living together before marriage: opinions?

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

This is my major issue with cohabitation (and the reason I am for gay civil unions), and something that made me get out of my relationship as soon as I realized that I didn't want to get married to him. We were on great terms--and still are--but there was no way I was going to stay in a relationship out of inertia, because I would probably be the one left out in the cold financially in a split.

Also, what happens when one person gets really sick? Without anything listing you as a next of kin or giving you power of attorney, you're SOL. As good as you "think" you are with your SO's family, people show their asses when there's a crisis.

I agree with all of that.

Some people seem to think marriage is passé now, apparently. As passé as it is, however, the protections which come with it should still prove to be extremely relevant. For all the bullcrap that goes along with getting POAs written up, making sure wills are in order, owning everything in a corporate partnership, etc., marriage is a hell of a lot easier.

Also, if you're afraid of what happens in a divorce, see lawyers, get prenupital agreements written up. I very much believe in marriage for life, etc., (I'm old fashioned like that), but I still have a prenup, because sh%% happens.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by Kevin

I agree with all of that.

Some people seem to think marriage is passé now, apparently. As passé as it is, however, the protections which come with it should still prove to be extremely relevant. For all the bullcrap that goes along with getting POAs written up, making sure wills are in order, owning everything in a corporate partnership, etc., marriage is a hell of a lot easier.

Also, if you're afraid of what happens in a divorce, see lawyers, get prenupital agreements written up. I very much believe in marriage for life, etc., (I'm old fashioned like that), but I still have a prenup, because sh%% happens.

I'm surprised you have a prenup only because most of my classmates think they are evil, even the ones who are planning on doing family law. I want to have one but the Conservinator is opposed (surprise!). I think he's trying to steal my assets.

That said, could we quit it with all the law talk, please? I pop on GC for a break from studying and what do I get? More law.

[RoxyGrrrl]

Living together, for me is not a means to an end in marriage. It's not the goal. I just don't see why I have to.

And I said I was thinking about hyphenating period, not IF.

A great percentage of cohabitating people who have been together even 2 years come out of it having an out of wedlock child, hoping they will get married one day, and wishing they had some paperwork to show for all the "playing house" they did when it's all said and done.

And you are perfectly right about that. This where I draw my line in the sand. I would never live together and have children. There's just no two ways about that.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by RoxyGrrrl

Living together, for me is not a means to an end in marriage.

It isnt to me, either, because marriage happens all the time without it. As some of us have said previously, I don't see the purpose in living together without an ultimate goal other than having a room mate.

Originally Posted by RoxyGrrrl

And you are perfectly right about that. This where I draw my line in the sand. I would never live together and have children. There's just no two ways about that.

A lot of people say they would not live together and have children but children end up showing up somehow. Cohabitation creates the all-too-familiar context and leads to a lot of things that people do not foresee, in general.

***

Good luck! Hyphenated names are the way to go!

[SthrnZeta]

I live with my boyfriend and I told him straight up that I want to get married at some point, that moving in with him may have been a matter of convenience at the time but that it had now turned into something altogether more serious and he agreed. Hopefully time for a candlelight soon...? My point is that setting forth expectations beforehand when moving in with a boyf or girlf is definitely a good idea.

[DSTCHAOS]

I had a friend who was reeeeeeally antimarriage and an extreme feminist who saw this all as patriarchy controlling our lives.

Until her boyfriend was going for his tour of duty overseas and they thought about who would be the first contact for his leaves and if something happened. They didn't want the first and only contact to be his parents anymore.

[DSTCHAOS]

I need something better than Wiki for most discussions.

[RoxyGrrrl]

A lot of people say they would not live together and have children but children end up showing up somehow. Cohabitation creates the all-too-familiar context and leads to a lot of things that people do not foresee, in general.

Children aren't an option for us, so none will just show up "somehow." Besides, I know how that happens!

We actually have faced serious illness but had the POA thing covered beforehand. We have wills, life insurance policies, all the paperwork. We are actually recognized by a court of law as being legally married, so it's a common law thing. It does vary state to state though. We each own a home in our name solely.

I don't think marriage is passe by any means.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by RoxyGrrrl

We are actually recognized by a court of law as being legally married, so it's a common law thing.

Well, there ya go.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

I need something better than Wiki for most discussions.

For discussions? I don't. For some sort of "proof" yeah that'd make sense.

Luckily for you, if you click the wiki link you'll see the sources right by the description of each state's provisions. Should you feel the need to do the research all over again, it's right there.


Oh and MysticCat, hence my inclusion of sources. I wasn't saying that the previous poster wasn't in a common law marriage, just replying that it wasn't automatic. Also, I put "and/or", not wiki. Those provisions are listed in some combination in each state's rules. And while legally it's different, "intent" to marry and portraying/considering yourself married are very similar.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Luckily for you, if you click the wiki link you'll see the sources right by the description of each state's provisions. Should you feel the need to do the research all over again, it's right there.

Great.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Oh and MysticCat, hence my inclusion of sources. I wasn't saying that the previous poster wasn't in a common law marriage, just replying that it wasn't automatic. Also, I put "and/or", not wiki. Those provisions are listed in some combination in each state's rules. And while legally it's different, "intent" to marry and portraying/considering yourself married are very similar.

Gotcha on the "and/or."

And while agree that "'intent' to marry and portraying/considering yourself married are very similar," are similar, the fact is that different states will ask the question differently. Some states will ask "did they intend to form a marriage?" Others will ask "did they hold themselves out as husband and wife?" (Or they will consider an affirmative answer to the second question as adequate proof of intent.) With the first question, intent must be proved by the party claiming a common law marriage, and intent can be a tricky thing to prove' it's usually proved by actions consistent with that intent. With the second question, intent per se does not have to proved. Rather, the question that must be proved is the much easier standard of representations.

But getting to the core of what I think you were getting at, you're right that simply cohabitating cannot result in a common law marriage anywhere.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

But getting to the core of what I think you were getting at, you're right that simply cohabitating cannot result in a common law marriage anywhere.

Indeed, that is all I was attempting to say initially. And the intent was just one specific example in what I learned in my class. That was one requirement the professor (a lawyer) included in her summary.

[RoxyGrrrl]

Her boyfriend might decide to counter with "we're married, so I want my share of what Dr. RoxyGrrrl has accumulated for us during our marriage." Hello, court fight.

I just heard a story about a couple from my hometown and that's exactly what happened to them. They were married without a prenup and it's getting pretty ugly. Makes you stop and think, that's for sure.

Just FTR, um no...I wouldn't rely on wiki for anything other than to look up inane things.

[nittanyalum]

I see I'm going to have to change to a bulk order of these... http://www.signals.com/signals/Item_...1G_ps_srm.html