Dating/Friends With Introverted Guy

[agzg]

I wouldn't call live-in introverted but he is very shy and cautious with his feelings. We just took it slow. I stayed with him through that because I knew I loved him. Took us a while but we got there eventually.

I'll keep you updated .

I do know what I want, but often times it can come out a bit "explosive" like I would tend to get excited over the littlest things that get me happy and I'm afraid that freaks the introverted person out or they start thinking I'm crazy. I don't want to act like a complete opposite. I say what I say is on my mind(not always a good thing ) and do things that can sometimes seem obsessive. Then when I realize what I am doing, it can be too late. I see the look on the other person's face like I'm a freak.
I can't control myself especially when I'm happy and comfortable, but for an introverted person it might scare them. So when I'm with him, it takes an enormous amount of control to just relax, nod, smile and keep my voice to a minimum, and not wave my arms around like a mad person. Maybe we are not compatible...

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by yougc

I'll keep you updated .

I do know what I want, but often times it can come out a bit "explosive" like I would tend to get excited over the littlest things that get me happy and I'm afraid that freaks the introverted person out or they start thinking I'm crazy. I don't want to act like a complete opposite. I say what I say is on my mind(not always a good thing ) and do things that can sometimes seem obsessive or overbearing. Then when I realize, it can be too late. I see the look on the other person's face like I'm a freak.
I can't control myself especially when I'm happy, but for an introverted person it might scare them. So when I'm with him, it takes an enormous amount of control to just relax, nod, smile and keep my voice to a minimum, and not wave my arms around like a mad person.

As long as you feel like you're being you. I'd recommend stop trying to think of him as an introverted person and instead thinking of him as, well, him. A lot of his personality could just be him, or your individual relationship with him and not based on introversion vs. extroversion.

Re: your edit: You might not be compatible but you also might be. You're early in a relationship and you're still figuring it all out.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by yougc

Maybe we are not compatible...

Maybe "he's just not that into you." That's also a possibility.

Don't operate based on anything we say. Do what you do because you are an adult who knows what you want.

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Maybe "he's just not that into you." That's also a possibility.

.

Thanks for your posts. And will do.

What does that "quote" even mean? I keep hearing it, and only watched a movie with that title half way. But what does that mean really?

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by yougc

Thanks for your posts. And will do.

What does that "quote" even mean? I keep hearing it, and only watched a movie with that title half way. But what does that mean really?

It's a book. The gist of which is all these "signs" that women see and judge and try to figure out exactly how they mean that guy likes them.. probably mean he's not interested in you. Because if he were, he'd say it.

Amazon

I will check it out! These signs to see if its true or they are just false premonitions about a guy?

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by yougc

I will check it out! These signs to see if its true or they are just false premonitions about a guy?

I warn you, I'm not a big fan of 'relationship' books. I think they espouse the authors' view on relationships not necessarily the reality for the individual relationship.

Anyway, the idea is that women make excuses for guys blowing them off or not saying the right words and it's all because 'he really loves me, he just...(fill in the blank)." When if the guy really liked the girl he'd actually call/show up/ say so.

[DrPhil]

Thanks, Drolefile.

There was nothing too groundbreaking in what Greg Behrandt said as a writer/consultant for SATC, in his book, in his talk show, and for the movie. It really goes without saying and people have to take all advice with as many grains of salt as they choose.

Long story short, people aren't as difficult to figure out as they pretend to be. As agzg's post shows, those who want to express themselves and make a relationship work do exactly that even if it takes a little longer. There's no game playing. If a man is hard to figure out and you haven't invested that much time into him yet, that's the perfect time to consider exiting stage left.

It would probably be that way the way things are difficult with my situation. It's all me. I guess I don't have enough experience to really know what is good vs. bad when it comes to relationships. I don't have the life lessons or the friend examples. I'm just going on a whim or I won't be on here discussing it.

[BluPhire]

Being an introvert myself (a true introvert) a lot of people that use (and especially the ones I'm reading here) are not the true definition of introversion. We are not shy, and we definitely aren't against talking to people or groups. It pretty much boils down to if we had a choice we find pleasure in doing things on our own instead of always kicking it with a group.

I still kicked it with my frat brothers, but I call very few friend...even fewer close friend. But those that I call friend, you would think I was the most extroverted person in the room. At the end of the day though, I felt it was more my "duty" in the frat to make appearances (small chapter) until we got larger and more frat brothers became the face of the org.

My wife didn't understand me at first because she took my introversion as shyness. She didn't realize I like to choose my words around people, especially people I don't know, because well i don't know them...and I could care less what people thought of me. It caused controversy...but then as she got to know me (and compared me to other family members who are very extroverted) she respected that I don't try to quickly take over a room. Helps keep foot in mouth disease at bay. She knows that when I do speak to people it is out of an obligation to being cordial. I could careless about making friendship with you when I first meet you. Now if you got a shy person who can't even communicate their feelings, that's not introversion...that's somebody that is socially inept.

Originally Posted by BluPhire

Being an introvert myself (a true introvert) a lot of people that use (and especially the ones I'm reading here) are not the true definition of introversion. We are not shy, and we definitely aren't against talking to people or groups. It pretty much boils down to if we had a choice we find pleasure in doing things on our own instead of always kicking it with a group.

I still kicked it with my frat brothers, but I call very few friend...even fewer close friend. But those that I call friend, you would think I was the most extroverted person in the room. At the end of the day though, I felt it was more my "duty" in the frat to make appearances (small chapter) until we got larger and more frat brothers became the face of the org.

My wife didn't understand me at first because she took my introversion as shyness. She didn't realize I like to choose my words around people, especially people I don't know, because well i don't know them...and I could care less what people thought of me. It caused controversy...but then as she got to know me (and compared me to other family members who are very extroverted) she respected that I don't try to quickly take over a room. Helps keep foot in mouth disease at bay. She knows that when I do speak to people it is out of an obligation to being cordial. I could careless about making friendship with you when I first meet you. Now if you got a shy person who can't even communicate their feelings, that's not introversion...that's somebody that is socially inept.

Yes well that's all fine and dandy. But when was it your turn to finally tell/show her that you loved her? I mean she had her patience with you, and this is a wonderful experience thank you for sharing, but if an introvert was careful around people at first and careless about friendship then when is it ok for them to express? Ever? How and when did you final make a move and pass that introverted transition? Because if a relationship is only a one way street, no matter how much patience the other person has, that introverted person will never express anything if that is his/her nature.

[BluPhire]

Originally Posted by yougc

Yes well that's all fine and dandy. But when was it your turn to finally tell/show her that you loved her? I mean she had her patience with you, and this is a wonderful experience thank you for sharing, but if an introvert was careful around people at first and careless about friendship then when is it ok for them to express? Ever? How and when did you final make a move and pass that introverted transition? Because if a relationship is only a one way street, no matter how much patience the other person has, that introverted person will never express anything if that is his/her nature.

You missed the point. We have no problem showing love. Introverted =\= (does not equal) don't know how to show your spouse how you feel about them. What you are describing is somebody with social issues, possibly somebody who hates confrontation. Introverts have no problem telling somebody about themselves, especially if they have an issue with that person.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by BluPhire

You missed the point. We have no problem showing love. Introverted =\= (does not equal) don't know how to show your spouse how you feel about them. What you are describing is somebody with social issues, possibly somebody who hates confrontation. Introverts have no problem telling somebody about themselves, especially if they have an issue with that person.

Yeah, we told the troll this. LOL.

[BluPhire]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Yeah, we told the troll this. LOL.

I was bored.

I needed a center of attention moment. LOL