What teachers really want to tell parents.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by BetteDavisEyes

In my classroom, students earn incentives for good behavior, perfect attendance & returning homework completed for a certain number of weeks in a row. I have a class treasure box that the kids can choose a prize from when they've earned their rewards. Many times I've gotten angry emails, letters and calls from parents furious because their child did not get one of the prizes in my class. From Day 1, I have told parents what my expectations are. I went over them again during Back to School Night. I am rapidly learning that many parents want their snowflake to be the exception to my rules. I don't think so. They can complain and whine to the principal all they want but I'm not changing my rules and expecations for anyone.

These helicopter parents need to get a clue. They want their kid to earn rewards without actually doing the work needed to earn them in the first place.

I remember when I was in first grade, my teacher emphasized how important spelling was, and always tested us regarding this, even in small ways throughout the entire year. She told us on day 1 that there would be 4 major spelling tests over the course of the school year, and whoever received 100% would receive a special prize after each test.

I received 100% on 3 different occasions, and I remember the big prize that was offered twice was a stuffed animal in a balloon (which was pretty cool at the time!). As far as I know, there was never any issue with it.

I have many friends who are teachers now, and they tell me that they're afraid to praise the good kids and reward them with anything because of how parents will react. One of them gave out candy when students did well on a test, and supposedly a kid went home crying (after he got one of the lowesr scores in the class), and the mother requested to have a meeting, and proceeded to bitch out my friend, because she excluded the kids who didn't do well.

[rhoyaltempest]

We can go back and forth all day over who's at fault but I think we all know that the article is not talking about those parents that have some sense and have respect for teachers. And of course there are some "bad" teachers out there, but the article is talking about those parents (and unfortunately this group is growing more now than ever) who are out of control when it comes to their kids and have little to no respect for teachers. I have seen/heard it all and taught 13 years ago so things have been going down hill for a while (also I called parents on the phone; we didn't use email). From students being out of control and disrespecting teachers to parents trying to fight teachers without having any details. It has been out of control for a long time and it's getting worse. The children are getting worse to deal with and the parents are getting worse to deal with...see the connection? Where I taught, teachers spent much of their class time telling a child to sit down and shut up (not in those exact words) instead of teaching the day's lesson. The bottom line, no discipline at home coupled with parents who have little respect for teachers equals teachers having to be babysitters and disciplinarians all day. With the low pay (especially in school districts that need teachers urgently) and politics, more and more teachers are jumping ship now more than ever and this will continue unless we make some changes as a society.

[SWTXBelle]

Literally, I have 5 minutes before I head out the door to teach. Sweet irony . . .

Drole - While I could post everything I found to be hostile, I suspect that you would then disagree, and this could go on and on. It goes back to the whole "tone" thing in some cases - in others it goes back to the lack of respect given to teachers and their training, which leads me to . . .

Dr. Phil - While somewhat tongue in cheek, my comment about parents' perspective goes to the idea that it's an us/them situation. Most teachers I know are parents; most parents I know are not teachers. So teachers have an insight into the parents' position and roles that most parents do not have about teachers. The education I was speaking of was the education of teachers, not education in general. While you might question a doctor, you would not deny him/her the fact that he/she has devoted a great deal of time, money and effort into his profession. He/she is trained and has knowledge you do not. Why is it that you (and much of society) will not give teachers credit for their chosen profession? I too have spent much of my adult life learning to educate. It is an on-going process. The same people who will gleefully tell posters to "Stay in his/her lane!" if they start to discuss a subject in which they have no personal knowledge will have no problem assuming that teachers have no special insight, knowledge or training about education. The whole "every situation is different thing"? REALLY? Thanks for that insight. But we are talking in general terms about the things that are constant, not those that vary.

All I've advocated is a relationship of mutual respect; parents respect teachers and their profession, and teachers recognize that parents have a unique insight and knowledge about their children. If my advocating a non-adversarial relationship between parents and teachers as they partner to teach the student is wrong in your opinion, um, okay.

Off to teach Comp. 1301.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Ugh, teachers need to not diagnose. Making referrals, expressing concerns, reporting behavior/capabilities/etc are all fine, but diagnostic professionals need to diagnose. (Parents should do the same, notice behaviors, express concerns, even do research but not diagnose. And of course seek a second opinion if red flags are raised. It's just worse when the teacher as authority figure does it.)

