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[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I've never picked up the bible and found any of that written there.

I have.

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

The family does not make the man,

Not always, but I just prefer a man who comes from a similar background as my own.

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

you use your brain as much as your heart to choose your mate.

I agree, and I've said this several times before on here, so this is nothing new. I think it's important to use your brain before you let your emotions get involved, and that takes time in most cases. A lot of people let their decisions follow their emotions, when it's safer the other way around. I just think it's better to "think" first and "feel" later. It just comes down to the right choices eventually bringing the right emotions. Just like the outcome of your whole life, love is a choice, not an emotion.

Originally Posted by honeychile

FWIW, cheerfulgreek and anyone else who cares, we discussed MOMO with our pastor/counselor during our premarital meetings. He thinks it's a good idea.

I never said it wasn't a bad idea. Like I said before, choose someone who agrees with you.

Originally Posted by Ch2tf

But what makes a successful marriage IYO?

I'm sure there are several things, but since you asked for my opinion, I think compatibility, and long-term maintenance are two of them. And more likely than not, the main things.

Compatibility because if you're not walking in the same direction in life, you'll end up going separate ways, and you don't have to be living in separate homes, divorced or whatever for that to happen. I'm not saying that as being exactly alike, but having similar if not the same values is what I'm saying.

Maintenance, because a relationship needs to be maintained in order for it to continue to last/work. Christian or not. IMO, everything needs to be maintained in order for it to survive/work, whether it's your home, a business, a car, your pets, etc. You name it, it needs to be maintained.

[Mevara]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek;

Nope, I've never been married, but for those single people, who have never been married, such as myself, the secret to taking advice is actually quite plain and simple. Take advice from someone who's been successful at accomplishing what you want to accomplish, and this isn't based only on relationships. It should apply to all aspects of your life. Since we're focused on relationships here, find someone who has a successful marriage or relationship and use that person as a source of sound counsel (I don't mean "use" as in take advantage of). I'm not going to sit around with a bunch of other women who are not having success with men and expect to come away with healthy words of wisdom. I just think the quickest way to end a depressing drama is to not let it begin. Seek counsel from experienced people in your lives.

Please do not give advice on marriage if you have not been there!! Take your own advice and leave it to the married folk to do that.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Mevara

leave it to the married folk to do that.

I agree with you, which is why (if you are single) to take advice from someone with more experience than you have. Like I said before that applies to pretty much everything in life. At least I think it does. I just don't think people should jump right into something as serious as marriage without getting advice from someone who's in a healthy marriage.

eta: I said it in the post you just quoted.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I agree with you, which is why (if you are single) to take advice from someone with more experience than you have. Like I said before that applies to pretty much everything in life. At least I think it does. I just don't think people should jump right into something as serious as marriage without getting advice from someone who's in a healthy relationship/marriage.

Just be aware that there are plenty of people (including some at GC and including some who take the Bible quite seriously) who are in very healthy marriages who would not give you some of the advice you've tauted here. Doesn't make anyone right or wrong, just different, as in so many aspects of life.

Do what works for you, but never assume it's the way that works for everyone else.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Just be aware that there are plenty of people (including some at GC and including some who take the Bible quite seriously) who are in very healthy marriages who would not give you some of the advice you've tauted here. Doesn't make anyone right or wrong, just different, as in so many aspects of life.

Do what works for you, but never assume it's the way that works for everyone else.

I dunno, MC. I think it's important for careers or anything you've never had experience in to talk to successful people in that particular area, if you want to accomplish what they've accomplished.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I dunno, MC. I think it's important for careers or anything you've never had experience in to talk to successful people in that particular area, if you want to accomplish what they've accomplished.

I didn't say it isn't. What I said is don't expect to get the same advice from all those successful people, because people are different, and what works for someone might not work for someone else. There's not always one right answer, as evidence by the successfully married people in this thread who have disagreed with some of the advice you've talked about.

Gather all the opinions you want from all the successful people/couples you want, then make up your own mind about what bits of advice you've gotten might be helpful to you and what bits advice aren't so much.

[Mevara]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I agree with you, which is why (if you are single) to take advice from someone with more experience than you have. Like I said before that applies to pretty much everything in life. At least I think it does. I just don't think people should jump right into something as serious as marriage without getting advice from someone who's in a healthy marriage.

eta: I said it in the post you just quoted.

Yes but they are not the ones on here giving the advice... you are!

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I didn't say it isn't. What I said is don't expect to get the same advice from all those successful people, because people are different, and what works for someone might not work for someone else. There's not always one right answer, as evidence by the successfully married people in this thread who have disagreed with some of the advice you've talked about.

Gather all the opinions you want from all the successful people/couples you want, then make up your own mind about what bits of advice you've gotten might be helpful to you and what bits advice aren't so much.

<applause> Even what defines a "successful" marriage varies greatly. I see people who are VERY happy and think their marriages are successes, and they are, for them. I see fewer people who are in the kind of marriage that I would be happy in. Even when I get discouraged and think that everybody who is single at my age is just too damaged to have a successful relationship, I see a couple who gives me hope again...lol.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I never said it wasn't a bad idea. Like I said before, choose someone who agrees with you.

Actually, when people like cheerfulgreek make this about religious doctrine, it becomes about more than what works for you as a couple/family. The premise of bringing in religious doctrine is that you are doing what is pleasing in a religious sense. Within this context, if what is pleasing in a religious sense is subjective, what is the point of citing religious text? Is the religious text saying nothing more than to pray and talk to your spouse to determine the best outcome for you and yours? If so, then, okay. If that is not why religion was brought into the discussion and the "whatever works for you" is just said to avoid religious debate, womp womp.

The "whatever works for you" goes without saying but some posts in this thread on all sides of the issue have a tone that what works for us doesn't have to apply to everyone else...but if you're wise/religiously saved/smart/etc. you'll do it the way we're doing it. LOL.