LB's/Dating/Frat Hoes

[AKA_Monet]

You know gentlemen, the same thing can be said from a woman's perspective, except as "collegiate society" would have it, the comments are perceived harsher coming from fraternity men...

What I mean is, should not the decision to "get with" a man be solely the woman's even if it is just physical? And that attraction is purely one of "experimentation"? Most young ladies haven't a clue on how to have a relationship nor be in one until their 30's, much less their 40's.

Moreover, the point is "lasciviousness" or "polyamorous". An astute woman would know how to play on that on pubescent young men. But a woman mindful of her sexual wiles and be discrete in regards as to how to best express them. If she choses to beguile her seduction, he or she will know it and would choose not to share...

Most young ladies really probably enjoy male friendship that happens to go too far and gets out of control. Some young ladies allow themselves to become doormats to these gentlemen. Yet, some young women delude themselves into believing that they are actually in love with the fraternity lifestyle. Lastly, some young women just do not know any better.

How does a man uplift a hurt sistah without context? Consistency in response. Support for primary goals in college--to graduate and obtain a career. So many of our young women are broken. You see them on Oprah, Springer and Maury. You see the very complaints made here on GC somewhere. Rarely do you see supportive statements made for one another.

Have we bought this "battle of sexes" lock, stock and barrel?

I refuse to think those things anymore... As a womanist, I cannot. Men have hurt and are hurting, just as much as women. Which makes this problem a lack of the Spirit...

Love one another... Put a little love in your heart... God is Love... There is Love in the rain--God resides there...

Gentlemen, I watch ESPN Sportcenter because my husband loves it... The news gets deferred when it is on. Yes, I know who Chris, Lee and Kirk are...

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Most young ladies haven't a clue on how to have a relationship nor be in one until their 30's, much less their 40's.

That's a cop out, and a poor excuse that a lot of women use. This is what they say: "I was out there back in the day when I was young. I felt I was too young to get in a serious relationship." blah blah blah.

Hell, when I was in undergrad, I was young too and always wanted to be with only ONE woman. I'm still that way, and I'll always be that way. I can't stand it when a woman says that same ol' lame a$$ bullisht about her being too young for a serious relationship. By the time she's in her 30s and 40s, more than likely she's been used up and screwed by a bunch of trifling a$$ bad boys. Who wants a woman like that? I sure as hell don't. When they're young they don't want the nice guy. They want that bad boy thuggish idiot who doesn't give a rat's a$$ about her. Then when she realizes her biological clock is ticking away, and that those bone head thugs aren't about anything, now she wants a decent man. Please. I refuse to go behind a thug.

I joined a social fraternity to enhance my social skills because I've always been a shy person. I'm still quite shy, but I have improved. I had several opportunities to sleep with fraternity groupies, but I turned them all down because I wanted a traditional good woman. I don't have any remorse for hoes whatsoever. They're not ladies in my book. Just because she's older and more mature now, still doesn't make a difference to me. She may have hoed around in her younger days and now may have changed, but I still wouldn't get involved with her. To me, SHE'S BEEN USED UP.

I noticed the OP meets jokers at night clubs. If I had a street sweeper, the night clubs would be the 1st place I would go to start sweeping up the trash.

[BlackAdam06]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

That's a cop out, and a poor excuse that a lot of women use. This is what they say: "I was out there back in the day when I was young. I felt I was too young to get in a serious relationship." blah blah blah.

Hell, when I was in undergrad, I was young too and always wanted to be with only ONE woman. I'm still that way, and I'll always be that way. I can't stand it when a woman says that same ol' lame a$$ bullisht about her being too young for a serious relationship. By the time she's in her 30s and 40s, more than likely she's been used up and screwed by a bunch of trifling a$$ bad boys. Who wants a woman like that? I sure as hell don't. When they're young they don't want the nice guy. They want that bad boy thuggish idiot who doesn't give a rat's a$$ about her. Then when she realizes her biological clock is ticking away, and that those bone head thugs aren't about anything, now she wants a decent man. Please. I refuse to go behind a thug.

I joined a social fraternity to enhance my social skills because I've always been a shy person. I'm still quite shy, but I have improved. I had several opportunities to sleep with fraternity groupies, but I turned them all down because I wanted a traditional good woman. I don't have any remorse for hoes whatsoever. They're not ladies in my book. Just because she's older and more mature now, still doesn't make a difference to me. She may have hoed around in her younger days and now may have changed, but I still wouldn't get involved with her. To me, SHE'S BEEN USED UP.

