Deltas I truly need ya'll help

[treblk]

Originally Posted by ColorfulCre8ion

Thanks everyone for your advice and encouragement. I know someone mentioned why I waited until after MIP to disclose this information. It's really hard to explain timing of coming "out" to people. Fortunetly, straight people don't have to face this because immediately at birth everyone is assumed to be heterosexual. I did not lie or mislead my sands in anyway. This is who I am and I wanted them to know because I also have a girlfriend on campus. Again I cannot apologize or change who i am, this is me. But I am so thankful to know that I am not alone, and that are some wonderful people on GC who have been great support.

(I bolded that statement because I don't understand what someone's sexuality has anything to do with you. Please believe that lesbians rarely fall in love with people who are not lesbians or just any random female. We can control emotions and desires just like heterosexuals.
Wow that comment really disturbed me.)

I think you took the bolded statement from RD the wrong way. I believe that that statement was in reference to building a bond with someone for months or years and they wait to tell you their sexual preference. It almost seems as though that bond you both have built was not strong enough to warrant an expression such as your sexual preference.

[ColorfulCre8ion]

Originally Posted by treblk

I think you took the bolded statement from RD the wrong way. I believe that that statement was in reference to building a bond with someone for months or years and they wait to tell you their sexual preference. It almost seems as though that bond you both have built was not strong enough to warrant an expression such as your sexual preference.

Oh ok gotcha. Again when telling someone you are gay....that takes a lot of personal and psychological stress. I mean imagine telling my parents who love me and claim to always love me and then say they have nothing to do with me. You never know what to expect when you come 'out' so who know when the right time is to do it. I also told my sands because I wanted them to hear from me and not later down the road when they find out I have a girlfriend or someone sees me at a gay bar.

[treblk]

Originally Posted by ColorfulCre8ion

Oh ok gotcha. Again when telling someone you are gay....that takes a lot of personal and psychological stress. I mean imagine telling my parents who love me and claim to always love me and then say they have nothing to do with me. You never know what to expect when you come 'out' so who know when the right time is to do it. I also told my sands because I wanted them to hear from me and not later down the road when they find out I have a girlfriend or someone sees me at a gay bar.

I just wanted to make this point. You are upset about the reaction of your ls's to your coming out and you wante them to welcome you with open arms, but here you stated that your own parents didn't want anything to do with you after you came out to them. Now, I'on know about anyone else, but if my parents are having a hard time with this, what would make me think my ls's would be different? Hang in there, because I am sure it is difficult for you.

[dzdst796]

Originally Posted by treblk

I just wanted to make this point. You are upset about the reaction of your ls's to your coming out and you wante them to welcome you with open arms, but here you stated that your own parents didn't want anything to do with you after you came out to them. Now, I'on know about anyone else, but if my parents are having a hard time with this, what would make me think my ls's would be different? Hang in there, because I am sure it is difficult for you.

I understand your point why should she expect to get support from strangers when she didn't get any from her family. I guess maybe she thought they would be more accepting. I just hope everything works out.

[Krisco]

I think that one of life's biggest misconceptions is assuming. As much as I know and love the fact that my sorority is based on CHRISTIAN principles, I refuse to judge people. If one of my pledge sisters had 'came out,' I would have accepted "her" choice to live that lifestyle, even if I don't understand it nor truly agree with. Its almost like the saying either you are against something or for it. I feel I get pulled in many situations, and this is one of them. As much as I disagree with that lifestyle and call myself a Christian, I KNOW FOR A FACT I would not throw you away like that...

When you decided to come out, you also decided to be cut off with certain people. That is just the nature of the unacceptance of homosexuality.

I guarantee you, at least one of your LS's wouldn't necessarily mind continuing the bonding process with you(as you know it continues after crossing), but she may then be ostracized by the rest as well. People are great at being followers. Even if they dislike your choices, I just don't agree with singling out a sister. We are all sinners. Anyone who just came through DELTA should know that.

I also am curious about why you choose Delta Sigma Theta. What were you looking for in this bond that could not be found elsewhere in life?

