Needing help fitting in despite rough circumstances.

[melindawarren]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Everyone telling the OP what she needs to do w/r/t the police, please STFU. This is an intensely personal decision, and it is hers to make, not yours. She is receiving professional counseling, and knows what her options are.

1. If I understand the way some types of counseling work, she may not know all her options.

2. If you ask for an opinion, you get one. Aside from one person, everyone simply advised that reporting him to the police might bring closure. If someone came to me about a rape situation, I'd advise that person to bring it to the police. Because, in many cases, that's a very good piece of advice. But it's not my decision; it's just my idea of advising someone.

[DZsis&mom]

I am not being rude to the OP... BUTTTTTT

Am I the only one who noticed timeline problems with this story?

I'm in a better place right now somewhat, because most of this culminated in a huge breakdown where one of my guy friends brought me to the crisis center and I was admitted to the hospital for three days.

I'm not saying that this is all my sisters being bad people because the large majority do NOT know what I'm going through. My big is the only one who knows… she's supported me since I found out I was her little. Sometime after Christmas something changed in our friendship and we haven't been talking except for the day I was admitted.

She is posting this 2 days after Christmas - how was she admitted for 3 days.

And then we have the issue of the Grades for the Semester. She stated the agreement she made with the instructor didn't work out. Also...skipping classes....bad performance. If she was doing so poorly...did she go thru initiation?

If the story is true...Bless her heart.

But I don't think so. She states she's on meds - If she is already in counseling & possible a support group. Why lay it out on the line in Greek Chat..???

Don't mean to offend. & my 2 cents doesn't buy Much.

Just how I see it.

[melindawarren]

Originally Posted by DZsis&mom

I am not being rude to the OP... BUTTTTTT

Am I the only one who noticed timeline problems with this story?

I'm in a better place right now somewhat, because most of this culminated in a huge breakdown where one of my guy friends brought me to the crisis center and I was admitted to the hospital for three days.

I'm not saying that this is all my sisters being bad people because the large majority do NOT know what I'm going through. My big is the only one who knows… she's supported me since I found out I was her little. Sometime after Christmas something changed in our friendship and we haven't been talking except for the day I was admitted.

She is posting this 2 days after Christmas - how was she admitted for 3 days.

And then we have the issue of the Grades for the Semester. She stated the agreement she made with the instructor didn't work out. Also...skipping classes....bad performance. If she was doing so poorly...did she go thru initiation?

If the story is true...Bless her heart.

But I don't think so. She states she's on meds - If she is already in counseling & possible a support group. Why lay it out on the line in Greek Chat..???

Don't mean to offend. & my 2 cents doesn't buy Much.

Just how I see it.

I didn't notice the "admitted" part in the second one.

I did, however, notice that she and her big haven't talked since Christmas and thought that maybe it was premature to lament the lost friendship there (especially considering I owe my big a phone call...since we haven't spoken in almost a week?).

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by DZsis&mom

I am not being rude to the OP... BUTTTTTT

Am I the only one who noticed timeline problems with this story?

I'm in a better place right now somewhat, because most of this culminated in a huge breakdown where one of my guy friends brought me to the crisis center and I was admitted to the hospital for three days.

I'm not saying that this is all my sisters being bad people because the large majority do NOT know what I'm going through. My big is the only one who knows… she's supported me since I found out I was her little. Sometime after Christmas something changed in our friendship and we haven't been talking except for the day I was admitted.

She is posting this 2 days after Christmas - how was she admitted for 3 days.

And then we have the issue of the Grades for the Semester. She stated the agreement she made with the instructor didn't work out. Also...skipping classes....bad performance. If she was doing so poorly...did she go thru initiation?

If the story is true...Bless her heart.

But I don't think so. She states she's on meds - If she is already in counseling & possible a support group. Why lay it out on the line in Greek Chat..???

Don't mean to offend. & my 2 cents doesn't buy Much.

Just how I see it.

My question marks were her saying in one place that she has trouble sleeping and under the "self destructive behavior" she says she sleeps all the time. And promiscuity when she says sounds and colors and words can cause paralyzing fear? Not saying it couldn't be caused by the feelings of worthlessness, but I just can't see someone with the fears she's described being capable of being promiscuous.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

My question marks were her saying in one place that she has trouble sleeping and under the "self destructive behavior" she says she sleeps all the time. And promiscuity when she says sounds and colors and words can cause paralyzing fear? Not saying it couldn't be caused by the feelings of worthlessness, but I just can't see someone with the fears she's described being capable of being promiscuous.

