Friends who disappear when they find a boyfriend/girlfriend - Page 2

PrettyBoy · #16 03-05-2008, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I thought we had this thread already because I remember bitching about this. Oh well.

PB, I think your situation is different if you only get to see each other on the weekends - of course that time is reserved for your lady if it's the only time you have with her. If you saw her every single day or lived with her and didn't want to ever go out on the weekend w/ your boys, that would be another story.

There's a difference between scaling back your "girls nights" and abandoning them completely - or worse, telling your friends you're not "allowed" to go out, even to someplace like Applebee's. No, I don't think you're joking when you say that.

My situation is only different because I don't have a lot of money to spend on gas throughout the week because of the distance, and of course my work schedule. If we lived closer to each other, and it was during the week, I still would prefer to spend my time with her. When I said friends I was referring to fraternity brothers who are single. The friends I hang out with are either in healthy, long term, monogamous relationships or healthy marriages, so when we go out, we do things with other couples. I refuse to be around single jokers who like runnin' the streets late at night, or couples who are in unhealthy relationships/marriages. I don't see anything wrong with wanting be around each other if you enjoy each others company.

I wouldn't have a problem if she wanted to hang out with her friends (like a girls night out), but it would all depend on what she considered "A girls night out". I will not be with a woman who classifies a girls night out, as hangin' at clubs of any kind, or has friends who hang out at joints like these. Period. Or if she was runnin' the streets late at night. There is nothing out late at night but some sorry azz, low down, jellyback, hissing cockroaches. Why would I want to be with someone like that? Also, I want to meet the types of friends she's hanging out with. If they're trifling, then that tells me she is too. Birds of a feather flock together.

I think it's very important to respect each others wishes as well. Repsect to me is someone who shows honor for his/her s/o someone who thinks highly of his/her s/o. Every couple must have respect for one another, meaning they have to show kind consideration for each other.

Lastly, I agree with AKA Monet 110%. In my relationship, friends can do one of two things. They can take a back seat to her or they can kiss my azz.

PrettyBoy · #17 03-05-2008, 08:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OOhsoflyDELTA#9

^^^^^^^^^hey stranger.....

Hey there lady.

RU OX Alum · #18 03-06-2008, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I agree.

Some couples actually try to lock each other down LITERALLY... Bad idea.

hey don't knock it 'till you've tried it

DSTCHAOS · #19 03-06-2008, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RU OX Alum

hey don't knock it 'till you've tried it

Ha.

AlethiaSi · #20 03-06-2008, 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Lastly, I agree with AKA Monet 110%. In my relationship, friends can do one of two things. They can take a back seat to her or they can kiss my azz.

I disagree. I think it's important to maintain friendships and my friends will be there for me after a relationship has ended and a significant other may or may not be in it for the "long haul". Sure, it's important to work on a relationship but I try not to let my friends take a backseat to any guy. Just my own opinion.

PrettyBoy · #21 03-07-2008, 04:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlethiaSi

I disagree. I think it's important to maintain friendships and my friends will be there for me after a relationship has ended and a significant other may or may not be in it for the "long haul". Sure, it's important to work on a relationship but I try not to let my friends take a backseat to any guy. Just my own opinion.

I see your point. While friends are very important, I'm always in a relationship for the long haul and expect the same in return. The reason why I think friends should take a backseat to his/her s/o is because if someone puts his/her friends 1st at anytime, then if the relationship is strong enough for the next level, they will be 1st in that situation too. I know relationships are a far cry from marriage, but in a marriage, not only do your friends become second to your spouse, but your family does too. The only one before your spouse is God. A relationship is different and not marriage, but friends should be in the backseat in that situation, and if they're true friends they'll be there if things don't work out between you and your s/o.

Munchkin03 · #22 03-07-2008, 05:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I know relationships are a far cry from marriage, but in a marriage, not only do your friends become second to your spouse, but your family does too. The only one before your spouse is God. A relationship is different and not marriage, but friends should be in the backseat in that situation, and if they're true friends they'll be there if things don't work out between you and your s/o.

Ahh, but your average college relationship--or even your average dating relationship--is nothing like a marriage. I expect folks who are dating seriously or cohabiting to be joined at the hip, but your typical college couple who may not even be together after graduation? That's just co-dependency.

