Please Help! I just have questions...

[FSUZeta]

you listed zbz first on your bid card. if they had listed you on their bid list, you would be a zbz now. because you heard they snap bidded people, meaning they had not reached quota, and they had spaces to fill, they undoubtedly did not think you would be a good fit for their chapter. it is unlikely that that will change next year.

your 2nd choice did want you-that's how you ended up with their bid. get to know them better and give them a chance. you can depledge the day of your initiation(before the ceremony) if you decide you need to, with no more consequences than if you quit today, but before you do, do yourself a favor and ask yourself if it is better to not be greek if you cannot be a zbz?

[VandalSquirrel]

I think you might slightly be sabotaging yourself with a self fulfilling prophecy, and not giving the sorority that wanted you as a sister a fair chance. Sure other women are OMFG TRI PI 'TIL I DIE but stop basing your expectations on how others are reacting and realize there isn't any magic kool aid passed around to feel this way. You can spend your time pining away for ZBZ (which you didn't get a bid to, for whatever reason, sometimes it just happens) or you can take that energy and use it on giving Tri Pi a chance.

What do you have to lose by accepting reality and not fantasy?

[Zillini]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

you listed zbz first on your bid card. if they had listed you on their bid list, you would be a zbz now. because you heard they snap bidded people, meaning they had not reached quota, and they had spaces to fill, they undoubtedly did not think you would be a good fit for their chapter. it is unlikely that that will change next year.

Actually if the OP put ZBZ #1 and ZBZ didn't make quota, the OP would have gotten a bid. Panhellenic wouldn't have gone to the OP's #2 choice until the #1 had reached quota. I suspect ZBZ snapped because some PNMs declined their bids. That or they weren't technically snap bids, but rather COR bids issued shortly after Bid Day because ZBZ was still below Total.

Regardless, OP you just weren't high enough on the ZBZ list to get a bid. That means they didn't want you as much as they wanted other PNMs. So even if the 1 year rule wasn't in place or if you suicided ZBZ, there is a lot of doubt that you would have gotten a bid from ZBZ anyways. I'm not trying to be hurtful or mean, that's just the reality of the situation.

You got a bid from girls that like and want you. I find it sad that you are willing to throw that away after only a week. From what you posted, your only real issue is that everyone else is "rah, rah, yeah Tri Pi!" and you're not. It's natural for you to feel let down, but I strongly suggest you give them more of a chance before making this major decision. By that I mean give them a real chance. Go hang out and get to know the sisters. Don't just show up when you have to for a meeting.

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by Zillini

Actually if the OP put ZBZ #1 and ZBZ didn't make quota, the OP would have gotten a bid. Panhellenic wouldn't have gone to the OP's #2 choice until the #1 had reached quota. I suspect ZBZ snapped because some PNMs declined their bids. That or they weren't technically snap bids, but rather COR bids issued shortly after Bid Day because ZBZ was still below Total.

Regardless, OP you just weren't high enough on the ZBZ list to get a bid. That means they didn't want you as much as they wanted other PNMs. So even if the 1 year rule wasn't in place or if you suicided ZBZ, there is a lot of doubt that you would have gotten a bid from ZBZ anyways. I'm not trying to be hurtful or mean, that's just the reality of the situation.

You got a bid from girls that like and want you. I find it sad that you are willing to throw that away after only a week. From what you posted, your only real issue is that everyone else is "rah, rah, yeah Tri Pi!" and you're not. It's natural for you to feel let down, but I strongly suggest you give them more of a chance before making this major decision. By that I mean give them a real chance. Go hang out and get to know the sisters. Don't just show up when you have to for a meeting.

this!! too many girls only show up for mandatory things and then can't understand why they aren't feeling it.

zillini, thanks for clarifying my statement. i did not say it as well as you did.

[vanityfair5]

To reply to a lot of the questions on here:

I DID Pref at ZBZ. Tri Pi was my 5th choice initially, but after my other 3 choices got knocked off my call-back list, they became number 2. There WAS something I liked in the girls, but only enough to put them at number 5. They were nice and friendly, the kind of girl I could sit next to in class and chat with, but NOT the kind of girl I would try to hang out with outside of class. They really are great, I don't dislike them, but I just don't fit in. For a lot of reasons: they all wore Ugg boots when I wore heels to a meeting; I did my hair and wore tons of jewelry for Bid Day and none of them did; a lot of the girls came in already friends and now have their "groups"; they are all petite brunettes and I'm taller and have blonde hair; some of the older girls were making fun of sororities my other friends are in. Just a lot of reasons I don't fit. Some are superficial, YES, but that doesn't mean they don't feel like real reasons to me!

For whatever reason, I just don't feel the click. Some people can force it on themselves, and others can wait till they find it. But for me, I have felt it almost instantly with EVERY friend I have. There is no friend I have now that I haven't felt a connection with right away. So I think that says a lot...

Would it be so bad if I just dropped out now, for mostly personal reasons, and tried again next year? Not gunning for ZBZ, but looking at ALL sororities at my school. There are 14.

What would YOU do??????

[vanityfair5]

Oh and I've been attending non-mandatory events I have gone to two regular socials, one sister social, spent the night at an older girls house, and gone to 2 Tri Pi pregame/ parties.

[ADPiTigergurl]

Originally Posted by vanityfair5

Oh and I've been attending non-mandatory events I have gone to two regular socials, one sister social, spent the night at an older girls house, and gone to 2 Tri Pi pregame/ parties.

ok so this is random and i know everyone says the Greek community is over programmed but have they really held 3 socials and 2 parties in a week? That just seems really extreme to me...

