Engaged Encounter

[ADqtPiMel]

I despised Engaged Encounter -- we had to do it because we got married in the Catholic church. It's actually a big part of why I'm not a practicing Catholic anymore. Ours was very very heavy on the preaching -- we literally got locked away in a closet with one of the couples running the show, and they spent an hour trying to convince us that living together was going to completely ruin our relationship (and at that point, we'd already lived together about a year -- no way we were finding the money at age 23 to finance two separate apartments in DC, even if we wanted to). There was a whole afternoon session about how birth control is awful, and snide pointed comments at a few couples in the room (us included) who they knew lived together and used BC. It was humiliating and I was really angry for a long time after.

I am way in favor of premarital counseling (our sessions with my parish priest were helpful), and I'm glad EE worked for some couples, but I can't recommend it to anyone except the strictest practicing Catholics.

[southbymidwest]

Originally Posted by ADqtPiMel

I despised Engaged Encounter -- we had to do it because we got married in the Catholic church. It's actually a big part of why I'm not a practicing Catholic anymore. Ours was very very heavy on the preaching -- we literally got locked away in a closet with one of the couples running the show, and they spent an hour trying to convince us that living together was going to completely ruin our relationship (and at that point, we'd already lived together about a year -- no way we were finding the money at age 23 to finance two separate apartments in DC, even if we wanted to). There was a whole afternoon session about how birth control is awful, and snide pointed comments at a few couples in the room (us included) who they knew lived together and used BC. It was humiliating and I was really angry for a long time after.

I am way in favor of premarital counseling (our sessions with my parish priest were helpful), and I'm glad EE worked for some couples, but I can't recommend it to anyone except the strictest practicing Catholics.

Wow, I would have been very unhappy if I had been at this EE. I am a pretty liberal Catholic, and don't particularly agree with some teachings. I think, like anything else, it is the luck of the draw. The couple who presided over our weekend were grandparents, had been through a lot during their married life, and were pretty realistic and non-dogmatic. Their focus was on the couples, and supporting good communication, especially the difficult stuff. Birth control talk was for maybe 15 minutes. Pretty cut and dried-this is the Church's position and this is why. They told us that ultimately, it was up to us. The priest was a Jesuit professor at Fordham who was really interesting to listen to and talk to. I guess we just really lucked out.

[PeppyGPhiB]

Originally Posted by ADqtPiMel

I despised Engaged Encounter -- we had to do it because we got married in the Catholic church. It's actually a big part of why I'm not a practicing Catholic anymore. Ours was very very heavy on the preaching -- we literally got locked away in a closet with one of the couples running the show, and they spent an hour trying to convince us that living together was going to completely ruin our relationship (and at that point, we'd already lived together about a year -- no way we were finding the money at age 23 to finance two separate apartments in DC, even if we wanted to). There was a whole afternoon session about how birth control is awful, and snide pointed comments at a few couples in the room (us included) who they knew lived together and used BC. It was humiliating and I was really angry for a long time after.

I am way in favor of premarital counseling (our sessions with my parish priest were helpful), and I'm glad EE worked for some couples, but I can't recommend it to anyone except the strictest practicing Catholics.

WOW, that is a completely different experience from ours, and the first time I've heard that from anyone who's gone through EE. I'd say 75% of the couples in our weekend live together, and most were age 30+. There was not one single talk about the Catholic Church, and there wasn't even a talk about birth control at all. Natural Family Planning got about two minutes of time in one of the talks because one of the couples is just starting it and they were talking about how interesting they thought it was. But other than that, the only talk of religion was between us couples when they sent us off to talk privately about what we wanted for our family in the way of religion/spirituality, and on Sunday when we had a 45-minute Mass. Sorry you had such a bad experience with it, but it definitely sounds like the exception.

ETA: One of the couples in our group even told everyone (as part of their introduction) that they "did things backwards accidentally" and had their daughter a couple of years ago and now they're getting married. The hosts laughed with the rest of us and said basically, "Sometimes that's the way things happen!"

ETAA: Our EE weekend also did not have a priest for a host, just the older couple and younger couple. According to the hosts, the priests who attend EE weekends do so on a voluntary basis, and sometimes they can't find one to do some weekends. I think it was better for us, because neither of us is Catholic. The priest just showed up for Mass, and he was a hilarious old retired priest from Ireland, who wanted to hold Mass at 10 am instead of noon because he wanted to watch the World Cup final.

[sceniczip]

^^^My church's priest is this elderly Irish guy and he's hilarious. Each week he has a list of people to thank and then always goes "And finally, I'd like to thank myself for being here" It's a smallish parish and he's our only priest. I loff him and hope he lives long enough to be the priest at my wedding.

When my parents did pre-cana eons ago (at least 25 years) they talked to a priest who basically told them to use whatever birth control they wanted. Not in that many words, but that was the general gist of it.

BF's parents help with a pre-cana weekend at least once a year. I'm nervous to go through it when I get married but really want to get married in the catholic church.