[Krisco]

Originally Posted by Krisco

I also am curious about why you choose Delta Sigma Theta. What were you looking for in this bond that could not be found elsewhere in life?

Hope you were not offended when I asked you these questions, it was because you are a neo and you 'seemingly' are in search of acceptance in the midst of all the undue anguish you are experiencing. I wanted to know exactly what drew you to Delta, nothing more nothing less, everyone has their reasons. If you chose or chose not to share that is definitely your perrogative, but as a neo be prepared to answer to some Delta somewhere that question, + many others 10 fold!

I

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by Krisco

I think that one of life's biggest misconceptions is assuming. As much as I know and love the fact that my sorority is based on CHRISTIAN principles, I refuse to judge people.

What's the correlation here? We are based on Christian principles--not Christian scripture.

*Okay I know, that's a whole 'nother discussion that has been hashed and rehashed on here* LOL

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by ladygreek

What's the correlation here? We are based on Christian principles--not Christian scripture.

*Okay I know, that's a whole 'nother discussion that has been hashed and rehashed on here* LOL

I knew you'd pick up on that.

[Krisco]

Originally Posted by ladygreek

What's the correlation here? We are based on Christian principles--not Christian scripture.

*Okay I know, that's a whole 'nother discussion that has been hashed and rehashed on here* LOL

Soror Ladygreek, I was making an attempt to say in my own feeble and bumbling mind that christian principles, imho, are highly related and based on actual scripture, hence in my eyes correlated. But of course, that is subjective to what one embraces as Christianity. I was kind of torn in the way I felt about this young lady and her motives. On the one hand Granny laid it down early that christian principles and/or scripture doesn't condone homsexuality...period, but at the same time neither does it 'allow' judging and mistreatment. So at times I basically feel torn quite a bit... !

As Steve Harvey says "He ain't through with me yet"

[Reds6]

Originally Posted by treblk

I just wanted to make this point. You are upset about the reaction of your ls's to your coming out and you wante them to welcome you with open arms, but here you stated that your own parents didn't want anything to do with you after you came out to them. Now, I'on know about anyone else, but if my parents are having a hard time with this, what would make me think my ls's would be different? Hang in there, because I am sure it is difficult for you.

Exactly! Something about the orginal post just doesn't sit right with me.

1. You said your CHECK was as good as theirs. Hmmm, maybe there was no bond.
2. You're parent's didn't accept you but you thought people you just met would.
3. You said it's hard coming out but had a girlfriend on campus, so technically weren't you already out?
4. Why the hell would you come on a board that you aren't to familiar with and have your first post be this again to a group of women you don't know? Why not PM a Soror on this site? Why not speak to the Soror that wrote your financial?
5. Why would any Soror call Nationals on this? Would you think that would better the realtionship?

Hey I don't care what you are and who you do it with, but I would have a problem with someone that I was in the trenches with, that I claim to have a bond with not disclose something that was so important on who they were to themselves. I have a feeling they are more pissed that you didn't tell them from the jump than that you are gay.

[Senusret I]

I don't understand why she was *supposed* to share her sexuality any other time than when she was ready to.

[Reds6]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

I don't understand why she was *supposed* to share her sexuality any other time than when she was ready to.

I don't think she has to share it. I just think it made her LS's wonder why she waited to share it, especially something that is so important to her. People feel deceived, when they are getting to know you and then find out something that is major to you in your own life and didn't share it? I don't care who she loves, but I would have the same question if I had a LS that told me she was married and had children after we crossed. I would wonder while we were bonding why didn't she share something so important to her with us. I think it wasn't shared before because she thought she wouldn't make line. I also question the validty of her post.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by Reds6

Exactly! Something about the orginal post just doesn't sit right with me.[LIST=1][*]You said your CHECK was as good as theirs. Hmmm, maybe there was no bond.
[*] You're parent's didn't accept you but you thought people you just met would.[*]You said it's hard coming out but had a girlfriend on campus, so technically weren't you already out?

