What do you feel like saying, right now?

[XAntoftheSkyX]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Yeah, I almost had to deal with this. Here’s the thing, man, weddings will bring out the best and worst in people. You’re creating a sacred moment, and some folks show up acting like it’s open mic night for their unsolicited opinions. In those situations, the challenge is protecting your peace without setting off a grenade at your own celebration.

I’d just say (in kind) you don’t want them there. Or if you’re me, be firm with conviction and just tell them they’re not invited. Period. But if you already invited them and it’s too late to change it, the best advice I can give is to not give them power. You know who they are. You know how they operate. So nothing they say or do should surprise you. That awareness gives you control, so they can’t ruin what you’ve already prepared yourself for.

Also, delegate. Have someone in your corner (best man, sibling, cousin you trust) keep an eye on them. Quietly. That way if they start crossing lines, it doesn’t fall on you to deal with it in the moment. You’re not there to manage personalities, you’re there to get married.

And if they say something slick, just smile, nod, and walk away. Not every jab deserves a reply. You win by not letting them pull you out of character on your big day. Be the version of yourself your spouse fell in love with, not the version some bitter relative tried to drag out.

Like I said, I almost had to deal with this myself with a cousin of mine. But I didn’t invite her. Didn’t even let it leak I was getting married in a way she’d find out. I already knew how she would act, so I cut that drama off at the root. Easiest call I made during wedding planning. Peace over petty, every time.

Yeah family dynamics kind of forced my hand. Said family member is related (by marriage) to my mom's side of the family and since my mom's side of the family is much smaller than my dad's, my grandma (mom's mom) would have felt a type of way about that. The relative in question, while can be snarky, has had a long history of it and my mom's family are all aware of it. Thankfully she is sometimes inconsistent with her comments so I may just dodge my way through an awkward event.

They have been invited and confirmed the RSVP recently. I'm just hoping with all the planning and logistics, plus herding my in-laws from Japan I'll be too busy to hear or notice anything uncouth.

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

I agree with PB. Just don’t invite them. The hell with them.

Like I said with PB, that die has been cast already.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

PB, you’re a unicorn, bro Lol.

I saw this earlier but didn’t respond because I don’t even know what this means. GC has had a history of posting unicorns with rainbows shooting out the back, and everyone who knows my posts and/or me IRL and my history on here knows my stance and convictions on “the rainbow”. I don’t think that’s what you meant, but it was the first thing that crossed my mind. Not laughing.

Originally Posted by XAntoftheSkyX

Yeah family dynamics kind of forced my hand. Said family member is related (by marriage) to my mom's side of the family and since my mom's side of the family is much smaller than my dad's, my grandma (mom's mom) would have felt a type of way about that. The relative in question, while can be snarky, has had a long history of it and my mom's family are all aware of it. Thankfully she is sometimes inconsistent with her comments so I may just dodge my way through an awkward event.

They have been invited and confirmed the RSVP recently. I'm just hoping with all the planning and logistics, plus herding my in-laws from Japan I'll be too busy to hear or notice anything uncouth.
.

Yeah, I get it. Family pressure is real, especially when you’re trying to keep the peace for the older generation. Just don’t forget your peace still matters in the middle of all that diplomacy, man.

You’re not wrong for hoping it goes smooth. But if it doesn’t, just remember you didn’t create that energy. She did. You’re not responsible for filtering your entire wedding experience through her unpredictability.

Keep someone close who can help buffer or pull her aside if she gets slick. That way you stay focused on the real moment of you and your wife stepping into something sacred.

And if she crosses a line, you’ve got every right to protect your space. RSVP or not, no one gets a free pass to disturb your peace. Just putting that out there.

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I saw this earlier but didn’t respond because I don’t even know what this means. GC has had a history of posting unicorns with rainbows shooting out the back, and everyone who knows my posts and/or me IRL and my history on here knows my stance and convictions on “the rainbow”. I don’t think that’s what you meant, but it was the first thing that crossed my mind. Not laughing.

LMAO! I hollered. I’m weak y’all LOL. I was paying you a compliment. I know your posts and I’m one of the GCers who met you IRL. Ate with you. When I called you a unicorn, I’m saying that you’re a rare dude, especially among the D9. You didn’t like the nightclub at that young of an age, college, so I called you a unicorn.

