Mental Health and Taboo topics in OUR community

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

When you tell folks, they can turn tables on you and throw it back up in your face.

That happens a lot. For example, I have an acquaintance who shared her story with people she thought she could trust. When something seemingly unrelated happened, she was told "weren't you on antidepressants? That explains why you can't keep a man" by someone who was being messy.

Also, many people don't know much about these conditions so they say things like what I mentioned earlier "just pray about it" when they are told. That can be interpreted as rather dismissive.

[Ideal08]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

When something seemingly unrelated happened, she was told "weren't you on antidepressants? That explains why you can't keep a man" by someone who was being messy.

Wow. Just. Wow.

Darling1, I remember those convos as well.

I have to wonder if a lot of women don't say anything or seek help because they aren't aware that something is wrong. They think they're just "tired" all the time. Or being scatterbrained. It's almost as if you have to be suicidal to even consider having a mental health issue. Which my ex-boyfriend did mention to me once. I was trying to talk to him about how I felt and how it affected our relationship and he said, "I don't see what the big deal is. It's not like you're about to slit your wrists." I mean, dang, does it have to get to that point?

I can't expect everyone to understand cuz I don't understand all of it all the time. But I'm at least open-minded and willing to educate myself on it. Who knew I'd be all up in the DSM-IV, lol. But I guess I have to because I'm not trusting enough to trust what the therapist says. I need to research and see if she's right, lol. Especially when meds become involved. I need to be informed.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by Ideal08

I have to wonder if a lot of women don't say anything or seek help because they aren't aware that something is wrong. They think they're just "tired" all the time. Or being scatterbrained. It's almost as if you have to be suicidal to even consider having a mental health issue. Which my ex-boyfriend did mention to me once. I was trying to talk to him about how I felt and how it affected our relationship and he said, "I don't see what the big deal is. It's not like you're about to slit your wrists." I mean, dang, does it have to get to that point?

I know how hard it is to FEEL like I am being heard and understood. Sometimes it is our tactics we are using. We feel strongly that what we are doing is the right course of action, when really it is too much or too little of those neurotransmitters and vitamins coursing through our brains that cause hasty generalizations and what might be considered irrational conclusions. It seems one practically actually has to get to the point of jumping to feel like they are being heard and understood. Most folks need validation and reflectiveness with assertive or less "accusations".

All this to say sometimes for some people it does have to get to that point...

Your ex invalidated your feelings... Feelings do not know the difference between right and wrong--they just feel. To master them, one has to reach a place of balance and then respond, it is usually through breath and the conduit of water.

Originally Posted by Ideal08

I can't expect everyone to understand cuz I don't understand all of it all the time. But I'm at least open-minded and willing to educate myself on it. Who knew I'd be all up in the DSM-IV, lol. But I guess I have to because I'm not trusting enough to trust what the therapist says. I need to research and see if she's right, lol. Especially when meds become involved. I need to be informed.

When incidents or episodes happen to me, I cannot "place" me anymore--where is my "soul" or "essence" when it all happened. It used to be over there removed, but now, I am all up into the mix, right there when it happens--sometimes causing it!!!

And I, too have heavily educated myself. My path is different, I pursued an alternative medicine, except when one of the symptoms of Bipolar is extreme religiousity... So, I have to slow myself down and become balanced. I can do that now than when I was a kid... However, I still connect with my core of "therapi"--in fact, I just had to fire one of them because what she was asking me to do was fight for a cause I no longer believed in and it was fcuking with me... I chose not to suffer that battle and move on... Do I wonder "what ifs" or hayle yes... But, that's when I start counting simple blessings, like air... When it is overwhelming, that is when I place a call--normally when the "bad tapes" start reeling in my head... My core therapi group is on it, check my blood, talk to me, make sure nothing is off and send me on my way...

Overtime, it is okay and there aren't that many rollercoaster rides as their use to be. But, it is far from perfect.

