Deltas I truly need ya'll help

[RedefinedDiva]

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT condoning any of their behavior, nor would I react in such a way, but in approximately 15-18 months, people will be paying me to play Devil's Advocate, so I like to take advantage of practice opportunities.

With that said....

I would like to ask what your relationship was like with your line sisters prior to coming out to them. Maybe you jumped the gun or maybe they felt deceived by your lack of honesty when it may have been warranted.

Even though the bonds of sisterhood may be strong, some people may still be faced with those barriers of not revealing all about themselves up front. Some people, especially women, need time to get to know you before they "tell you all their business." Contrary to popular belief, being "on line" with someone does NOT make you instant best friends. And though YOU may feel comfortable with these people, the feeling may not be reciprocal.

The converse may also be true. Depending on how long you have known your line sisters and the experiences that you may have shared, they may be reacting to the fact that you waited all this time to tell them. I know some of the experiences and information that my line sisters and I have shared from the day we met, and I would be HIGHLY pissed if one of them waited until NOW to tell me that they were a lesbian! Also, as someone previously stated, they may be questioning your motives and integrity in that you decided to reserve coming out for AFTER you became a Delta.

None of us can state why they are choosing to put your business out like that. Maybe for some of the same reasons that sites like dontdatehim.com are popular. A person gets hurt or angry and doesn't know how to react. They need some other people the support and validate their anger. I also remember the person that I was in undergrad. Though I was mature and better raised, I can't necessarily say that I would have been above the behavior. With the right kind of support (which sounds to be campus-wide), I could see how easily I could have gotten swept up into keeping some mess going. You're dealing with 18, 19, 20 or so year old chicks. I know some grow azz 25+ year olds in LAW SCHOOL that pop off drama like high schoolers, so I put nothing past anyone.

Just live your life and do you.

[ColorfulCre8ion]

Originally Posted by mccoyred

I guess my problem with this situation is that why wait until AFTER you have your letters? If you truly bonded during MIP, this would have come out then and you would know that they accept you for who you are.

Originally Posted by RedefinedDiva

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT condoning any of their behavior, nor would I react in such a way, but in approximately 15-18 months, people will be paying me to play Devil's Advocate, so I like to take advantage of practice opportunities.

With that said....

I would like to ask what your relationship was like with your line sisters prior to coming out to them. Maybe you jumped the gun or maybe they felt deceived by your lack of honesty when it may have been warranted.

Even though the bonds of sisterhood may be strong, some people may still be faced with those barriers of not revealing all about themselves up front. Some people, especially women, need time to get to know you before they "tell you all their business." Contrary to popular belief, being "on line" with someone does NOT make you instant best friends. And though YOU may feel comfortable with these people, the feeling may not be reciprocal. I know some of the experiences and information that my line sisters and I have shared from the day we met, and I would be HIGHLY pissed if one of them waited until NOW to tell me that they were a lesbian! Also, as someone previously stated, they may be questioning your motives and integrity in that you decided to reserve coming out for AFTER you became a Delta.

Thanks everyone for your advice and encouragement. I know someone mentioned why I waited until after MIP to disclose this information. It's really hard to explain timing of coming "out" to people. Fortunetly, straight people don't have to face this because immediately at birth everyone is assumed to be heterosexual. I did not lie or mislead my sands in anyway. This is who I am and I wanted them to know because I also have a girlfriend on campus. Again I cannot apologize or change who i am, this is me. But I am so thankful to know that I am not alone, and that are some wonderful people on GC who have been great support.

(I bolded that statement because I don't understand what someone's sexuality has anything to do with you. Please believe that lesbians rarely fall in love with people who are not lesbians or just any random female. We can control emotions and desires just like heterosexuals.
Wow that comment really disturbed me.)

[pinkies up]

I would hate it if my sands turned their backs on me, especially since you're only as strong as your weakest link anyway. Remember, you pledged the sorority, and not the chapter. You made a vow to uphold your organization and to work towards the goals of that organization. I can't imagine what you're going through (remember those words-going through). Just know that it will pass and you will learn a lot about yourself while dealing with this. Best of luck.