I don't think he was comparing the teacher to a doctor in that sense...more that he was saying most people don't assume that drs or lawyers are going to be wrong (or they wouldn't be paying them). That a teacher is also a professional who knows their job and many people don't treat them as such.

[KSUViolet06]

Nobody responded to my question re: grad school heli-moms.

Like, I really want to know if anyone has actually witnessed it at the grad level. I'm appalled and intrigued at the same time. LOL.

The most involved my mom got in my grad school prep and experiences was helping me move into my apt.

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Ex: A friend of mine's daughter who had a teacher who labeled her as having autism and needing to be placed in the classroom with children with intensive special needs. It raised an eyebrow with her as the only delays the child had were speech related. She consulted some other specialists who tested her and determined that it was a hearing issue causing her not to speak. Not autism as the teacher strongly suggested.

The obvious thing here is that teachers are trained educators. They're not child psychiatrists. There is no way in Hades a teacher is qualified to make such a diagnosis. As a parent, it's good to trust a teacher who is making statements they are professionally qualified to make. Diagnosing autism or ADHD is not something taught in ed school.

ETA: Looks like y'all covered this. That'll teach me to reply to page 1 without reading the rest of the thread.

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Teacher - adult
student - child

Teachers can be wrong, but the odds of you being called in for something a teacher isn't 100% sure about are pretty slim - parental meetings are a major pain, requiring paperwork, dealing with the administration, not to mention the stress. 99% of teachers aren't going to go through the hassle if it isn't a serious problem, and if they don't know what they saw.

Oh - so because teachers are, on the whole, so lazy as to generally avoid such work, they should be given the benefit of the doubt in those rare occasions when the behavior catalyzes the teacher's actions, forcing them over the hump and making them actually perform the "major pain" you described?

See where we're going here? You're basically doing the same thing you accuse parents of doing, just in favor of the profession, rather than a child.

[KSig RC]

Also this thread is a cognitive dissonance factory - we are actually mass-producing, boxing, shipping, and then billing for CD. We might be able to supply the world with a year's worth if somebody uses the word "overpaid."

Teacher threads are the new race threads.

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Also, you want cookies for being both teacher and a parent? There's no way that your views as a parent are influenced by your role as a teacher, right?

No, I don't want a cookie. I would like recognition of the fact that yes, my parenting is influenced by the fact I'm a teacher and guess what? My teaching is influenced by the fact that I am a parent. In both cases, it is to the good. I don't have to pretend to walk a mile in a parent's shoes - I've DONE IT. I have sat on the other side of the table as the parent of 4, ranging from a certified genius to a special needs child. You bet your stale cookie that makes me more empathetic and knowledgeable about what that parent is going through. I know the nerves, tension, fear, desire to help and frustration that accompany having to meet with a teacher. I know the overwhelming love and support of a parent. I know the concern and desire to enable a child to succeed. It makes me a BETTER teacher; teaching makes me a BETTER parent. But you can just thank God you've never had to subject your children to the horror that would be having me as a teacher; praise Jesus you've never had to sit across the table from me as we tried to address your child's problems.

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

Oh - so because teachers are, on the whole, so lazy as to generally avoid such work, they should be given the benefit of the doubt in those rare occasions when the behavior catalyzes the teacher's actions, forcing them over the hump and making them actually perform the "major pain" you described?

See where we're going here? You're basically doing the same thing you accuse parents of doing, just in favor of the profession, rather than a child.

Oh, yes, that's exactly what I meant. Thank you for clarifying. Here I was thinking it was liable to be misinterpreted as pointing out that teacher's don't call meetings just to amuse themselves and to fill up all that spare time they have since they only work from 8 - 3, but you've summed it up nicely.

[ASUADPi]

I agree with the article.

I have been teaching for 7 years and everything the article stated, I have dealt with.

