What teachers really want to tell parents.
 

From CNN:

http://www.cnn.com/2011/09/06/living...-tell-parents/

Interesting and just wanted to share (because I know there are lots of parents/teachers on GC.)

I totally agree. I am a former teacher.

I am a teacher.

I approve this message.

Former teacher as well and this article is very accurate.

I was a successful teacher, but got out after a few years. I love teaching and miss it. To this day I still have dreams about teaching and being in the classroom. I think of former students and classes regularly. But I was sick of school. Being a teacher is no longer about teaching. It is about everything else that gets labeled school.

The schools will not change until our culture changes and parents understand what it means to be parents. There is no way the entire system can change on the backs of the teachers.

I don't mean to sound like the voice of doom, but I have very little hope for our schools.

BTW... We are homeschooling our daughter.

I'm totally with teachers for the most part, but this article went a little too far. According to the article, when a kid tells the parent about something rotten the teacher did, the parent should remember there's two sides to every story. But when the teacher reports a student's misbehavior, parents should be satisfied with hearing just one side.

Damn straight I'm asking my kid if a teacher's accusation is correct. Maybe his side of the story will shed some light on the context. Or maybe it won't, but I need to hear it. Teachers can be wrong.

Exactly. Teachers can be wrong even when the child did something wrong.

Also, my public school education taught me that in the midst of the awesome teachers (and principals) there are some jacked up teachers (and principals). Teachers are not your child's babysitters which also means that they are not the primary disciplinarian and adult in the child's life. What the teachers say and do should never go unchallenged if a problem arises. An involved parent will pay attention and make sure the kid does the right thing more often than not. As the article said, children are not and should not be perfect so there will be the occasional issue. Anything more than occasional and your child (and/or the teachers and the school) has a concern.

Teacher - adult
student - child

Teachers can be wrong, but the odds of you being called in for something a teacher isn't 100% sure about are pretty slim - parental meetings are a major pain, requiring paperwork, dealing with the administration, not to mention the stress. 99% of teachers aren't going to go through the hassle if it isn't a serious problem, and if they don't know what they saw. You as a parent should have already talked to your child about the incident/behavior before you go into the meeting. If you were meeting with me, your child would not be at the meeting. Parents need to partner with teachers, not regard them as the enemy.

The problem isn't parents who listen to their children and come in willing to hear the teacher; the problem is the parents who will not even entertain the idea that their little snowflake could do anything wrong. The problem is parents who come in openly hostile. You think our pretty princess entitled pnms come out of nowhere? Those apples aren't falling far from the trees.

Teaching college has definite advantages to teaching middle school.

eta - I'm not only a teacher; I'm a parent. Just today I wrote my youngest son's teacher on this, the first day of school, to alert him to certain behaviors that might be a problem and to let him know how we have been working with him this summer. THAT is partnering. I know my youngest is not perfect. But I'm his first teacher, and I want to WORK with his teachers to enable him to become the young man I know he can be. I welcome their input. Last year, when my other son reported a very troublesome incident at the school, I wrote the teacher, had a meeting, and very quickly figured out, working with him, what had happened and how my son had misinterpreted what had been said. The teachers know I regard them as allies. They know I'm not going to go off half-cocked based on something an 8 year old thinks he might have heard.

Teachers and principals called parents when I was in middle school and high school. They now email parents. Meaning, in many school systems, parental meetings are not the primary way that parents are notified of student failure to complete assignments and misbehavior. It is sometimes the case that the parents are the ones who request an in-person meeting.

People need to remember that school systems differ, teachers differ, parents differ, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to this. The general message remains the same but the details will vary.

Oh, I prefer e-mail because you have a written record. The problem is one we have here on GreekChat - tone. It can be very difficult to write in a non-confrontational tone. I spent a great deal of time framing e-mails because of that. Some parents didn't - but at least I had a record of what actually transpired. Taping meetings is not a bad idea, because there are parents who will absolutely lie about what you said. Not many, but enough to make it worth your while to cya. And THAT is one reason so many great teachers are leaving - so much of our time is spent playing cya, instead of doing things that would directly impact the students.

I would also add - if you are not sure about the details, ASK. Also, it's nice if the parent will acknowledge the behavior is wrong. Parent - "Throwing things and not obeying the teacher is unacceptable. Is there any particular time when he throws things, or is he throwing them at someone?" - Teacher - "He does it towards the end of class and he throws them at Billy." Parent - "I will speak to him and make sure he understands he is not to throw anything. He did tell me he finishes his projects early - maybe if he can be given some clean-up duties to help you, or an extra project that will keep him busy. Can you move him so he will not be sitting near Billy?"

THAT is an example of a parent/teacher working together to resolve a problem. Parents do have a unique knowledge of their children which if they share with the teacher might well lead to a peaceful resolution. A good teacher isn't going to just go "Your student is BAD. Make him/her behave". A good teacher is going to try and figure out WHY the student is misbehaving, HOW the student can be directed to making better choices. and how the parents can work with him/her. Teachers want children to succeed. Sometimes that fact gets missed by parents.

This is what we were responding to:

I disagree with this.

I also partially disagree with:

This teacher needs to remember that he/she is talking to adults and not to children. And some of the parents that he/she is talking to are also educators/teachers/professors. In that sense, it is absolutely fine to respectfully disagree, have an actual discussion, or request clarification. It is the same thing that I would do with an attorney and a doctor, especially if I am familiar with the topic. Again, that is what adults do.

"Digesting it" and "consider" does not equal take without question. I think the article is addressing those parents who reject it out of hand. "MY son would never throw anything! You are the teacher; you take care of it. That's why I pay you." (Actual quote from a parent.)

And I doubt that if the doctor gave you an opinion you would turn to the nurse and say "Is that true?". There's a big difference between challenging a teacher's veracity and asking for clarification. Once you have essentially called the teacher a liar it is going to be very difficult to have an "actual discussion".

Yes, you as a parent should question. Yes, you should bring your knowledge and experience to the table. But this is not a society that values teachers, and that is often shown by the dismissive tone some parents will employ. Tone, tone, tone. Show the teacher respect - the teacher should do the same.

Agree. Agree. Agree. Marry me? ;)


When parents are open to discussing with me the areas of concern I have, then we can have open dialogue to survey and hopefully address (fix) the situation. It's difficult when parents come in openly hostile and aggressive because they feel I am picking on their precious snowflake. Apparently, I am being excessively difficult and demanding when I expect my students to keep their shoes on, not hit, not bite, not fight, clean up after themselves, etc. I had one parent actually complain about me saying I was unreasonable with my expectations of student behavior.