I noticed the OP meets jokers at night clubs. If I had a street sweeper, the night clubs would be the 1st place I would go to start sweeping up the trash.

I agree. Women these days do tend to use that as a lame cop out. They want all the freedom in the world to be as irresponsible, reckless & being "out there" so to speak, without any of the responsibility that comes along with engaging in such behavior. When we hold them to the same standard of accountability for engaging in this kind of behavior, then all of a sudden, the rules change & they try & hide behind those excuses you highlighted in your comments. It really is a cheap ploy used by alot of females to try & duck personal responsibility/acountability & not be held to the same standards of decency that they'll crucify a man for not living up to.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by BlackAdam06

I agree. Women these days do tend to use that as a lame cop out. They want all the freedom in the world to be as irresponsible, reckless & being "out there" so to speak, without any of the responsibility that comes along with engaging in such behavior. When we hold them to the same standard of accountability for engaging in this kind of behavior, then all of a sudden, the rules change & they try & hide behind those excuses you highlighted in your comments. It really is a cheap ploy used by alot of females to try & duck personal responsibility/acountability & not be held to the same standards of decency that they'll crucify a man for not living up to.

I also blame a lot of these men. They seem to turn nice women into low down women. They sleep with them and then they bounce. Hitting it and quitting it. That's a description of one sorry a$$ spineless man.

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

That's a cop out, and a poor excuse that a lot of women use. This is what they say: "I was out there back in the day when I was young. I felt I was too young to get in a serious relationship." blah blah blah.

Hell, when I was in undergrad, I was young too and always wanted to be with only ONE woman. I'm still that way, and I'll always be that way. I can't stand it when a woman says that same ol' lame a$$ bullisht about her being too young for a serious relationship. By the time she's in her 30s and 40s, more than likely she's been used up and screwed by a bunch of trifling a$$ bad boys. Who wants a woman like that? I sure as hell don't. When they're young they don't want the nice guy. They want that bad boy thuggish idiot who doesn't give a rat's a$$ about her. Then when she realizes her biological clock is ticking away, and that those bone head thugs aren't about anything, now she wants a decent man. Please. I refuse to go behind a thug.

I joined a social fraternity to enhance my social skills because I've always been a shy person. I'm still quite shy, but I have improved. I had several opportunities to sleep with fraternity groupies, but I turned them all down because I wanted a traditional good woman. I don't have any remorse for hoes whatsoever. They're not ladies in my book. Just because she's older and more mature now, still doesn't make a difference to me. She may have hoed around in her younger days and now may have changed, but I still wouldn't get involved with her. To me, SHE'S BEEN USED UP.

I noticed the OP meets jokers at night clubs. If I had a street sweeper, the night clubs would be the 1st place I would go to start sweeping up the trash.

While I agree with some of what you said, AKAMonet has a point, too. IMO young girls tend to form their opinions about relationships based on what they see at home between their parents. If the father is absent--either physically or emotionally--they get a skewed impression. Then society tells them that sex is the way to get a man. Oh and have a baby by him and you will have him for life.

It doesn't matter the economic or social background of the female, because it happens in middle class and upper class families, too.

And I believe it is the same for the guys. If they did not have a good role model of a relationship from their parents, then they will tend to follow in the same footsteps.

Lastly, I also blame mothers who love their sons and raise their daughters, i.e., raise them to cater to the man in the household whether it be the father or the brother.

ETA: An older soror once told me when asked about what was the secret to her 50+ year of marriage. She said she followed her mother's advice--if he goes up the street, you go down the street, because the less you know the better. Then eventually going up the street will not appeal to him anymore. LOL

[IlovemyAKA]

Originally Posted by ladygreek

ETA: An older soror once told me when asked about what was the secret to her 50+ year of marriage. She said she followed her mother's advice--if he goes up the street, you go down the street, because the less you know the better. Then eventually going up the street will not appeal to him anymore. LOL

This is interesting...

[PrettyBoy]

LG I agree with you 99%, but you lost me on the up the street down the street thing. My folks have been married for 44 years, and my folks never do anything without the other. Everything else though, you're right about.