[treblk]

Originally Posted by ColorfulCre8ion

Thanks everyone for your advice and encouragement. I know someone mentioned why I waited until after MIP to disclose this information. It's really hard to explain timing of coming "out" to people. Fortunetly, straight people don't have to face this because immediately at birth everyone is assumed to be heterosexual. I did not lie or mislead my sands in anyway. This is who I am and I wanted them to know because I also have a girlfriend on campus. Again I cannot apologize or change who i am, this is me. But I am so thankful to know that I am not alone, and that are some wonderful people on GC who have been great support.

(I bolded that statement because I don't understand what someone's sexuality has anything to do with you. Please believe that lesbians rarely fall in love with people who are not lesbians or just any random female. We can control emotions and desires just like heterosexuals.
Wow that comment really disturbed me.)

I think you took the bolded statement from RD the wrong way. I believe that that statement was in reference to building a bond with someone for months or years and they wait to tell you their sexual preference. It almost seems as though that bond you both have built was not strong enough to warrant an expression such as your sexual preference.

[ColorfulCre8ion]

Originally Posted by treblk

I think you took the bolded statement from RD the wrong way. I believe that that statement was in reference to building a bond with someone for months or years and they wait to tell you their sexual preference. It almost seems as though that bond you both have built was not strong enough to warrant an expression such as your sexual preference.

Oh ok gotcha. Again when telling someone you are gay....that takes a lot of personal and psychological stress. I mean imagine telling my parents who love me and claim to always love me and then say they have nothing to do with me. You never know what to expect when you come 'out' so who know when the right time is to do it. I also told my sands because I wanted them to hear from me and not later down the road when they find out I have a girlfriend or someone sees me at a gay bar.

[treblk]

Originally Posted by ColorfulCre8ion

Oh ok gotcha. Again when telling someone you are gay....that takes a lot of personal and psychological stress. I mean imagine telling my parents who love me and claim to always love me and then say they have nothing to do with me. You never know what to expect when you come 'out' so who know when the right time is to do it. I also told my sands because I wanted them to hear from me and not later down the road when they find out I have a girlfriend or someone sees me at a gay bar.

I just wanted to make this point. You are upset about the reaction of your ls's to your coming out and you wante them to welcome you with open arms, but here you stated that your own parents didn't want anything to do with you after you came out to them. Now, I'on know about anyone else, but if my parents are having a hard time with this, what would make me think my ls's would be different? Hang in there, because I am sure it is difficult for you.

[dzdst796]

Originally Posted by treblk

I just wanted to make this point. You are upset about the reaction of your ls's to your coming out and you wante them to welcome you with open arms, but here you stated that your own parents didn't want anything to do with you after you came out to them. Now, I'on know about anyone else, but if my parents are having a hard time with this, what would make me think my ls's would be different? Hang in there, because I am sure it is difficult for you.

I understand your point why should she expect to get support from strangers when she didn't get any from her family. I guess maybe she thought they would be more accepting. I just hope everything works out.

[Krisco]

I think that one of life's biggest misconceptions is assuming. As much as I know and love the fact that my sorority is based on CHRISTIAN principles, I refuse to judge people. If one of my pledge sisters had 'came out,' I would have accepted "her" choice to live that lifestyle, even if I don't understand it nor truly agree with. Its almost like the saying either you are against something or for it. I feel I get pulled in many situations, and this is one of them. As much as I disagree with that lifestyle and call myself a Christian, I KNOW FOR A FACT I would not throw you away like that...

When you decided to come out, you also decided to be cut off with certain people. That is just the nature of the unacceptance of homosexuality.

I guarantee you, at least one of your LS's wouldn't necessarily mind continuing the bonding process with you(as you know it continues after crossing), but she may then be ostracized by the rest as well. People are great at being followers. Even if they dislike your choices, I just don't agree with singling out a sister. We are all sinners. Anyone who just came through DELTA should know that.

I also am curious about why you choose Delta Sigma Theta. What were you looking for in this bond that could not be found elsewhere in life?

[Reds6]

Originally Posted by treblk

I just wanted to make this point. You are upset about the reaction of your ls's to your coming out and you wante them to welcome you with open arms, but here you stated that your own parents didn't want anything to do with you after you came out to them. Now, I'on know about anyone else, but if my parents are having a hard time with this, what would make me think my ls's would be different? Hang in there, because I am sure it is difficult for you.