Unfortunately, it is the mentality of most of the parents I work with now that their little angel can do no wrong. I'm sorry their 6 years old. Yes, they can do wrong and yes, they will lie to not get in trouble. Accusing me of targeting your child (yes, I have been accused of that as well) is just plain asinine. I have more things to do in my workday than to focus on your kid and their craptastic behavior and therefore always target them.

Heck I just got an email this morning from a parent who essentially accused me of allowing another child to make fun of her son (mind you kid didn't tell me that he was being made fun of). I had to reiterate to mom that I CANNOT do anything if I am not told! Mom, quickly changed her tune.

IMPO, unless you are in the profession, you can't truly understand what a teacher has to put up with day in and day out. Again, that is just my personal opinion.

As for diagnosing, we can't diagnose. Hell, we can't even hint at what we think is wrong. If I went to parent and said "I think Johnny is ADHD, you should take him to the doctor", mom can come back and make the district (or me) pay for the doctor treatments because I "diagnosed" her kid. I know for myself, I'm not taking that chance. I've got a kid right now who I know is ADHD, I am documenting, documenting, documenting. I will then approach the nurse and the guidance counselor on how to approach mom with my concerns. I may know that the kid is ADHD, but I cannot legally diagnose the kid as ADHD (if that makes any sense).

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I did not say that every situation is different so find another reason to try to be a smartass.

You are stuck in what you feel and what you have to say. That proves my point even more.

I stand corrected - you did not say every situation is different: you said

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Due to the no one-size-fits-all statement that I made previously,

So please - instead of "every situation is different" insert "no one-size-fits-all". Whew! Glad to clarify THAT.

And as to being "stuck" - I've decided that you are determined to misconstrue anything I write, so I'll just bow to the inevitable and say I apologize in 12 different positions for thinking that my 20+ years as a parent and as an educator gave me any special insight to what may have prompted the article or how to improve parent/teacher communication.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Nobody responded to my question re: grad school heli-moms.

Like, I really want to know if anyone has actually witnessed it at the grad level. I'm appalled and intrigued at the same time. LOL.

The most involved my mom got in my grad school prep and experiences was helping me move into my apt.

My dad tried to heli-parent me when I was in grad school. Thank God my mom was still alive and told him to cut that shit out. Also thank God I was raised by my mom and I told him to cut that shit out, too.

What's weird is he never did it in any of my other schooling. Like, not even once. Weirder is he was an elementary school principal and dealt with heli-parents on a daily basis, and knew how annoying they could be.

No joke, he offered to call the registrar for me. "Uh, thanks Dad, but I think I got this. You know, since I'm paying for it myself, I should probably be the one to call them."

[katydidKD]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

No, I don't want a cookie. I would like recognition of the fact that yes, my parenting is influenced by the fact I'm a teacher and guess what? My teaching is influenced by the fact that I am a parent. In both cases, it is to the good. I don't have to pretend to walk a mile in a parent's shoes - I've DONE IT. I have sat on the other side of the table as the parent of 4, ranging from a certified genius to a special needs child. You bet your stale cookie that makes me more empathetic and knowledgeable about what that parent is going through. I know the nerves, tension, fear, desire to help and frustration that accompany having to meet with a teacher. I know the overwhelming love and support of a parent. I know the concern and desire to enable a child to succeed. It makes me a BETTER teacher; teaching makes me a BETTER parent. But you can just thank God you've never had to subject your children to the horror that would be having me as a teacher; praise Jesus you've never had to sit across the table from me as we tried to address your child's problems.

this is why i said "im not going to argue" when DF tried to start shit with me. some people are just determined to bitch. not worth pleasing them.

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Oh, yes, that's exactly what I meant. Thank you for clarifying. Here I was thinking it was liable to be misinterpreted as pointing out that teacher's don't call meetings just to amuse themselves and to fill up all that spare time they have since they only work from 8 - 3, but you've summed it up nicely.

Nobody claimed teachers call meetings to amuse themselves - you're fighting strawmen like they're on top of a hill at Normandy.

Think about what you've said, though:

1 - Parents who think Little Johnny is perfect, or close to it, are wildly overrating their child and make it difficult to get anything done.

2 - Teachers should be considered 99% (or more!) accurate (meaning perfect, or close to it) with their observations and analysis of child behavior, because after all, who wants to hold meetings?

Oh.