I can believe it, when you add in the drinking. It seems believable to me that someone could have a lot of problems when sober, drink too much to dull the symptoms, and act out sexually when drinking.

The sleeping thing... I don't know. Sleeping too much is a depression symptom. Not sleeping is a depression symptom. I don't know if people go back and forth between the two.

[DubaiSis]

DBB, while I appreciate what you're saying, she came here looking for advice. If we were walking up to random woman on the street, yes, STFU would be appropriate. She is clearly trying to take baby steps toward reaching out, even if to complete strangers. Having a few people nudge her in the direction she undoubtedly already knows to be the right thing might be the little push she needs.

[lunalovegood]

Okay, I should probably clear up the issues.

For DZsis&mom, I put Christmas but meant Thanksgiving... my big & I stopped talking much after Thanksgiving and throughout the Christmas season it was uncomfortable. I edited that in the post; thank you for pointing it out to me.

If I thought my case would hold in a legal setting, I'd go through with it. But, unfortunately, because I was afraid and terrified and felt absolutely disgusted with myself after it happened, I didn't get a rape test or anything. I was in shock. I didn't press judicial charges until over a month later.

I was initiated. I'm repeating the semester so none of my grades for this semester will count. I have to talk to my VP Scholarship to see exactly how this will affect my membership status/standing, and possibly the President as well.

I was seeing my school counselor and psychiatrist, and my school counselor was not enough for me as I could only see her every other week at most. The counseling center I have now is setting me up with weekly appointments, at the least.

My main issue is that I would like to know how I can better reach out to my sisters; as I said, these are girls I love and want to get to know better, but I need to know how to do this when I feel like a sea of my own unique and bad experiences and my own mental state seem to be hindering me from doing this.

[FSUZeta]

"My main issue is that I would like to know how I can better reach out to my sisters; as I said, these are girls I love and want to get to know better, but I need to know how to do this when I feel like a sea of my own unique and bad experiences and my own mental state seem to be hindering me from doing this."lunalovegood


your counselor might be the best person to advise you, in that respect.

[KDCat]

Been there, done that.

Here's what helped me:

You need to substitute a healthy behavior for the cutting. You're doing that to deal with the anxiety, yes? Try running. You should start a running program every morning. Get up early to do it. Every time you feel like cutting go for another run. It will help with the depression and help blow out the anxiety. If you can't run, get a couch to 5k training program and learn to run. Biking or swimming or any other hard aerobic exercise is going to help. This will start helping in the short term. If you do it regularly, it should start helping right away.

You are already taking an SSRI medication. (Zoloft, Prozac, etc.) They are excellent for relieving the type of anxiety that you are dealing with. If they are not doing enough, you can change medication or change dosage. Talk to a doctor. You may need to take a different kind of medication, like Wellbutrin.

Take a holiday from drinking and going out where there will be boys. Start showing up for house events that don't involve those things. You bond with people by spending time with them. Spend time with your sisters doing things that don't involve alcohol or boys.

I guarantee that other women in your chapter have had sexual assault experiences. In my small chapter, several people had those experiences. About 25% of college women will experience some form of sexual assault. It's not your fault and you're not weird for having this happen.

Give yourself time. It may take a year or two to settle down.

Counselors didn't do much for me, frankly. I got a lot more out of Albert Ellis' self-help books. Ellis founded a school of psychology called Rational Emotive Therapy. It's a sort of DIY cognitive behavior therapy. It was really useful to me. He has a tone of books, but you might try this one:

http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Des...1&sr=8-3-fkmr0

Also, I had to quit drinking entirely. About two years after my rape, I decided I had a drinking problem and went to AA. I spent a long time in AA. It helped me, but I had access to some very good AA groups and groups with young people in them. There's a lot of bad AA out there, so it may not be helpful to you. You also have to watch what group you join because I've known women to be revictimized by male AA members. It's 18 years later and I'm not sure I was an alcoholic. I do know that drinking triggered my PTSD, though. I would barricade myself in my room when I drank. I just can't drink anymore. (I was pretty drunk when I was raped. Not too drunk to run away or say "no," but too drunk to stop it.)

You may also not be alcohol dependent, even though you're drinking too much. If AA isn't for you, you might want to try Rational Recovery (read the Little Book). It can give you strategies for quitting drinking abusively without declaring yourself alcoholic. Women for Sobriety is a great group for women that focuses on building women up, rather than the "ego deflation" that is one of the core principles of AA . Moderation Management might also be worth a check.

[lunalovegood]

Guysguysguysguysguys.

