Deactivation - please help! :(

[sigmadiva]

Originally Posted by ramsey

Quit whining. You had an opportunity to be the change, and you flaked out.



Time management is an important skill that will do you well to learn it now.



......
Suck it up. Either cut ties and don't look back, or put your big girl panties on and be an asset to your chapter. Quit being a whiney ass.

LIKE !!!!

[HQWest]

Not sure I would have said it like that -

Sounds like you just bit off more than you can chew as a sophomore.
The pros still outweigh the cons.

I would recommend trying to just back off for a semester - dont be an officer or a big. If the drama that is recruitment stresses you out - apply to be a recruitment counselor or in the back of the house.

Key thing to remember - deactivating is permanent! You have to give back your letters - your pin, all of them. Also, helping with the new member is a big fat no-no. If I was a member educator, I would only want shiny happy members around, not grumbly, its-not-worth-putting-any-work-into-it, quitters.

[AOII Angel]

Wow, ramsey! Where did you come from? I nominate you for best newbie!

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Wow, ramsey! Where did you come from? I nominate you for best newbie!

Indeed!

People who need to seek GC counsel (from people who are not in their GLO, nonetheless) on such matters would be doing their GLOs a favor by deactivating/depledging.

[FSUZeta]

OP, I can promise you that if your nationals recently held a membership review, that there are serious problems nationals felt needed to be addressed. National officers don't sit around at headquarters throwing darts at a map and then say, "Oh, the dart landed on Problem University. Let's book our flights, go down there and make their lives a living hell"- they don't just swoop down on a chapter without good cause. Most often before the situation becomes one that warrants a membership review national office has tried to work with the chapter to solve the problems while they are still manageable. Your national officers could have pulled your charter and shut down the chapter-consider yourselves lucky.

You may be stuck with the advisors you have because they are the only ones who will give up their personal time to your chapter. There is a lesson to be learned in every situation. Working with these alums., who you say are difficult, may help you gain insight and skills that you will be able to use if you ever encounter a difficult superior when you join the work force. Plus, your advisors may be coming down hard due to the problems the sorority is experiencing right now. It may not seem like it, but those ladies do have the good of the sorority at heart. It is just that they are probably looking at the big picture, while the collegians are more concentrated on their chapter.
Did you know that advisors are not paid? They volunteer their time to serve their sororities. Just telling you this because sometimes collegians have the misconception that alumnae advise because of the pay!

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

It is just that they are probably looking at the big picture, while the collegians be more concentrated on their chapter.

Further, if they've been around for a while, they see things through a historical perspective that collegians don't have if they are only there for four years.

Now, my collegiate chapter had a lot of problems with collegians, alumnae, and HQ not being on the same page, so I would never boil it down to "alumnae are right, collegians are wrong" or vice-versa, rather, I think there can be a lot of talking past one another when trying to explain why and how things are being done.

[Greek_or_Geek?]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

OP, I can promise you that if your nationals recently held a membership review, that there are serious problems nationals felt needed to be addressed. National officers don't sit around at headquarters throwing darts at a map and then say, "Oh, the dart landed on Problem University. Let's book our flights, go down there and make their lives a living hell"- they don't just swoop down on a chapter without good cause. Most often before the situation becomes one that warrants a membership review national office has tried to work with the chapter to solve the problems while they are still manageable. Your national officers could have pulled your charter and shut down the chapter-consider yourselves lucky.

You may be stuck with the advisors you have because they are the only ones who will give up their personal time to your chapter. There is a lesson to be learned in every situation. Working with these alums., who you say are difficult, may help you gain insight and skills that you will be able to use if you ever encounter a difficult superior when you join the work force. Plus, your advisors may be coming down hard due to the problems the sorority is experiencing right now. It may not seem like it, but those ladies do have the good of the sorority at heart. It is just that they are probably looking at the big picture, while the collegians be more concentrated on their chapter.
Did you know that advisors are not paid? They volunteer their time to serve their sororities. Just telling you this because sometimes collegians have the misconception that alumnae advise because of the pay!

Exactly. Dealing with a chapter that has issues severe enough to expel members is not a walk in the park. The actives will never know the truth about the situation and the advisors will all look like big meanies. What you call micromanaging is them trying to make sure your chapter doesn't get shut down.

[33girl]

Honestly, y'all?

It sounds less like she is upset that her sisters lost their membership (which is what usually ticks people off the most in situations like this) and more like she can't believe that someone didn't agree with her because she is so incredibly incredible.

The Tracy Flick is strong in this one. It's great to have strong campus leaders around, but not when they martyr themselves over it or think they should get special privileges. Next.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by wildcat601

By helping with the new member, do you mean my little? Just wanted to clarify. Thank you for your response!

You said:

Originally Posted by wildcat601

This especially applies to my "little" – I love her and feel guilty for ditching her, even though I would still be around and actively help with pledge mom week and stuff.

If you terminate your membership, it would be as inappropriate for you to help her in an active fashion as it would be for you to (example) write a bill for her to submit if she was a student senator. Can you bring her dinner when she's going crazy trying to figure out a schedule for pledge mom week? Yes. Can you go decorate the house with her? No. She should have a committee or at least an assistant pledgemistress to assist her with those things. Even if the two of you are still cool, be aware that if you terminate, there will be some sisters that don't want to see you within a mile of the house - especially if they hold you in the same regard as you appear to hold many of them.

That kind of brings up another question. How DO the majority of the members think of you? Did they just elect you to positions because they thought you would do a good job, or are you genuinely popular in the chapter? I say this because it almost sounds like they have NO CLUE that you regard most of them as drama queens, fake etc. and that you've put forth a very successful "super sister" facade.

[wildcat601]

Originally Posted by 33girl

That kind of brings up another question. How DO the majority of the members think of you? Did they just elect you to positions because they thought you would do a good job, or are you genuinely popular in the chapter? I say this because it almost sounds like they have NO CLUE that you regard most of them as drama queens, fake etc. and that you've put forth a very successful "super sister" facade.

While I said there are a lot of dramatic/fake girls, I didn't say they comprised the majority. I have a handful of very good friends in the chapter, so there are maybe two handfuls of girls I don't like. The rest of the members are nice girls but I don't know them as well.

I think I'm generally liked, but I guess I can't be sure about the way in which I'm liked. Before elections several girls asked me to run for president, so whether or not that's because I'm popular or because I could do a good job, I don't know. People generally value my opinion, but I'm not sure how this relates to whether or not I stay in the chapter. If they wanted me out, they would act like they wanted me out IMHO.

[wildcat601]

Originally Posted by HQWest

Not sure I would have said it like that -

Haha, thank you.

Originally Posted by HQWest

Key thing to remember - deactivating is permanent! You have to give back your letters - your pin, all of them. Also, helping with the new member is a big fat no-no. If I was a member educator, I would only want shiny happy members around, not grumbly, its-not-worth-putting-any-work-into-it, quitters.

By helping with the new member, do you mean my little? Just wanted to clarify. Thank you for your response!