Is sex really that big of a deal?

[RoyalEmpress33]

Originally Posted by James

Isn't a relationship without sexual contact called friendship?

I am being glib, but also serious.

Let's say for example you were dating a young woman for about 3 1/2 years before you proposed to her. You mean to tell me the entire time you were just dating you'd just consider her your 'friend'? Even though you weren't having sex or were waiting to get married to have sex? I'm lost...

Anyway, I was in this same situation not too long ago actually. I really liked this guy (or THOUGHT I did) and because I liked him and he was well aware of it, he thought that this was his open invitation to having sex with me. He felt as though,well, I like him, so I'll give him whatever he wants. Ummm-NOT! I don't think so. I'm a virgin, and plan on staying that way for a long time. If he didn't like it, that was just too damn bad and he can go back where he came from. Well, the next day after I denied him of ANY sexual activity, he started acting foolish. Didn't speak. Didn't call or anything. But you know what? That's fine. F*ck him is what I say.

Alot of women feel like in order to keep a so-called "man" that they have to give up the only precious thing they can't get back just so some man can have another notch on his belt. If a man is not willing to get some self-control and WAIT, then you don't need him. I might have got off topic a little, but that's my two cents.

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by RoyalEmpress33

Let's say for example you were dating a young woman for about 3 1/2 years before you proposed to her. You mean to tell me the entire time you were just dating you'd just consider her your 'friend'? Even though you weren't having sex or were waiting to get married to have sex? I'm lost...

I'm pretty sure James wouldn't be dating a young woman for 3 1/2 years without having sex with her.

[RoyalEmpress33]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

I'm pretty sure James wouldn't be dating a young woman for 3 1/2 years without having sex with her.

LOL, well that's true too. He would have to answer that for himself though. Its more of a general question.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

I'm pretty sure James wouldn't be dating a young woman for 3 1/2 years without having sex with her.

LOL, that's what I was thinking.

But for real, in that class I was talking about there were 100+ people and I was THE ONLY ONE who didn't feel that if 2 people weren't having sex, it still was a relationship. Everyone else said that the couple were just friends.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

LOL, that's what I was thinking.

But for real, in that class I was talking about there were 100+ people and I was THE ONLY ONE who didn't feel that if 2 people weren't having sex, it still was a relationship. Everyone else said that the couple were just friends.

Well, I agree with you. Otherwise I stayed friends with my boyfriend for a looong time before we were really "in a relationship."

Sex, and sexual behavior do not a relationship make. That's not to say there's not a sexual drive behind your emotions and feelings for each other, there is. But, if, God forbid, something happened to my boyfriend and sex was no longer an option, I'd still love him. And I know that the opposite is also true.

Love =/= Sex
Sex =/= Love

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Sex, and sexual behavior do not a relationship make. That's not to say there's not a sexual drive behind your emotions and feelings for each other, there is. But, if, God forbid, something happened to my boyfriend and sex was no longer an option, I'd still love him. And I know that the opposite is also true.

This is cute in kind of a "Hallmark/Oxygen TV/vomit" sort of way, and that's great for you guys - however, I don't want others in the thread to mistake what you're saying here (and the implications).

All healthy relationships require a strong, healthy sexual side. Do you necessarily need to have sex, per se? No - but you should be prepared to meet both your needs and your partner's in some other way. What does 'healthy' mean? Well, it's different for each individual, but it is 100% a point of compatibility - so if the female is comfortable with zero sexual contact, fine, but she'll be searching for quite some time for a sucker, errr dude who matches.

Before we start mangling our terminology further (for instance, "LOVE =/= HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP" would be the easiest addition to the tautology parade, but whatever), I think it's important to keep the inarguable points in mind - between religion, mythologizing of love and societal pressure, it's a difficult situation, but there is no getting around the fact that sexual compatibility is huge . . . and it's a huge problem for a large number of couples.

This is why I don't have trouble with the "technical virgin" mentality - while I don't really carry the same moral bases (obviously), if you feel that abstinence is solid for whatever reason, I can't fault you for pleasing your partner (and yourself). It doesn't seem super efficient, but it's your choice - and it will be quite difficult for people to have healthy relationships as an adult while remaining completely chaste.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

This is cute in kind of a "Hallmark/Oxygen TV/vomit" sort of way, and that's great for you guys - however, I don't want others in the thread to mistake what you're saying here (and the implications).

All healthy relationships require a strong, healthy sexual side. Do you necessarily need to have sex, per se? No - but you should be prepared to meet both your needs and your partner's in some other way. What does 'healthy' mean? Well, it's different for each individual, but it is 100% a point of compatibility - so if the female is comfortable with zero sexual contact, fine, but she'll be searching for quite some time for a sucker, errr dude who matches.

Before we start mangling our terminology further (for instance, "LOVE =/= HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP" would be the easiest addition to the tautology parade, but whatever), I think it's important to keep the inarguable points in mind - between religion, mythologizing of love and societal pressure, it's a difficult situation, but there is no getting around the fact that sexual compatibility is huge . . . and it's a huge problem for a large number of couples.

This is why I don't have trouble with the "technical virgin" mentality - while I don't really carry the same moral bases (obviously), if you feel that abstinence is solid for whatever reason, I can't fault you for pleasing your partner (and yourself). It doesn't seem super efficient, but it's your choice - and it will be quite difficult for people to have healthy relationships as an adult while remaining completely chaste.

Yeah well the idea of a tragic crotch accident with me lying at his hospital bed protesting that I shall always love him is rather hallmark

But that's what I meant in that there is a sexual drive behind your feelings. And if you have zero sexual contact, you're both probably going to be stressed unless you were both raised that way and are comfortable with it. (I know someone who went all out and officially courted his fiancé. They were chaperoned and everything) But hugging, kissing, making out are sexual contact and can be sufficient for both parties IF they both want it to be. The idea that guys are sexual machines and MUST be appeased with sex or else is silly. Being a sexual being is not the same thing as being sexually active, guy or girl.

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

But hugging, kissing, making out are sexual contact and can be sufficient for both parties IF they both want it to be.

This can be true . . . but it's less "want" than "need" - each person has a level of satisfaction. Most can't "will themselves satisfied" with any relationship element, including this one - in fact, I'd argue no one should ever try.

Originally Posted by Drolefille

The idea that guys are sexual machines and MUST be appeased with sex or else is silly. Being a sexual being is not the same thing as being sexually active, guy or girl.

See, here's the problem - you're wrong, both literally and in essence, for a large percentage of the population.