On that same token, if you're not actively working on your friendships while in a relationship, you're not exactly a true friend if you come crying back to them when you find yourself suddenly single. Some of the strongest relationships I know are the ones where both members of the couple have, you know...lives.

KSUViolet06 · #23 03-07-2008, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

On that same token, if you're not actively working on your friendships while in a relationship, you're not exactly a true friend if you come crying back to them when you find yourself suddenly single. Some of the strongest relationships I know are the ones where both members of the couple have, you know...lives.

I agree. It's just healthy to maintain friendships. You can't spend ALL of your time with your bf/gf. It's impossible. I mean, you might want to go do something girly like get pedicures, there are some things you just want to do with your girls.

Jimmy Choo · #24 03-07-2008, 08:50 PM

While you do need to dedicate time to your SO and your relationships with your friends need to evolve, they shouldn't dissolve...friends were there before and unless you completely screw them over they will be there after! I'm going thru a situation like this with one of my friends and he has completely turned his back on all his friends. He makes time for no one but her. If he doesn't watch himself he won't have any friends to go back to when this relationship fails (which it will b/c she cheats on him).

Sorry.....started going on a personal rant there.....

PrettyBoy · #25 03-10-2008, 01:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Ahh, but your average college relationship--or even your average dating relationship--is nothing like a marriage. I expect folks who are dating seriously or cohabiting to be joined at the hip, but your typical college couple who may not even be together after graduation? That's just co-dependency.

On that same token, if you're not actively working on your friendships while in a relationship, you're not exactly a true friend if you come crying back to them when you find yourself suddenly single. Some of the strongest relationships I know are the ones where both members of the couple have, you know...lives.

Exactly marriage and courting are different, I never said they were the same. 9 times out of 10, your typical college couple will not be together after graduation, because it's a different time now and people have different agendas and morals. 40-50 years ago couples married their highschool sweethearts, and stayed together, unlike today.

I don't see anything wrong with hanging out with friends once in a while, but when I'm in a relationship, I feel strongly about meeting her needs 1st before theirs are met.

PrettyBoy · #26 03-10-2008, 01:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I agree. It's just healthy to maintain friendships. You can't spend ALL of your time with your bf/gf. It's impossible. I mean, you might want to go do something girly like get pedicures, there are some things you just want to do with your girls.

I agree here. A woman spending time with her girlfriends is fine by me, it just all depends on where they're spending their time together.

I don't have a problem with pedicures at all...really I don't. Infact I STRONGLY encourage it.

PrettyBoy · #27 03-10-2008, 01:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimmy Choo

(which it will b/c she cheats on him).

Doesn't surprise me.

dzfan · #28 03-10-2008, 01:10 PM

I feel like it gets harder as I get older to make sure that I can make time for EVERYONE in my life (work, friends, family, boyfriend, not to mention my own alone time where I can get in some exercise, reading, or general alone time). It actually stresses me out often, but I do spend the most time with my BF, because I have the most fun with him. I don't think that's wrong, but I do feel like I remind myself every day to also make time for others and myself, because I do think that everyone should stay well-rounded. However, I do think that friends should expect that when one of their friends has a serious sig. other, he/she will probably hang out with them less, and I think that's OK.

KonfidentOne · #29 03-10-2008, 11:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimmy Choo

While you do need to dedicate time to your SO and your relationships with your friends need to evolve, they shouldn't dissolve...friends were there before and unless you completely screw them over they will be there after! I'm going thru a situation like this with one of my friends and he has completely turned his back on all his friends. He makes time for no one but her. If he doesn't watch himself he won't have any friends to go back to when this relationship fails (which it will b/c she cheats on him).

Sorry.....started going on a personal rant there.....

But in a healthy relationship, isn't your significant other supposed to be your friend too? Your friends are obviously not in a healthy relationship if she's cheating. This may only be my opinion, but I think you need to be able to truly call someone your friend before you try to establish a serious relationship with them. People who are your friends have your best interest at heart, which is something I know that I would want from a person that I'm in a relationship with...

cheerfulgreek · #30 03-11-2008, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KonfidentOne

But in a healthy relationship, isn't your significant other supposed to be your friend too? Your friends are obviously not in a healthy relationship if she's cheating. This may only be my opinion, but I think you need to be able to truly call someone your friend before you try to establish a serious relationship with them. People who are your friends have your best interest at heart, which is something I know that I would want from a person that I'm in a relationship with...

I agree with you.