You graduated from an HBCU and pledged a fraternity there. The player fraternity too. That’s like being a Navy seal who’s also a monk LOL! Dude, after meeting you IRL and reading your posts over the years, I’ve picked up that you’re not driven by validation. Most D9 dudes, especially in undergrad get pulled in by that kind of energy - attention, popularity, women, social scenes. You? You stayed low key. Didn’t need the club, didn’t chase the spotlight, and weren’t out to prove anything. At an HBCU, you could’ve played the pretty boy role. Easily. You could’ve soaked up attention just by showing up. You had the option to leverage your looks like others do and chose not to. You had the spotlight in your hands and didn’t even care to turn it on. That’s uncommon. Even more so when you actually have the looks and presence to be front and center if you wanted. A pretty looking dude with good hair in the “pretty boy” fraternity (and I’ve seen some ugly ass Krappas) at an HBCU, that’s chick magnet all day. Yet, you still didn’t run through chicks like that. I would have LOL.

Then, you have an artistic, detail obsessed mind. Your real cars, your model cars, your dioramas, your car designs, boat designs, and other shit you draw, that’s not just career and hobby stuff. Bro, that’s intellectual craftsmanship. It’s rare to find a D9 dude, or really, any dude, with that level of patience, focus, and storytelling behind physical creations. That comes from emotional depth, imagination, and discipline. That’s elite-tier rare in fraternity culture. You ARE a unicorn LOL. You’re spiritually anchored too. You lead with God, you stay grounded, and you don’t follow trends. In a culture where a lot of folks talk values but live for attention, your walk is consistent. For real. That puts you in a different class, especially among D9 dudes who often get praised for image more than substance.

You’re also layered. Dude, you can chop it up about racing and models, drop biblical knowledge, call out BS with surgical clarity, and still joke like a regular dude. That blend of intellect, masculinity, and wit is extremely rare, not just among black men, but dudes period. In the Divine 9, you’re the dude people remember but never fully understand. That in itself is chick bait Lol. You don’t fit the mold. You’re not loud, not passive, not overly polished, not wild, you’re just real bro. And that realness is magnetic, intimidating, and unforgettable. You’re not just rare for the D9. You’re rare for dudes, period. That’s why folks on here who met IRL had good things to say about you. For real. I can’t speak for others who met you IRL on here, but that’s what I left with after hanging out with you.

Now sit your ass down and get up with the times…. UNICORN! Lol.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

LMAO! I hollered. I’m weak y’all LOL. I was paying you a compliment. I know your posts and I’m one of the GCers who met you IRL. Ate with you. When I called you a unicorn, I’m saying that you’re a rare dude, especially among the D9. You didn’t like the nightclub at that young of an age, college, so I called you a unicorn.

You graduated from an HBCU and pledged a fraternity there. The player fraternity too. That’s like being a Navy seal who’s also a monk LOL! Dude, after meeting you IRL and reading your posts over the years, I’ve picked up that you’re not driven by validation. Most D9 dudes, especially in undergrad get pulled in by that kind of energy - attention, popularity, women, social scenes. You? You stayed low key. Didn’t need the club, didn’t chase the spotlight, and weren’t out to prove anything. At an HBCU, you could’ve played the pretty boy role. Easily. You could’ve soaked up attention just by showing up. You had the option to leverage your looks like others do and chose not to. You had the spotlight in your hands and didn’t even care to turn it on. That’s uncommon. Even more so when you actually have the looks and presence to be front and center if you wanted. A pretty looking dude with good hair in the “pretty boy” fraternity (and I’ve seen some ugly ass Krappas) at an HBCU, that’s chick magnet all day. Yet, you still didn’t run through chicks like that. I would have LOL.

Then, you have an artistic, detail obsessed mind. Your real cars, your model cars, your dioramas, your car designs, boat designs, and other shit you draw, that’s not just career and hobby stuff. Bro, that’s intellectual craftsmanship. It’s rare to find a D9 dude, or really, any dude, with that level of patience, focus, and storytelling behind physical creations. That comes from emotional depth, imagination, and discipline. That’s elite-tier rare in fraternity culture. You ARE a unicorn LOL. You’re spiritually anchored too. You lead with God, you stay grounded, and you don’t follow trends. In a culture where a lot of folks talk values but live for attention, your walk is consistent. For real. That puts you in a different class, especially among D9 dudes who often get praised for image more than substance.

You’re also layered. Dude, you can chop it up about racing and models, drop biblical knowledge, call out BS with surgical clarity, and still joke like a regular dude. That blend of intellect, masculinity, and wit is extremely rare, not just among black men, but dudes period. In the Divine 9, you’re the dude people remember but never fully understand. That in itself is chick bait Lol. You don’t fit the mold. You’re not loud, not passive, not overly polished, not wild, you’re just real bro. And that realness is magnetic, intimidating, and unforgettable. You’re not just rare for the D9. You’re rare for dudes, period. That’s why folks on here who met IRL had good things to say about you. For real. I can’t speak for others who met you IRL on here, but that’s what I left with after hanging out with you.