[darling1]

the stigma and just general ignorance is why many communities keep mental illness behind closed doors. personally, i have had convos with my mother that have made me wonder why i opened up at all. recently, she called me about something and i was in the middle of dressing my child for school. i was irritated and a bit aloof--i simply wasnt trying to have a convo with her at that time. she called my husband later that day and in the course of the discussion asked if i were on my meds. i was so irritated and it hurt for a few reasons. the one thing i realized is that i shouldnt be upset. she is not in HER right mind and i have done alot of work to pull myself out of the depths of ptsd, bipolar, mpd, depression hole.

i feel that the crux of why many of us feel sometimes stuck in our respective illnesses is because we struggle to regain the control that was taken from us. one of the main reasons why i share my story is because it gives me back a bit of that control that i lost so many years ago. if people want to judge me because of my illness, i just shrug my shoulders--most of the time . i am not my illness nor am i my experiences.

it is so important to be an informed consumer. do as much research as you possibly can. it was so frustrating at the beginning stages, 10 yrs back when i was struggling to find out what was wrong with me and then to find the right cocktail of medication that brought some normalcy to my life. having a supportive husband and i good therapist was very key.

[darling1]

i jus thought i would post this as an option. this is a program that i found through my church and it has been beneficial so far. it is a safe and non-judgemental environment.



http://www.saddlebackchurch.com/celebraterecovery/

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by darling1

i jus thought i would post this as an option. this is a program that i found through my church and it has been beneficial so far. it is a safe and non-judgemental environment.



http://www.saddlebackchurch.com/celebraterecovery/

Looks awesome!!! How many people attend each of those sessions? How long have you all been doing these groups? Was it easy to set up in the beginning? I ask because I have not seen a lot of that up where I live and I was wondering why it has not been done.

I am sure the churches up here "in the community" have substance abuse groups, but they don't have co-dependent groups, etc.

[darling1]

i believe the general set-up is like this.

the evening is established like a normal church service.

1. fellowship/dinner
2. praise and worship
3. reciting of 12 steps to recovery
4. teaching or testimony
5. serenity prayer reading

if you are a first time guest you attend a 1:1 session with a small group leader. the next time you come, regardless of when that is, you can participate in a 1-2-3 discussion. men and women are separated. in these discussions, you talk about issues surrounding denial, powerlessness and hope. these are all acrostics that are all associated with specific issues and scripture reading. you then move to an open share format. during the weeks where there is a teaching, the open share groups discuss a question associated with the teaching. if you are ready, you can then move into a 12-step recovery group and that process lasts 1 year to 18 months.

all of this is voluntary and based upon your comfort level. the snall group leader is charged with ensuring that what is discussed in the room STAYS IN THE ROOM. cross talking isnt allowed, you cant even pass someone a tissue. the point here is that as this is a GOD-CENTERED process, the holy spirit must be allowed to come in and do the work to help you heal.

on average there may be 20-30 people total; maybe 3- 10 people in a small group, depending on circumstance. the pastors here are adamant about ensuring the sanctity of the process, so much that one evening one of the pastors came in and reminded our group leaders that they will be pulled from their groups if they abuse the rules.

i've been a part of this process for about 6 months now. it has not been easy. the first day i came and just listened. i didnt come back for several months, mainly because of hubby's schedule. but i put my foot down and since there was child care, it made it alot easier. at one point i was so angry. there were people there who were so joyful--drug addicts, folks with hiv, procrastinators, folks dealing with abuse. i could not understand and was angry that i havent had that joy.

i think that because the pastors were so committed to this program and to serving not just the church community but the OUTSIDE community, it was not hard at all. all you need is the space and willing hands.

we are a model for many celebrate recovery groups and i feel that at some point ours will become the standard. what is also a factor i think is the 'doctrine' that we follow. i attend a church of god and we have a wholistic approach to teaching, something that i personally have not seen. i have attended, episcopalian, ame, united methodist, baptist and cogic churches. my church models itself after rick warren's purpose driven life.

part of why it may not have been done could be based upon the beliefs of other denominations.

this probably more than you wanted to know..lol but i have been blessed by my church and this ministry. it has given me something to look forward to and has added a new dimension as i rediscover ways to maintain my mental health. ive been back on meds for a month now and i have come to reailze that with having children, i have neglected myself and the systems that were in place prior to me becoming a mom, do not work anymore. i have to create new sytems and really start looking to address the root of my stuff. if i profess to be a christian and if i am teaching my children to be good christians, my husband and i have to set the example. right now this is the best way i know.

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Looks awesome!!! How many people attend each of those sessions? How long have you all been doing these groups? Was it easy to set up in the beginning? I ask because I have not seen a lot of that up where I live and I was wondering why it has not been done.

I am sure the churches up here "in the community" have substance abuse groups, but they don't have co-dependent groups, etc.