Quote:
Originally Posted by Ideal08
I suffer from Clinical Depression, too. I have since the mid-1990's. I was recently diagnosed with Agoraphobia (w/o panic attacks; I've only had one). Afterwards, I realized that what I thought was "normal" wasn't. I didn't know everyone didn't get nervous for no reason. I didn't know everyone didn't have an escape plan no matter where they were. I still think this should be removed from the list of symptoms as to me it's necessary to know how to get out of somewhere should something happen; it's a safety issue. Just like not going into places that only have one entrance/exit. To me that's a safety issue and if something happens (fire, gunshot, etc) getting out would be *sigh* I get nervous just thinking about it. So some stuff I never mentioned to anyone cuz I thought it was as normal as getting chill bumps.
I am not always homebound, but I do isolate often. I have lost friends due to this because people don't understand that some things are beyond my control. Which is annoying in itself because I'm a control-freak.
We definitely don't talk about everything. I can't say that I'm willing to make myself completely vulnerable in that way because of my relationships that have been damaged in the past. So sometimes I just pretend that none of that mental health stuff exists, pray that the Almighty gives me strength and courage, I put on my mask, and I KIM. When I'm unable to even wear the mask (read: I'm not up to it cuz it's exhausting playing the "I'm Ok" game), I isolate. I think it totally scares my manfriend, so when he thinks I'm isolating, he will make sure to take me out somewhere. I'll go out with him because I feel "safe" with him.
It's hard because a lot of people who think they know me, really only know the mask. So when they learn of my "issues," they don't believe it (cuz I'd really make it up  ) because they've been fooled by my performances over the years. And I am a MASTER at the mask. Which is also on the list of descriptions of agoraphobics. I read books on the subject and it made me feel better to hear other people's experiences and healing. It's nice to know you're not alone in dealing with stuff. And it helps to finally understand the why behind your actions.
It's SO nice to be able to talk to someone who understands, though. I "talk" to a soror who totally understands and I am SO glad to have "met" her. Sorors truly are priceless. Because my blood sisters know about the depression, but they only know the surface. They worry too much to know the whole story.
I'm going to change the name of this thread... |
I dont know if this information is useful or relevant to you but it may help someone. About 3 years ago i was dianose with depression. I would cry for no reason and couldnt stop. My doctor prescribed paxcil. I was on it for about 6 months total. And when I saw no difference, she increased the dosage. Still no change, increased the dosage. Still no change so she referred me to some other doctor who prescribed different medicine in addition to the one she was giving me. What wound up happening was where I would have crying spells and had difficulty getting out of bed that grew to full blown anxiety attacks until i passed out along with general anxiety. One of the side effects of the medicine was increased anxiety. the side effect of the medicine was much much much worse than my initial problem.
I implore people to do research and trust their 'first mind' persuing medical remedies.
This thread has been quite painful to read but i am determined to finish it. Still not ready...
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