Dear Jerome (thats my car's name):
You and I have been together for a long time, since Christmas morning 1996. You have survived one serious-ish crash, two fender benders, a battery replacement and a blown timing belt *the original*. So why do you choose to now show out AGAIN by flashing your "service engine now" sign? I KNOW you need a fuel injection service, but, unless you start popping out some money through the AC vents, really, you can stop that mess ASAP, please. Lord knows I love you and thank you for all the safe trips to and fro over the years, but if'n that light don't go off, I will hurt something. You know I don't like it when the service lights come on, it makes me nervous. Tell the fuel injection system to get it together and stop sending the signal to that light to come on. I am aware of the problem, thanks. Now go off.
your driver,
me
ps: I will clean you out this weekend.
Dear 10 year old daughter of mine,
I am glad and thankful you made it to ten. You are becoming a beautiful young lady. However, if you keep up like you've been doing the past two weeks, you will NOT make it to 11, nevermind ten and a half.
I will need for you to straighten up with the quickness, you hear me? I have NO problem cancelling all our plans for June if you keep this mess up, you can sit at the house and watch a cable-less, fuzzy TV for one hour a week *yes, a week* and do all the homework I give you, or you can get it together and we can have some fun. Its your choice. I love you no matter what, but I KNOW you know better than what you have been doing.
All my love,
Mommy, aka The Enforcer
ps: and I will bring reinforcements if necessary. Dont test me, little girl.
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