Engaged Encounter

[KSUViolet06]

I highly recommend some sort of pre-marital counseling (church-based or otherwise).

Many times, folks think that pre-marital counseling is only for couples with "issues."

It gives you a chance to talk through things with a professional just being there to facilitate that communication. Sometimes, the professional brings up things (not necessarily bad things) that some couples surprisingly never think to talk about before marriage.

My mentor does alot of pre-marital counseling. As a counseling professional, we've talked about this kind of stuff before.

Some of the important topics he asks about about are basic things like "how do you plan to handle your money/finances?" (and he talks about different ways couples have done that). Many of his clients never actually talked about it (a lot of people IGNORE money), and just assumed that the other would "take care of it."

Even little stuff like the housework. There were times when couples had never lived together, so they had never talked about their expectations for the housework and keeping the house clean. Sometimes, Person A assumed "oh we'll just split it" whereas Person B assumed "oh she/he should take care of that since he/she works less" or whatever.

There are some more serious topics like the section on trust/fidelity where he talks to couples about how they might handle one of them having an affair or something. He says you'd be really surprised how many couples say "oh, but we're so in love, that would NEVER happen to us."

Or the "kids/no kids" thing. Some clients didn't agree on kids/no kids/1 or 2/whatever. Pre-marital counseling is a good place to sort that out.

You'd think that everyone who was getting married would've brought this stuff up before, but you'd be surprised at the things people think "aren't a big deal."

It's just good to have actually talked about that stuff beforehand, and a professional can help you do that (and bring some things to your attention that you never thought about).