[Xylochick216]

Like others have said, the connection won't always be instant. I remember being so overwhelmed during my new member period and trying to get to know so many people. I didn't actually get to know many of them very well during my new member period. I studied abroad the next semester, and when I came back, I was thrown right into recruitment. Sisters I didn't know because my closest friends, and they're the ones who are my best friends today.

Also, I wouldn't worry about them having different fashion than you. Having someone who is a little different from the majority is always a good thing. I'm sure there are more people who share your tastes than you realize.

Bottom line: It's hard to genuinely get to know women in a short period of time in a setting that may be outside of your comfort zone. But you get out of it what you put in. Going through recruitment as an upperclassman can be difficult and could hinder you from being Greek at all. Think about that before you make any decisions. If you won't be happy at all, then by all means depledge. Just remember: as Zillini said, if Tri Pi hadn't made quota, then you would have been on their bid list because you listed them first.

[AOEforme]

Originally Posted by vanityfair5

Oh and I've been attending non-mandatory events I have gone to two regular socials, one sister social, spent the night at an older girls house, and gone to 2 Tri Pi pregame/ parties.

That's good, but how have you been attending non-mandatory events? Have you gone to every event judging the girls' clothes and thinking "OMGZ- ZBZ would NEVER have a {insert theme here} social!". Or, have you gone to every event thinking "Hey, I'll give these girls an honest chance."

Because if it's the former, no wonder you haven't felt a connection! (A) You are radiating an I-don't-want-to-be-here personality. No one will befriend or even reach out to that person and (B) you've gone in with a mindset set in stone.

TRY. Don't just go to events but TRY. Invite a sister who admires your cute heels or jewlery to go shopping with you. Go out for lunch with someone who is in your class. TRY.

Finally, a lame non-GLO-based analogy:

I have to take Analytical Chemistry to graduate with a degree in my second major. I hate Analytical Chemistry, with a bloody, bloody passion. I could drop out of Analytical Chemistry, because I can graduate with one degree, go to Medical School, and be happy.

But I really want that second degree: I feel like it contributes a lot to my undergraduate experience. So, I'm stuck in a class I hate 5 days a week, at 7:45 on three of those days.

So, I've been trying to find pieces of it I enjoy. And, I'm finding (much to my surprise) that I like Analytical Chemistry. I don't really mind waking up early anymore and I'm enjoying the class, after I tried really (REALLY) hard to like it.

Yes, there are parts of it that perpetually suck. But, I'll find that in any class I take.
----------------------------------
ZBZ (I'm 100% positive on it) has parts you would dislike, maybe more than you know. Try and find things in Tri-Pi you enjoy; I'm positive you'll end up finding at least a few things you like!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by vanityfair5

To reply to a lot of the questions on here:

I DID Pref at ZBZ. Tri Pi was my 5th choice initially, but after my other 3 choices got knocked off my call-back list, they became number 2. There WAS something I liked in the girls, but only enough to put them at number 5. They were nice and friendly, the kind of girl I could sit next to in class and chat with, but NOT the kind of girl I would try to hang out with outside of class. They really are great, I don't dislike them, but I just don't fit in. For a lot of reasons: they all wore Ugg boots when I wore heels to a meeting; I did my hair and wore tons of jewelry for Bid Day and none of them did; a lot of the girls came in already friends and now have their "groups"; they are all petite brunettes and I'm taller and have blonde hair; some of the older girls were making fun of sororities my other friends are in. Just a lot of reasons I don't fit. Some are superficial, YES, but that doesn't mean they don't feel like real reasons to me!

For whatever reason, I just don't feel the click. Some people can force it on themselves, and others can wait till they find it. But for me, I have felt it almost instantly with EVERY friend I have. There is no friend I have now that /I haven't felt a connection with right away. So I think that says a lot...

Would it be so bad if I just dropped out now, for mostly personal reasons, and tried again next year? Not gunning for ZBZ, but looking at ALL sororities at my school. There are 14.

What would YOU do??????

Re the bolded, come back here in 20 years and tell us how many of these friends are still in your life.

If they're making fun of sororities your friends are in, SPEAK UP and tell them it bothers you. You will be respected for it. (Although I think there's a certain amount of goofing on other groups in every sorority behind closed doors - just to release the tension of dealing with each other all the time. The problem comes when it gets out in the open or when there's real anger towards others involved.)

Re the fashion thing...part of the reason they probably liked you is BECAUSE you dress differently from them. Beware, beware, beware of "clone sororities." This group is confident enough in themselves to invite someone who's different. My guess is you'll be lauded for that, not criticized like you might be in another group for wearing the "wrong" shoes.

As far as rushing again double ditto everything ADPiTigergurl said. Your situation in rush will get worse, not better. If you truly want to be Greek, take this shot and make it work, and stop looking at the outside. If you have a temporary sponsor, talk to her. She might be able to give you a better handle on things.

[AOII Angel]

It sounds to me like you have your mind made up. What are you waiting for? Someone to come on here and tell you that everyone has been wrong and yes, you can pledge another chapter? Sorry...you're stuck for the year! I'll tell you what I told one of my chapter sisters who was a double legacy to another chapter on campus and didn't get a bid to that chapter. She was UNDERSTANDABLY upset when she came to our bid day party. SUCK IT UP! This may be your only chance at a greek experience. Crying and wishing you could be in the other chapter will get you nowhere. Ten years down the road you'll really be wondering "what if" but it'll be "what if I'd really given Tri-Pi a chance?" You won't make connections, feel included or be comfortable if you don't WANT to.