Now sit your ass down and get up with the times…. UNICORN! Lol.

Man, I read that whole thing twice. That hit different. You didn’t just gas me up, you saw me. And coming from somebody who knows my posts and has actually sat down and broken bread with me, that carries weight.

I’ve never moved for attention. I just try to stay grounded, walk in truth, and let my actions speak. So to hear that came through, that it’s been noticed over the years, that meant more than you know.

You didn’t have to say all that, but you did. And it landed. I appreciate the words, the respect, and the way you laid it out. For real. Salute, Phroze.

But if you think I’m rare, valuable, or one-of-a-kind, just say that. 😂 I’m direct. I speak in plain terms. So when someone says “unicorn,” my mind goes to everything that term’s been co-opted to mean, and none of it reflects who I am or how I want to be seen. A lot of modern slang is drenched in pop culture or innuendo that doesn’t align with my values.

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Man, I read that whole thing twice. That hit different. You didn’t just gas me up, you saw me. And coming from somebody who knows my posts and has actually sat down and broken bread with me, that carries weight.

I’ve never moved for attention. I just try to stay grounded, walk in truth, and let my actions speak. So to hear that came through, that it’s been noticed over the years, that meant more than you know.

You didn’t have to say all that, but you did. And it landed. I appreciate the words, the respect, and the way you laid it out. For real. Salute, Phroze.

But if you think I’m rare, valuable, or one-of-a-kind, just say that. 😂 I’m direct. I speak in plain terms. So when someone says “unicorn,” my mind goes to everything that term’s been co-opted to mean, and none of it reflects who I am or how I want to be seen. A lot of modern slang is drenched in pop culture or innuendo that doesn’t align with my values.

Since you don’t like unicorn, I’ll use Krappacorn instead LOL!

[carnation]

Okay y'all, I've had members ask if I can have people tone down the personal insults in this thread. Whatever the insults are, you know if you're trying to zap someone--so don't.

[sigmagirl2000]

With all the hate flying in other threads, this is the one people are complaint about!??!

Oy vey.

[XAntoftheSkyX]

Originally Posted by XAntoftheSkyX

Yeah family dynamics kind of forced my hand. Said family member is related (by marriage) to my mom's side of the family and since my mom's side of the family is much smaller than my dad's, my grandma (mom's mom) would have felt a type of way about that. The relative in question, while can be snarky, has had a long history of it and my mom's family are all aware of it. Thankfully she is sometimes inconsistent with her comments so I may just dodge my way through an awkward event.

So funnily enough, said family members came, had 0 issues, and were the most generous by far with offering to pay for things/their wedding gift/etc.

Everything that week was perfect, so I can't complain at all.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by XAntoftheSkyX

So funnily enough, said family members came, had 0 issues, and were the most generous by far with offering to pay for things/their wedding gift/etc.

Everything that week was perfect, so I can't complain at all.

The pictures on Facebook looked amazing! Congratulations!

[XAntoftheSkyX]

Originally Posted by AGDee

The pictures on Facebook looked amazing! Congratulations!

Thanks! I can't wait for the photographer's photos to get back to us in a few weeks.

She isn't too bad considering you didn't match your daughter with me like you had said all those years ago lol

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by XAntoftheSkyX

Thanks! I can't wait for the photographer's photos to get back to us in a few weeks.

She isn't too bad considering you didn't match your daughter with me like you had said all those years ago lol

Yeah, well, you two were never in the same state..lol. She's still (kind of) single (in a relationship) working on a PhD and in Denver for at least 5 more years.

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Nope, not really. What you’re missing is that wrongful convictions happen because of bad “dot connecting.” A lot of innocent people are convicted because someone “connected dots” that weren’t really there. But the reason those dots were connected is bias and agenda, not neutral reasoning. Know what I mean?
So like, let’s say a detective assumes guilt first, then cherry picks data to fit the theory, while ignoring contradictions. That’s confirmation bias. So yeah, “dot connecting” can lead to injustice when it’s lazy, biased, or like ego driven.

So, my point is that I connect the dots forward, not backward, meaning I observe like a repeating pattern and I let it lead me to a conclusion, rather than deciding the conclusion first and then finding reasons to justify it.

I’m just applying inductive reasoning, not bias, Phrozen.

When I said it’s like diagnosing parasites, that’s key. Like, when I’m at work, I don’t assume a pet has worms and then hunt for evidence, I observe symptoms over multiple visits, lab tests and consistent outcomes. That’s connecting dots responsibly. So I don’t just assume the outcome and then force everything to fit. That’s how science works. I look at data, find patterns, then reach a conclusion. And that’s also what good detectives and judges are supposed to do, but they don’t always. I mean, it wasn’t done with Donald Trump.