was that first point in the original post? cause i see it was edited.

she couldve had a GF and not been out. makes sense to me.

and maybe because the OP's parents didnt react so well she THOUGHT her LSs would be better about it since they havent known her all her life. in example, one of my residents was out to me but not to her best friends. they came to visit that weekend and she was supposedly going to come out to them that weekend. did i know this? nope. so im talking to the friends about the resident's girlfriend and whatnot, and the looks on the friends' faces was like "what are you talking about?"

the friends cut their visit short and i felt really horrible cause i mistakenly outed her. everyone in the dorm was like "ok, you like girls, fine." her best friends from home, not so much.

yes, i also question why she waited until she crossed to come out. but, i will agree with Rashid on the "supposed to share her sexuality" at the "right time." since we always compare seeking membership to a job interview... would you tell the person you were interviewing that you were gay? or on the final interview? or your first day of work? had she worn her sexuality on her sleeve, that couldve affected her membership or not. in no way am i saying it shouldve, but let's be honest, not everyone is down for the count, especially from what it sounds like on the OP's campus. mind you this is kinda weird to me cause NYU is kind of a gay central - people who were way in the back of the closet at home came bursting out freshman year, and then some who took all 4 years to do.

anyway, who knows, its up to the individual and especially at 18, 19 (assuming the age of the OP) i'm not surprised that she was still in the closet. you dont know who to trust or what not, and being in limbo of child and adult, there isnt exactly any "adult" to run to tell people on.

[Reds6]

Originally Posted by tld221

was that first point in the original post? cause i see it was edited.

she couldve had a GF and not been out. makes sense to me.

and maybe because the OP's parents didnt react so well she THOUGHT her LSs would be better about it since they havent known her all her life. in example, one of my residents was out to me but not to her best friends. they came to visit that weekend and she was supposedly going to come out to them that weekend. did i know this? nope. so im talking to the friends about the resident's girlfriend and whatnot, and the looks on the friends' faces was like "what are you talking about?"

the friends cut their visit short and i felt really horrible cause i mistakenly outed her. everyone in the dorm was like "ok, you like girls, fine." her best friends from home, not so much.

yes, i also question why she waited until she crossed to come out. but, i will agree with Rashid on the "supposed to share her sexuality" at the "right time." since we always compare seeking membership to a job interview... would you tell the person you were interviewing that you were gay? or on the final interview? or your first day of work? had she worn her sexuality on her sleeve, that couldve affected her membership or not. in no way am i saying it shouldve, but let's be honest, not everyone is down for the count, especially from what it sounds like on the OP's campus. mind you this is kinda weird to me cause NYU is kind of a gay central - people who were way in the back of the closet at home came bursting out freshman year, and then some who took all 4 years to do.

anyway, who knows, its up to the individual and especially at 18, 19 (assuming the age of the OP) i'm not surprised that she was still in the closet. you dont know who to trust or what not, and being in limbo of child and adult, there isnt exactly any "adult" to run to tell people on.

It's the person's right to come out whenever they feel comfortable. But she stated she had a girlfriend on campus, and didn't want her LS's to find out by seeing her or someone seeing her at a gay bar. So that makes me wonder how in was she . Again why not disclose it to your LS's while on line, if it is such a major part of her life. Why feel the need to tell them at all. Just like you wouldn't anounce you were Hetro, why announce you are gay? Just show up to an event with your SO, no matter what your orientation.

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by tld221

since we always compare seeking membership to a job interview... would you tell the person you were interviewing that you were gay? or on the final interview? or your first day of work?

At first glance I thought this was a good analogy and would still think so if the issue was she had lied in her interview. (Which couldn't have happened anyway.) But where it then fell short for me is that once you are online the job analogy is no longer applicable.

I do agree with Shid's comments, but I also understand what my sorors are saying, because we all know what goes on in our process.

Very honestly, I have not commented about the scenario before, because it involves my sorors on both sides and I do not want to pass judgement without knowing the other side. Especially when one side sounds so extreme.