Quote:
Originally Posted by nikki1920
I was officially diagnosed with Clinical Depression in September of last year.
I didnt tell ANYONE until several co-workers confronted me about the change in my appearance. When I finally confessed that I wasn't myself, one of them broke down and told me her story. I could see myself in her story. I also shared my struggles with a Soror and darn it if she wasn't going through the same exact thing, at the same time. We agreed to not keep it quiet anymore. I've been blessed to have several people on this site serve as sounding boards or encouragers or a cyber shoulder to cyber cry on. 
Funny aside: I was telling my therapist about this (a white male) and he said, "I thought Black women talked about everything." I told him, "We do. Just not about mental issues." And that is a truly sad statement. The more people I talk to, the more I find have or are dealing with the same issue. And true, you don't have to tell everyone ALL your business, but someone you know may have the key to help you get through it and sometimes it helps to know that you really AREN'T the only person who is going through something. |
I suffer from Clinical Depression, too. I have since the mid-1990's. I was recently diagnosed with Agoraphobia (w/o panic attacks; I've only had one). Afterwards, I realized that what I thought was "normal" wasn't. I didn't know everyone didn't get nervous for no reason. I didn't know everyone didn't have an escape plan no matter where they were. I still think this should be removed from the list of symptoms as to me it's necessary to know how to get out of somewhere should something happen; it's a safety issue. Just like not going into places that only have one entrance/exit. To me that's a safety issue and if something happens (fire, gunshot, etc) getting out would be *sigh* I get nervous just thinking about it. So some stuff I never mentioned to anyone cuz I thought it was as normal as getting chill bumps.
I am not always homebound, but I do isolate often. I have lost friends due to this because people don't understand that some things are beyond my control. Which is annoying in itself because I'm a control-freak.
We definitely don't talk about everything. I can't say that I'm willing to make myself completely vulnerable in that way because of my relationships that have been damaged in the past. So sometimes I just pretend that none of that mental health stuff exists, pray that the Almighty gives me strength and courage, I put on my mask, and I KIM. When I'm unable to even wear the mask (read: I'm not up to it cuz it's exhausting playing the "I'm Ok" game), I isolate. I think it totally scares my manfriend, so when he thinks I'm isolating, he will make sure to take me out somewhere. I'll go out with him because I feel "safe" with him.
It's hard because a lot of people who think they know me, really only know the mask. So when they learn of my "issues," they don't believe it (cuz I'd really make it up
) because they've been fooled by my performances over the years. And I am a MASTER at the mask. Which is also on the list of descriptions of agoraphobics. I read books on the subject and it made me feel better to hear other people's experiences and healing. It's nice to know you're not alone in dealing with stuff. And it helps to finally understand the
why behind your actions.
It's SO nice to be able to talk to someone who understands, though. I "talk" to a soror who totally understands and I am SO glad to have "met" her. Sorors truly are priceless. Because my blood sisters know about the depression, but they only know the surface. They worry too much to know the whole story.
I'm going to change the name of this thread...
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