Quote:
Originally Posted by AlphaFrog
I know I'm going to sound all fuddy-duddy bemoaning the downfall of today's society, but I can't help but think that issues like this make divorce more common. Not just the actual financial issues, but the fact that we have trained ourselves to CYA in regards to marriage. We go in with contingency plans and ready to bail if we feel it necessary. We make it easy because then if things don't work out, we can shrug our shoulders and move on. What would happen if people once again treated marriage of less of an experiment and more of a serious commitment? I feel that if you're seriously ready to make that kind of commitment to someone, you should be ready to tie yourselves irrevocably to that person. And this is coming from someone who many people would feel has had plenty of legitimate "excuses" to throw in the towel and not look back.
/soapbox sermon
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I used to think that way too, until I lost almost everything I had .. TWICE. My first husband was so controlling with money that I had an allowance that wasn't enough to cover my gas to get to work and home. I had no way to know he would be like that until we were married. We did what cheerfulgreek said and lived on one income, banking the other, supposedly. When I was getting ready to leave, I tried to take money out of our savings, found out there was only $3000 in there, when there should have been ten times that much AND he had never turned in the card that I signed so I wasn't on the account. I was scared to death because I was penniless without half that money (even thought it was only $3000). I needed that cash for a deposit on my apartment and the truck to move my stuff out. When he got home from work that day, I told him that I knew I wasn't on the savings and we were going the next day to put me on it or else I would leave him (which was really risky for me to do because he was getting increasingly violent). So he put my name on it and I left him with half that money.
Second marriage? He was GREAT with his money. He had saved enough for a down payment on our house, he always had money, was investing in retirement. Really managed it well. Of course, he was living at home, didn't have ANY bills at all. None. Not a single bill did he pay. Once we had a mortgage, a baby, day care costs, utility bills.. he still spent like he did when he had NO bills. And he spent ALL the cash using his debit card for everything so I'd have to charge groceries when the debit card was rejected at the grocery store. With the divorce, he got the house, I got the debt and we both lost ALL of our retirement.
I will NEVER EVER be without my own funds again. It simply won't happen, no matter how much I love him, how much I think I'd be with him forever, there is no way. NO WAY. Most divorced people pretty much feel the same way though, in my experience.
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