Room for Individual Growth? - Page 2

OPhiAGinger · #1 03-21-2009, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FunGirl123

I guess the problem I am having right now is that your sisters should accept you, no matter what.... And when I was talking about frat parties, ... I meant, for example, there are times when I am tired, and don’t end up socializing as much as I can, and some of my ‘sisters’ penalize me for that, saying that I was not representing the sorority well.

Are you required to attend all parties or do you have the option to decline one every now and then, like when you are not feeling 100% or are stressed about something? And is your penalty something tangible (like a fine) or more like a scolding? Just wondering whether the punishment is in balance with the infraction.

On the surface it may seem silly for your chapter to expect you to be "on" at every fraternity mixer. However, I'm sure you realize that when you attend a party with another group and sit there like a bump on the log, your behavior could have an unintended impact on your sisters. Once the fraternities get the perception that the sisters of XYZ sorority are no fun to mix with, your invitations will dry up. That could even impact your recruitment in the years to come, starting a spiral that's hard to control.

I'm going to buck the trend of people telling you to deactivate. Instead, I encourage you to run for a leadership position within the chapter. I think being a leader will give you a whole different perspective, as you start to see how tightly interwoven the individual behaviors of the members are, and the impact they have on the long-term health of the whole chapter. In the meantime, you might suggest that the chapter exec board give each sister one get-out-of-party-free pass to use when they know they won't be in the right mindset, maybe one per year. It's better for someone not to be there at all than to be there and embarrass her sisters by her non-social behavior. Just don't abuse it!

33girl · #2 03-25-2009, 01:41 PM

If the standard attire on your campus is sweats and you have to wear a business suit for meetings, I can see where that would stick in your craw. FWIW we never dressed up for meetings either, but considering they were held on Sunday night it was a miracle we crawled out of bed, period.

If you like dressing up otherwise but it's the fact that the sorority is telling you to do it that's annoying you, sorority life just might not be for you. Depending on the chapter, things can either be laid back or very rigid. Yours sounds like it's on the rigid end of the scale.

KSUViolet06 · #3 03-19-2009, 09:18 PM

I'm not trying to be rude, but I don't get the point of posting all this about your sorority. It seems as if you're looking for people to agree with and validate your point of view, and they're not.

If you feel as though bring in a sorority jeopardizes your indviduality and you have all of those issues with how people are treating you, then you need to just terminate your membership and leave.

Simple as that. Being in a sorority is just not something that's for you.

FunGirl123 · #4 03-19-2009, 09:52 PM

I am not expecting anyone to agree with me. I just wanted to see if anyone has ever felt similar feelings. Just the whole process is making me feel like I'm some little girl that needs to be taken care of.

and to just to clarify again : I do not mind looking presentable in a BUSINESS setting. but not when im at school with my friends/sisters.

knight_shadow · #5 03-19-2009, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FunGirl123

and to just to clarify again : I do not mind looking presentable in a BUSINESS setting. but not when im at school with my friends/sisters.

Chapter meeting = business meeting

MysticCat · #6 03-19-2009, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FunGirl123

and to just to clarify again : I do not mind looking presentable in a BUSINESS setting. but not when im at school with my friends/sisters.

Just an FYI -- this reads to me like "I don't mind showing respect in a business setting by dressing appropriately, but I don't want to have to show respect to my sisters/friends/sorority/a fraternity hosting a party at which I am a guest."

If you were always having to dress up, I could see your point, but the only examples you've given are chapter meetings and parties at which you are a guest -- two occassions when it is not at all unreasonable to expect people to dress appropriately. How does all of this make you feel like your sisters are demanding that you be perfect, or to use your first phrase, how is it keeping you from growing as an individual? I'm just not getting it.

Senusret I · #7 03-19-2009, 10:01 PM

Yeah, I've worn jeans to chapter meeting and dared somebody to say anything about it.

They never did.

<----- a beast.

Elephant Walk · #8 03-19-2009, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Senusret I

Yeah, I've worn jeans to chapter meeting and dared somebody to say anything about it.

They never did.

<----- a beast.

Cool aaaaand tough.

Impressive.

oncegreek · #9 03-19-2009, 10:40 PM

Being in a sorority DOES require following certain rules. I can understand how you feel about dressing up for meetings, and I understand chafing at rules. Perhaps sorority life is not for you.. if not, do yourself, and your chapter a favor, and deactivate.

LadyLonghorn · #10 03-20-2009, 02:44 AM

So basically you find it's important to dress up and impress strangers but are unwilling to show the same respect to the sisters you love?

gee_ess · #11 03-20-2009, 09:14 AM

If the comments and judgments from sisters are typical - i.e. your example of someone being told to suck in her stomach, and they happen often, then, you might express your concerns to your standards officer...BUT, make sure you are clearly complaining about something like the stomach comment and not about dressing appropriately for chapter or being told to better represent your group when in a social setting.

As mentioned in earlier posts, sorority responsibilities are a good training ground for the real world. There are societal and corporate rules for the big world - You cannot just "be who you are and throw caution to the wind" in the adult world. It does not work like that...so consider these restrictions a practice round.

You can't always have everything on your terms...You can't be a hard worker and support your group, but stop short of cooperating 100%.

Kansas City · #12 03-20-2009, 09:16 AM

Being tired or living off campus shouldn't be an excuse for not dressing appropriately in any situation. Understanding that expectations of “proper dress” may differ across the country, I’m sure that you could find something that is both appropriate and comfortable to wear on the particularly long days when you just don’t feel like it. Being part of a group means playing by their rules. I’m just sorry that you feel you cannot express your individuality in a way that appropriately matches those rules.

As far as the stomach comments, are these only an issue when people are dressing up or do they occur in everyday situations (classes, library, etc.)? I can't seem to draw the line between the two points you are trying to make.

violetpretty · #13 03-21-2009, 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kansas City

Being tired or living off campus shouldn't be an excuse for not dressing appropriately in any situation. Understanding that expectations of “proper dress” may differ across the country, I’m sure that you could find something that is both appropriate and comfortable to wear on the particularly long days when you just don’t feel like it.

My chapter wasn't required to dress up on Mondays when we had formal meeting, but we were on a point system and we could earn a point for wearing badge attire all day instead of just to meeting. If dressing up all day is optional, why not wear comfy clothes to class and put your badge atttire in your bag if you have to go straight from class to meeting?

VandalSquirrel · #14 03-21-2009, 02:42 PM

The misuse of Intellectual Freedom made me giggle a few days ago, and still now.

ASTalumna06 · #15 03-20-2009, 05:02 PM

And is it just me, or did anyone else feel "special" when they were dressed up on campus? Now, in the business world, I don't really get the same feeling about it because I do it every day. But when in college, if I was dressed up for the entire day, I always got questions from my non-Greek friends, and even from some people in class.

Actually, that was one way that I got a student interested in Greek life. She was a friend of a friend, and when I sat with them at lunch, my friend asked, "A sorority event today?" When I said yes, her friend asked, sounding pleasantly surprised, "You dress up for sorority events?" I started talking to her about it, and she joined the chapter the next semester.

It's amazing what looking good can do for you.