posted by macallan25

That's great. At what point did he or any of us say that we wouldn't treat people with respect? I said it multiple times. There is a huge difference between being respectful and courteous to someone and treating them like they've been in your life everyday since you've been in college.

Of course you'll be closer with members of your chapter +/- 3 years from you, but again, I interpreted EW as thinking his chapter is superior to the (inter)national fraternity or that his loyalty is only to his chapter and not his (inter)national fraternity.

Originally Posted by macallan25

Yes they should. We don't know these people. They could walk in side and shoot someone for all I know.

Ok, I suppose this COULD happen, but whether they just walked in or gave you a month's notice wouldn't really matter if that were an individual/group's intent? I wouldn't lose sleep over worrying that my sisters from another chapter would come to my house and shoot sisters from my chapter.

Originally Posted by macallan25

How is he supposed to know answer this? Probably because they are in the same fraternity and know that they can't go to any other houses? I mean, is that not right?

Just asking for him to speculate if he has any ideas. If the other chapter comes back, they must find something they enjoy about hanging out with SEC's chapter.

[macallan25]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

Sorry, I just can't fathom how a group of men could understand what it means to be brothers in a national fraternity when a basis for membership is the amount of money a potential member is perceived to have. I interpreted EW's comment as him thinking his chapter was superior to other chapters of his fraternity.

Can you point me in the direction of where ElephantWalk made any kind of statement that comes even remotely within the realm of what you just said? I haven't seen it.

Your interpretation was wrong. I'm sorry. I don't really even care if it's an opinion....it just isn't right.

Of course you'll be closer with members of your chapter +/- 3 years from you, but again, I interpreted EW as thinking his chapter is superior to the (inter)national fraternity or that his loyalty is only to his chapter and not his (inter)national fraternity.

I didn't gather that from his statements. What I gathered from it was that he is pretty cautious towards complete strangers who happen to be in his same fraternity that come by his house and visit. Obviously he has had some experience with some out of town members who acted like complete, classless trash.

I'm pretty sure he stated plain as day that he has had visiting members at his house during game days.......and had an absolute blast. But I guess that really means he hated them all and didn't think they were good enough for him and his chapter brothers because they don't have as much money as all of them.

Ok, I suppose this COULD happen, but whether they just walked in or gave you a month's notice wouldn't really matter if that were an individual/group's intent? I wouldn't lose sleep over worrying that my sisters from another chapter would come to my house and shoot sisters from my chapter.

That's your prerogative. I, on the other hand, feel a responsibility towards my chapter to observe some discretion when dealing with a group of, once again, complete strangers.

Just asking for him to speculate if he has any ideas. If the other chapter comes back, they must find something they enjoy about hanging out with SEC's chapter.

That would make sense.

[Elephant Walk]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

Unbelievable. EW, your fraternity is way bigger than your old-money-obsessed farce of brotherhood.

Wrong. Absolutely wrong. My fraternity is my chapter. Just because they have participated in the same ritual I have and worn similar dress during closed meetings does not instantly make them my brother. That makes them a member of a large association of men. Participating in pledgeship and often five to six years of living together, and everything that we've experienced together make them friends.

You know absolutely nothing about my "brotherhood". To make some sort of accusation is the farce. You accuse my brotherhood regarding people I have never known before.

I have no doubt that there are Sigma Kappas and Sigma Kappa chapters who are very different from my chapter and me, but I would treat every one of my sisters that I am lucky enough to meet with the utmost respect.

That's fine. I am always respectful to any other member of the association I meet until they give me a reason not to.

ETA: Now I see what kind of "different" you are referring to. If you are so different, why do they want to hang out with your chapter?

I doubt he knows why. Some just want to party. Some like seeing other houses and visiting other fraternities. Most are annoying.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by Elephant Walk

Wrong. Absolutely wrong. My fraternity is my chapter. Just because they have participated in the same ritual I have and worn similar dress during closed meetings does not instantly make them my brother. That makes them a member of a large association of men. Participating in pledgeship and often five to six years of living together, and everything that we've experienced together make them friends.

You know absolutely nothing about my "brotherhood". To make some sort of accusation is the farce. You accuse my brotherhood regarding people I have never known before.


That's fine. I am always respectful to any other member of the association I meet until they give me a reason not to.

I rest my case.

[KSUViolet06]

My chapter never minded having visitors from other chapters, but they were never allowed to stay over at the chapter house--unless they were guests of a sister and cleared by our Housing Corp in advance. So you couldn't just show up and be like "Hi, were from XY chapter and we wanna party here this weekend! Is it cool if we crash?"

[macallan25]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

I rest my case.

I'm searching for this "case" you speak of. So far all I've seen you do is trash a man's sense of brotherhood.

[catiebug]

I have to ask - since you seem to feel this way about those who are members of your fraternity but not in your chapter, do you feel the same way toward your founders?

Your founders did not participate in your pledgeship. Your founders did not live with you for five or six years.

What does that make them?

Originally Posted by Elephant Walk

Wrong. Absolutely wrong. My fraternity is my chapter. Just because they have participated in the same ritual I have and worn similar dress during closed meetings does not instantly make them my brother. That makes them a member of a large association of men. Participating in pledgeship and often five to six years of living together, and everything that we've experienced together make them friends.

You know absolutely nothing about my "brotherhood". To make some sort of accusation is the farce. You accuse my brotherhood regarding people I have never known before.

[macallan25]

Originally Posted by catiebug

I have to ask - since you seem to feel this way about those who are members of your fraternity but not in your chapter, do you feel the same way toward your founders?

Your founders did not participate in your pledgeship. Your founders did not live with you for five or six years.

What does that make them?

My founders died around 140 years ago too. Not especially relevant.

I view them as just that, founders of one of the top fraternal organizations in the country. Their ideas, loyalty, admiration, and devotion to creating an organization for us to be a part of will always be recognized and deeply respected by me. Do I view them as the same light as my best friends in my chapter........no. How is that even possible?

Its only one weekend. They come they go, you don't deal with them again for awhile. Thats how my chapter looked at it with others chapters we didn't like. We were hospitable while they were here. If they act like jackasses and you notice it during their stay, tell them to knock the crap off. Worst case you have to tell them they won't be back. If there's a sober one and they keep it up, tell them they have to go. If you find out after the fact, you are more then justified in telling them they are not welcomed until further ntoice. A plus is they're letting you know. We had chapters just drop in before.

Originally Posted by Elephant Walk

Are random people suppose to be our "brothers" when we had never met them before and went through a vastly different fraternity experience as our own? Are we realy brothers? Are we really expected to treat them as such?

Wow is all I can say. Why don't you ask your nationals those questions and see what they say??? They would be hugely dissapointed that you have to even ask. You just truly don't get brotherhood (at least on a national level).