He, she or it? Family keeps baby's gender a secret

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by PiKA2001

Seems this experiment is flawed if the kids are thought to be girls, thereby probably treated as girls by society, no?

This is no more of a social experiment than parents who choose to discipline their children differently than they were disciplined as children.

With that said, no, the way they raised their child will not be flawed just because people think the children are girls and treat them as such. These parents aren't claiming that gender mysteriously disappears just because they don't reveal the child's gender. This child may be perfectly fine identifying as A GENDER but this family wants that to not be forced on the child before the child even establishes its own personality type. I absolutely hate gendered babyshowers and gendered babyrooms. There are other forms of socialization that children undergo and gender doesn't have to be one of them. That's fine if others like gender socialization but not everyone does.

ETA: Now, the "boy" in this story wants the parents to tell people that "he is a he." That could be the "boy" making his official statement about what "he" self-identifies as; or it could be the "boy" doing this out of societal pressure--and noticing that the boys are consistently treated better than girls are. Either way, the parents need to think about letting this "boy" make "his" decision to be identified as a "boy." That "boy" may still choose to have long hair and wear pink. I doubt that. "He" will probably stop wearing pink and cut "his" hair because "he" will want to be like society expects "him" to be.

Originally Posted by PiKA2001

To pretend as if gender doesn't exist when it does exist and is completely natural is just off.

Gender is not completely natural. Much of it is socially constructed because it is different from biological sex. That's the point. But, since you think it's natural, you can understand why simply teaching your sons that they can prefer dance and still be masculine (who's to say that sons have to want to be masculine?) is not enough.

Originally Posted by BluPhire

To me this is partly the parents using their child to make a statement, I have no problem if you use yourself, you have control over yourself and your actions.

Not when you force your views on others.

All parents use their children to make statements. It's simply a matter of which statements they are making.

ETA: Regardless of the statement that the parents are making, I really hope these children aren't emotionally and mentally harmed by any of this. Children are mentally and emotionally negatively (and positively) impacted by gender everyday.

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I agree. The existence of gender is not the issue. The issue = socialization/stereotyping based on that.

Gender wouldn't exist if it wasn't for socialization and stereotyping. It's the cliche` "chicken or the egg" thing.

I agree that that doesn't mean that the existence of gender is a "problem" just as other categorical distinctions aren't inherently "problems." But, there are plenty of people who find it problematic for various reasons.