DSTCHAOS, I wouldn't classify a woman who slept with 20 people as a hoe, but I most certainly would not get involved with a woman who slept with that many people. My question would be why so many men? Though I don't pull the double standard thing, I still do blame these men more than I do the women. Too many men have a very hard time being faithful to just one woman. They cheat, and spread their seads all over the place from woman to woman, which gives these same women insecurities, which is then taken out on the next man who just may be a good man.

I believe without a shadow of a doubt that EVERY woman wants to know that her S/O is completely loyal to her in thought and deed. Me personally, I still can't get down with the cheating and FWB thing. I believe a man should be firm in adherence to his promises that he makes to her. When a woman says that she wants a faithful man, what she's really asking for is a man who will not cheat and who will be loyally committed to her, and her only. I honestly don't think there's an excuse for the excessive partners. As ladygreek stated it comes from background. I agree with her, but I don't think anyone wants to be treated badly no matter what the background is. I really don't. How can anyone be completely satisfied having sex without a serious commitment? I don't think anyone wants that. I think it's the insecurities that get in the way. DSTCHAOS and ladygreek, you two make sense and I guess I'm being a bit unrealistic, but a woman with strong morals who believes in a serious relationship is very important to me, and I won't settle for anything less. I would die single before I do that. Seriously.

I remember when I was in undergrad my fraternity brothers were doing the FWB thing and trying to get me to do it too. I wanted a commitment, so I never slept around, and still won't so that's why I can't accept a woman in my life who has/had multiple sexual partners. This doesn't make her a bad person, I just know I wouldn't be able to get past that.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

DSTCHAOS, I wouldn't classify a woman who slept with 20 people as a hoe, but I most certainly would not get involved with a woman who slept with that many people. My question would be why so many men? Though I don't pull the double standard thing, I still do blame these men more than I do the women. Too many men have a very hard time being faithful to just one woman. They cheat, and spread their seads all over the place from woman to woman, which gives these same women insecurities, which is then taken out on the next man who just may be a good man.

You assume that she would feel it her duty to share that info with you?

I blame society for the double standard. Men are doing what they've always been taught men are supposed to. Sons are taught to have sex but wrap it up and daughters are taught to keep their legs closed. I think that's dumb because the sons will be having sex with someone's daughter. So the double standard is irrational.

Even monogamous men and women can get high numbers. I always find it humorous when men and women in their 20s and 30s say they've had tons of boyfriends and girlfriends. This fast monogamous dating means that almost any person of the opposite sex is a potential mate. So having a lot of sex partners is okay with them because each of these people was an exclusive relationship.

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

DSTCHAOS and ladygreek, you two make sense and I guess I'm being a bit unrealistic, but a woman with strong morals who believes in a serious relationship is very important to me, and I won't settle for anything less. I would die single before I do that. Seriously.

You aren't being unrealistic. You know what you want. I don't tolerate infidelity but I base that on a man's present and what he understands about relationships. I don't ask him about how many women he has been with. I don't care beyond making sure he is clean.

So if you find a good woman who wants to give you the world, don't turn her away because of something that you may get over if you try hard enough to. Also, don't turn her away if she won't tell you how many men she has been with. Like I said, it's really none of your business as long as her business isn't out in the streets. And, like I also said, she could have been with 1 other man and just thinks that it's none of your business period.

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I remember when I was in undergrad my fraternity brothers were doing the FWB thing and trying to get me to do it too. I wanted a commitment, so I never slept around, and still won't so that's why I can't accept a woman in my life who has/had multiple sexual partners. This doesn't make her a bad person, I just know I wouldn;t be able to get past that.

You're honest with yourself. Do what you're comfortable with. We all have our criteria. But many people's criteria changes as they see what's really out there. There are some deal breakers and the rest are just things you'd want in a perfect world. For example, men who date older women would be hard pressed to find an older woman who hasn't had a few sexual partners. Not impossible but difficult--even if she's celebate. Go based on how she's handled her sexual history and whether he has a constant need to be around other men. Stuff like that rather than numbers.

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

LG I agree with you 99%, but you lost me on the up the street down the street thing. My folks have been married for 44 years, and my folks never do anything without the other. Everything else though, you're right about.

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Knowing your folx I don't doubt that. And not to imply anything but how long were they married before you and your brother were born? And at what age did you become aware of the fact they never did anything without the other?