Exactly! Something about the orginal post just doesn't sit right with me.

1. You said your CHECK was as good as theirs. Hmmm, maybe there was no bond.
2. You're parent's didn't accept you but you thought people you just met would.
3. You said it's hard coming out but had a girlfriend on campus, so technically weren't you already out?
4. Why the hell would you come on a board that you aren't to familiar with and have your first post be this again to a group of women you don't know? Why not PM a Soror on this site? Why not speak to the Soror that wrote your financial?
5. Why would any Soror call Nationals on this? Would you think that would better the realtionship?

Hey I don't care what you are and who you do it with, but I would have a problem with someone that I was in the trenches with, that I claim to have a bond with not disclose something that was so important on who they were to themselves. I have a feeling they are more pissed that you didn't tell them from the jump than that you are gay.

[Senusret I]

I don't understand why she was *supposed* to share her sexuality any other time than when she was ready to.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by Reds6

Exactly! Something about the orginal post just doesn't sit right with me.[LIST=1][*]You said your CHECK was as good as theirs. Hmmm, maybe there was no bond.
[*] You're parent's didn't accept you but you thought people you just met would.[*]You said it's hard coming out but had a girlfriend on campus, so technically weren't you already out?

was that first point in the original post? cause i see it was edited.

she couldve had a GF and not been out. makes sense to me.

and maybe because the OP's parents didnt react so well she THOUGHT her LSs would be better about it since they havent known her all her life. in example, one of my residents was out to me but not to her best friends. they came to visit that weekend and she was supposedly going to come out to them that weekend. did i know this? nope. so im talking to the friends about the resident's girlfriend and whatnot, and the looks on the friends' faces was like "what are you talking about?"

the friends cut their visit short and i felt really horrible cause i mistakenly outed her. everyone in the dorm was like "ok, you like girls, fine." her best friends from home, not so much.

yes, i also question why she waited until she crossed to come out. but, i will agree with Rashid on the "supposed to share her sexuality" at the "right time." since we always compare seeking membership to a job interview... would you tell the person you were interviewing that you were gay? or on the final interview? or your first day of work? had she worn her sexuality on her sleeve, that couldve affected her membership or not. in no way am i saying it shouldve, but let's be honest, not everyone is down for the count, especially from what it sounds like on the OP's campus. mind you this is kinda weird to me cause NYU is kind of a gay central - people who were way in the back of the closet at home came bursting out freshman year, and then some who took all 4 years to do.

anyway, who knows, its up to the individual and especially at 18, 19 (assuming the age of the OP) i'm not surprised that she was still in the closet. you dont know who to trust or what not, and being in limbo of child and adult, there isnt exactly any "adult" to run to tell people on.

[laylo]

Originally Posted by treblk

I just wanted to make this point. You are upset about the reaction of your ls's to your coming out and you wante them to welcome you with open arms, but here you stated that your own parents didn't want anything to do with you after you came out to them. Now, I'on know about anyone else, but if my parents are having a hard time with this, what would make me think my ls's would be different? Hang in there, because I am sure it is difficult for you.

If/When you lost your virginity, would/did you tell your girlfriends or your parents? If you'd gotten pregnant in highschool or college, wouldn't your girlfriends' reactions have been much better than your mom's?

[dzdst796]

I know I would not have disclosed it prior to being selected for membership, but I also know that I would have waited or tried to strike up a discussion about the subject to see what the reaction was prior to telling folks. Depending on the situation you might not establish the bond with your line sister(s) until well after the process is over. I know that is how it was for me. One thing that must be kept in perspective just because you are on line with someone does not automatically mean that you will be friends(and I use that word loosely).
In the big scheme of things this situation should make you stronger and next time you will check out the situation before sharing such personal information.

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by laylo

If/When you lost your virginity, would/did you tell your girlfriends or your parents? If you'd gotten pregnant in highschool or college, wouldn't your girlfriends' reactions have been much better than your mom's?

Bad analogy. Your girlfriends were probably doing the same things, so of course they would be sympathatic.

[treblk]

Originally Posted by laylo

If/When you lost your virginity, would/did you tell your girlfriends or your parents? If you'd gotten pregnant in highschool or college, wouldn't your girlfriends' reactions have been much better than your mom's?

Who(m) are you addressing these questions to?