What defines a helicopter parent?

[pbear19]

I would say a defining characteristic is a parent who does things for their child that their child could easily do themselves. Not because the child needs them to, sometimes not even because the child wants them to. But because the parent wants to. If the child is capable of handling a matter on their own, they should do so.

I remember many a time when I was a teenager that my life would have been simpler (and lazier?) if my parents had completed a task for me. They never let me off that easy, I always had to handle my own business.

Examples - parents researching colleges and narrowing down the choices/making the choice, researching greek life, calling an employer to arrange an interview, following up with an employer to find out why the child wasn't hired, etc. Some things are ok to do on your own, potentially, if you are really curious. But make the kid do the legwork themselves. If you want to research colleges to know what your kid is getting themselves into, then do it behind the scenes, so you can ask appropriate questions. Don't do all the research and then present the findings so the child doesn't have to it themselves.

(Disclaimer that I was raised to be very independent and always made my own decisions, so in some ways it's hard for me to empathize with the reasons another person wouldn't be capable of making their own decisions.)

[Dionysus]

My parents are totally helicopter parents, and I knew this way before society created a name for it.

Here's some examples:
-Didn't want me to move out when I was younger, because they were scared that any roomates I had would take advantage of me...or if I lived alone, I would become a target for sexual assault from some perv.
-I recieve texts and/or phone calls from my mother several times a day when I go on road trips, it gets worse at night. She also tried to talk me out of driving on the last road trip, because it was my first time driving over 3 hours from home. Mind you, I'm closer to 30 than 20.
-I often conceal the location of my weekend plans, if they are downtown or near by...because my father would want to drop me off. He believes "the streets" will chew me up and spit me out.
-My mother is a college instructor, her students range anywhere from 18-35, in other words many of her students are my age or close. She sees this as an opportunity for her to pick potential boyfriends and female platonic friends for me. It was cool when I first began undergrad at my own college and didn't know anyone, but it didn't stop after I found friends. I believe she thinks she's a better judge of character or something.

The underlying reason for their behavior is that they believe that I am an innocent naive fragile little flower that needs their protection from the nasty nasty world. It doesn't help that my grandmother was very overprotective of my mother, when she was growing up, in fact it was a lot worse. I think my mother is imitating my grandmother's behavior to a degree. As for my father, he found himself in a lot of trouble when he was my age and a little younger, and he is scared that I'll follow in his footsteps.

I think my folks' concerns are legitimate, but I am grown and I believe I have good enough judegment to keep myself out of most unpleasant situations. I do engage in mild risk-taking behavior, but who doesn't in their 20s? Most people live to tell about it and most of us know our limitations. Life is about taking risks, hell, doing nothing and playing it too safe is taking a risk...because you can miss out on great opportunities.