Truth and your relationship

[DaemonSeid]

...would anyone ever consider having a background check on someone and if so under what circumstances?

[Ch2tf]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

...would anyone ever consider having a background check on someone and if so under what circumstances?

Nope. I say so because if I feel the need to go to the lenghts of a background check, then I feel said person isn't being honest with me. And there are other ways to address that before seeking a background check. If I feel unsatisfied with being upfront/honest about needing/wanting to know more information or if I feel like I am being lied to, then its time for me to reconsider the relationship.

[I.A.S.K.]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

...would anyone ever consider having a background check on someone and if so under what circumstances?

Definitely! I'd run the whole battery of tests. Background, Credit, STD, etc. before I married any man. I wouldn't do it secretly. I'd let him know what I intend to do and why I intend to do it. If he's uncomfortable and/or can't understand why its necessary then he's not meant to be married to me. Would you merge your Fortune 500 company with a company that you haven't thoroughly vetted? No. So, why would you merge your life with someone who you haven't fully vetted? This insn't one sided either. I would submit to all of the tests as well. They would not be optional for either of us. He needs to know as do I. There may be some things that you want to keep in the past, but if its big enough to show up on a background or credit check then it probably needs to be known.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

...would anyone ever consider having a background check on someone and if so under what circumstances?

No. It's just that background checks don't really show what makes or breaks the relationship. At least it doesn't for me. I dunno, I guess the things I look for are based on his personality.

[33girl]

If I met someone on the internet, I'd be background checking him before I even met him. I've learned from others' mistakes. I'm talking a guy who lives far away, not someone who I happened to meet online who lives in the next neighborhood over.

[Little32]

I prefer honesty, upfront and always. This doesn't mean that he has to tell me everything about himself on the first date, but if I ask him a question I want an honest answer.

As a relationship unfolds, the nature of the questions change. For me, I have certain questions that I ask and need to have answered before the relationship progresses to the next stage (but not necessarily before, unless it just happens to come up). I hope for and expect complete honesty when he is answering those questions and I reciprocate with total honesty.

I know of one instant where something about me has definitely damaged the relationship, but that has not stopped me from being honest about that aspect of my life in subsequent relationships. It's nothing that I have to be ashamed of, it was just that dude had a particular hang up.

I have never had to think about a background check. I have never gotten to the stage that would require one of those.

[Xanthus]

Originally Posted by 33girl

If I met someone on the internet, I'd be background checking him before I even met him. I've learned from others' mistakes. I'm talking a guy who lives far away, not someone who I happened to meet online who lives in the next neighborhood over.

If you never met him, how would you know who to look up? He'd be pretty stupid to give up all of his info to a chick he never met.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

...would anyone ever consider having a background check on someone and if so under what circumstances?

Nope, that's not necessary. I just generally look at her family background. I listen to see how much she talks about her dad and the things she says about him, and how close she is to him. How she treats him is generally how she'll treat me. I look at how she treats both of her parents, and how her parents treat each other. How close she is to her siblings (if she has any). Her family background (how she treats her mother and father) is enough of a "background check" for me. It's all about her upbringing.