I appreciate all the advice & support you have given me, and it really means a lot to know my fellow sisters as well as GLOs are supporting me.

It is not my goal to make any skeptics believe me. I have presented my situation; take it as you will.

I have every possible professional resource at my disposal: counseling, psychiatry, support groups, hot-lines, the dean of students, the counseling center at school, the tutoring center at school, Internet support, books, pamphlets, worksheets. Some of this I didn't have before my hospitalization.

All of those things... don't replace friends, family, sisters. Sometimes I don't need to talk to a counselor; I need a hug from a friend. Or someone to take me out to Starbucks and chat with their day about me, or someone to watch a movie with me. I want to be able to listen to my sisters about their lives and their problems. I don't need them to know about the rape and my entire life story. I want to know how I can better reach out to them and be a normal, functioning, loving sister despite what I am currently going through.

I'm grateful for all the advice I've received; I'm just trying to better communicate my needs.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by lunalovegood

All of those things... don't replace friends, family, sisters. Sometimes I don't need to talk to a counselor; I need a hug from a friend. Or someone to take me out to Starbucks and chat with their day about me, or someone to watch a movie with me. I want to be able to listen to my sisters about their lives and their problems. I don't need them to know about the rape and my entire life story. I want to know how I can better reach out to them and be a normal, functioning, loving sister despite what I am currently going through.

I'm grateful for all the advice I've received; I'm just trying to better communicate my needs.

You get those things from other people by giving those things to other people. You need to suit up, show up and be of service to your sisters. Make yourself useful. Help with whatever you can help with. Go to intermurals. Ask people to the movies. If you don't live in the house, go hang out at the house. Watch TV with your sisters.

It takes time and effort. If it's difficult at first, you need to fake it until you make it.

You need to focus less on yourself and more on others.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by lunalovegood

Guysguysguysguysguys.

All of those things... don't replace friends, family, sisters. Sometimes I don't need to talk to a counselor; I need a hug from a friend. Or someone to take me out to Starbucks and chat with their day about me, or someone to watch a movie with me. I want to be able to listen to my sisters about their lives and their problems. I don't need them to know about the rape and my entire life story. I want to know how I can better reach out to them and be a normal, functioning, loving sister despite what I am currently going through.

I'm grateful for all the advice I've received; I'm just trying to better communicate my needs.

Like I said, it's really hard to know how to tell you to do that without knowing more about the makeup of your chapter and your school. But no one wants you to give details to the point where you would out yourself.

If it seems that people are being reluctant to give you advice, it's just that they don't want to say something that might backfire. I could say, yes, go ahead and reach out to your sisters, and everything will be fine, and they will all respond with open arms, regardless of anything you've done the past semester. But I went to a small public school in the Northeast 20+ years ago. This may be EONS from the school/Greek system you are at now. My advice may be equivalent to a steaming pile of poo.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by 33girl

If it seems that people are being reluctant to give you advice, it's just that they don't want to say something that might backfire. I could say, yes, go ahead and reach out to your sisters, and everything will be fine, and they will all respond with open arms, regardless of anything you've done the past semester.

My advice was intended to be general. It's what I'd tell anyone who was screwing up this badly. I have no idea if it will work. OP may not be able to recover those relationships.

My collegiate chapter would be be pretty pissed at this point. OP is drinking, sleeping around, cutting, and failing classes. The chapter has no explanation for what is going on with her. They'd be embarrassed and mad.

If OP doesn't want to explain to the chapter, the only thing OP can do is straighten up her act and do her best to be a good sister. If she stops acting out, eventually the chapter may realize that she isn't the psycho she seemed to be in her first semester. It's going to take a lot of time, though.

I'd probably apologize to my Big, too. OP has put her in a terrible position. I wouldn't expect a parent or professional to be able to stop someone from cutting, and OP's Big has been trying to take responsibility for that. She's just a college student. It's an entirely unfair that anyone expects that the Big should be in a position to manage another sister's psychiatric problem. If I were the Big, I'd pull back, too. OP says she "just wants a friend," but she's also expecting that her Big will help her NOT cut by patrolling her life for sharps. That's not a friend. That's a psych nurse.

[33girl]

I didn't mean you, and I wasn't criticizing your advice, it was good advice. The OP just seemed to be wondering why there wasn't more people telling her what to do throughout the thread.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I didn't mean you, and I wasn't criticizing your advice, it was good advice. The OP just seemed to be wondering why there wasn't more people telling her what to do throughout the thread.

I think it boils down to the same reason our bar-admitted GC friends don't hand out legal advice. This isn't some girl asking how to get recs or what to wear to pref.