Wrongful convictions happen when people assume worms first and ignore test results. See what I’m saying?

What you’re doing is you’re exposing the thin line between discernment and bias. My version works only when it’s grounded in facts, not feelings. Those cases you’re talking about don’t happen because people connect too many dots. they happen because people ignore real ones and create false ones.

So it’s like good dot connecting is based on logic. Bad dot connecting is based prejudice and projection. It’s biased. See the difference? Hope that clears things up.

So college ex had repeated patterns of cheating then? You said you look at repeated patterns, then act. And then you said wrongful convictions happen when you assume first, right? When I asked you if you caught dude cheating, you said no, but went off of some chick leaving a vmail on his phone, then dropped all his shit off he got you at his crib (funniest story on the planet) LOL! You assumed, right? You said you didn’t talk about it or ask dude about it you just dumped him quick. Dude probably came out the next day, saw the bag, looked inside and said WTF? LMAO! For real though, he either cheated several times and you knew, but stayed, the vmail hit a last straw, or you assumed, which contradicts your post.

Originally Posted by XAntoftheSkyX

Thanks! I can't wait for the photographer's photos to get back to us in a few weeks.

She isn't too bad considering you didn't match your daughter with me like you had said all those years ago lol

AGDee was about to hook you up with her daughter? See bro, that’s why do don’t get married. You had options LOL

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Finally got the Austin-Healey running again. It was down for a minute with the usual electrical problems and a tired fuel pump.

Also turned out the old SU pump was barely working and one of the bullet connectors in the ignition wiring was loose too, which caused some random misfires that bothered me. The carbs were also way out of sync, so I gave them a full tune and balance.

I managed tracked down a rebuilt SU pump and a few other odds and ends through my go to parts source and an old Healey guy from the local club here. Got everything at great prices too, cleaned up the grounds, redid the wiring ends and she fired right up.

The MG’s been solid too, just needed an oil change and a quick brake adjustment. But hearing the Healey fire after sitting quiet for so long, man, there’s just nothing like that sound.

And to top off my day, just got a notification another part I needed came in the mail today and I am way too excited to install it this weekend. Can’t wait to see how she runs with it in.

PB is super happy.

Never heard of that one. You’ve never talked about it. Is that one a jalopy like that old MG you have? I remember that thing looking like a Model T.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

Never heard of that one. You’ve never talked about it. Is that one a jalopy like that old MG you have? I remember that thing looking like a Model T.

It’s a 1964. My MG is a 1948.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

So college ex had repeated patterns of cheating then? You said you look at repeated patterns, then act. And then you said wrongful convictions happen when you assume first, right? When I asked you if you caught dude cheating, you said no, but went off of some chick leaving a vmail on his phone, then dropped all his shit off he got you at his crib (funniest story on the planet) LOL! You assumed, right? You said you didn’t talk about it or ask dude about it you just dumped him quick. Dude probably came out the next day, saw the bag, looked inside and said WTF? LMAO! For real though, he either cheated several times and you knew, but stayed, the vmail hit a last straw, or you assumed, which contradicts your post.

lol
Several times? Umm.. I don’t do charity work on guys. You’re confusing me with one of those “I can fix him” girls. I’ve never been the type to do rehab projects or sequel seasons of disrespect. One season of bad writing, and I cancel the show. I’m more of a one episode and done type.

And the voicemail wasn’t a warning shot, it was a verdict. I didn’t need to catch him twice to know what once already proved. That wasn’t an assumption, that was confirmation. Her voicemail wasn’t some innocent “hey bro, call me back” message, it was… let’s just say, more like career ending evidence, lol.

So no, I didn’t need a jury, just a spine. I didn’t ask for explanations because liars rehearse those. I dropped off the bag of gifts, kept my peace, and moved on. Case closed. When I’m in a relationship, guys learn fast that I’m not a therapist, I’m the lesson. I did have to “fix” my hubby a little, but he was SO totally worth it. Kind of like polishing my masterpiece, lol.

Dot connecting and discernment are two of the best friends I’ve ever had in choosing a partner. If logic, discernment, and accountability guided justice the way they guide me personally, this country wouldn’t be living in such a corrupt circus. I am too evolved for America’s dysfunction.

[XAntoftheSkyX]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

AGDee was about to hook you up with her daughter? See bro, that’s why do don’t get married. You had options LOL

Lol, the option was someone I had never talked to, met, or interacted with at all. It was also about 15 years ago, so safe to say that ship never sailed, it didn't even leave the port.