Received a blatant B-list invitation BY PHONE BY PROXY, what to do?

[AGDee]

I don't see a problem with it especially since I have a really big family and there is an obligation to invite family first. I would think the priorities would be a) relatives, b) friends of the bride & groom, c) friends of the parents. If it is a traditional situation where the bride's family is paying for almost everything, then her family/friends/parents' friends may have to be on the list first, even if the groom's mother really wants someone there. Sometimes there are people you have to invite out of obligation even though there are others you really would rather have there. It is difficult to know the attitude behind the B list. B list could be "well, we'll invite them if there is space but we don't care if they are there" or it could be "We really hope enough of the obligatory invites don't come so we can include these people"

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Xidelt

I don't think your husband has to go to the bother and expense of renting a tux. Just wear a dark suit and call it a day. The MOG's rude manners don't warrrant the effort and money of a rental.

I can't believe I'm going to disagree with you and ellebud, but as a husband that would make me feel very uncomfortable, unless I knew for a fact that lots of guys were going to do it. The whole point of stating the appropriate attire is so that people know what to expect and won't feel overdressed or underdressed. I would go with the tux, not out of any sense of obligation to the MOG but for my own comfort at the wedding.

But like ellebud said, I'd buy one. Very good tuxes can be got very cheaply -- often for the price of just a few rentals -- and then you have one.

Of course, I was a music major, so I've had a tux since I was a freshman in college. (Unfortunately for my waistline, not the same one.) Having one seems natural to me.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I can't believe I'm going to disagree with you and ellebud, but as a husband that would make me feel very uncomfortable, unless I knew for a fact that lots of guys were going to do it. The whole point of stating the appropriate attire is so that people know what to expect and won't feel overdressed or underdressed. I would go with the tux, not out of any sense of obligation to the MOG but for my own comfort at the wedding.

But like ellebud said, I'd buy one. Very good tuxes can be got very cheaply -- often for the price of just a few rentals -- and then you have one.

Of course, I was a music major, so I've had a tux since I was a freshman in college. (Unfortunately for my waistline, not the same one.) Having one seems natural to me.

I completely agree. Buy a tux...they look better, are tailored to your fit and cost less in the long run. My husband got a Calvin Klein tux for the cost of two rentals about 3 years ago and has used it at least 5 times now. You also save time having to run out and rent tuxedos in the future.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I would go with the tux, not out of any sense of obligation to the MOG but for my own comfort at the wedding.

But like ellebud said, I'd buy one. Very good tuxes can be got very cheaply -- often for the price of just a few rentals -- and then you have one.

Also, rented tuxes just look...rented. Most of my close male friends just ended up buying their tails (there are a few white tie events our group attends each year). They said that it was just more convenient, cheaper in the long run, and I just happen to think they look way better.

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Uh, that's the point. I'm sorry, I don't believe in B-list guests. Someone is either important to you, and you find a way to put them on your list, or they aren't. You don't get to have it both ways. This case is especially egregious because hubby was invited to the bachelor party.

Uh, so the point is to react to rudeness with more rudeness? No, thanks.

It's also highly unlikely that the person who coordinated the wedding invitations was the same person who's planning the bachelor party. No--you're not supposed to invite anyone to a pre-wedding event who's not going to be invited. It sounds like the pre-wedding planning was a logistical nightmare and who was planning the party never got the memo that Mr. aephi alum wasn't invited to the wedding.

B-lists guests aren't like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. While you may not want to do one, for some people, it's a necessity--especially people with large families, small venues, or a ton of invite obligations. The bride, groom, and their parents are supposed to be discreet about who they're inviting; MOG seems to be the one who was really lacking tact.

I'd either go to the wedding with a real gift, or not go at all.

In seeing friends get married, I didn't realize how much social competition goes into it from a guest end. I've seen some people act like they've Won at Life when they've been invited to a wedding and you haven't. I had some former friends who treated me like shit when I wasn't invited to a wedding--that I couldn't attend because I had another wedding, LOL. Is it really that deep? Apparently for some of y'all it is.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Uh, so the point is to react to rudeness with more rudeness?

How is it rude to donate to a charity that the bride and groom like? Rude would be donating to a cause they hate, distinctly different. If you are really inviting someone for the pleasure of their company (which you should be), you should not care if they bring a gift at all.

If the OP wants to go and have a good time and bring a lovely gift, then she should do that, but clearly she was offended, or wouldn't have posted about it in the first place. I am just saying that nobody is required to deal with offensive behavior just because they have been invited to a wedding.