Quote:
Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam
Once again, EE-BO for the win!
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Thank you for the vote of confidence. I just hope I got it right. Very hard to offer personal advice online, but this story really moved me.
RealTreasure, I may as well go ahead and tell you why your story really moved me to reply.
Three quick very true stories if I may- one a distant relative and the other two personal/family friends,
1. Woman marries man she loves. He is a control freak, but also not prone to keeping a steady job. 10 years later she divorces him. He disappears leaving her with 2 children- one with severe special needs- and over $100K in unsecured consumer debt. Despite medical advice that she put her special needs child in an institution, she keeps him at home and to this day I do not know how she managed that AND worked. But she did. And that child is better off today than he would have been, and she has survived. But she is nearing retirement and has no home and no solid assets. She still loves him, but she learned the hard way what he really cared about.
2. Woman marries man she loves. He is a control freak. They have a pretty good life with financial stability, but as they have aged his controlling attitude has gotten worse. She loves him and their marriage does work for the most part, but she has to ask his permission to leave the house- even just to go to the grocery store. And every so often she confides in friends just how much she hates that even though she does love her husband and he really does love her (I mean that seriously- they are devoted to each other, but his controlling nature has really stunted her life.)
3. Woman marries man she loves. He is a control freak. She came from a small town and married a small town man out of high school. She has never held a job in her life. One of their children was a special needs child and her husband decided the kid would live at home his whole life, plus they never took any steps to educate themselves on how to handle him and help him develop. Today, that child is in his 30s, spoiled rotten and physically very large. Husband goes off all day and she is left to fend for herself against a 250 pound person with the brain of a 4 year old. She is regularly physically hurt when he has tantrums. Minor injuries yes- but still! There is nothing she can do. She has no education. She lives in the middle of nowhere and has little contact with the outside world. She is trapped for the rest of her life, and she is so completely introverted that noone knows how she really feels or what goes through her mind all day.
Granted these are extreme cases, but this is a taste of what can happen when you marry a control freak. And come to think of it- these are not all that extreme. I know these couples well enough to know the husbands are not physically abusive to the wives, provide for their basic needs (except in case #1), and in many ways show affection for them.
But still, what a mess these women ended up in.
Final thought- When God created the world and sexual desire, he did not have sororities, credit card debt and retirement plans in mind.
It is okay to love someone and realize that how they treat you could put you at such a disadvantage in functioning in today's world that you cannot take a chance.
Are you a Suze Orman fan? Do a google on her- I imagine suzeorman.com would be her website. She talks a lot about relationships and control and how they interact with the very real financial implications that can seal a person's fate. I would suggest reading through some of her material. It could be helpful.
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