Playas till the day we die...

[ChanelLover]

Originally Posted by mulattogyrl

Wow. Just...wow.

I agree with you!! I'll just keep my comments to myself, it's quite obvious that I was taught differently about the roles of men and women.

[357Nupe]

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

That worked for them however my parents did everything equally so in essence they were both head of the household. They were married for 62 years and seperated by his death. My issue is that men expect women to be strong yet subservient and LET them be in charge. Why cant both be in charge? I can not and will not let someone, esp. a man tell me how, what, when, why, where... and expect me to just go along. That's me. I will hurt a mans EGO (because that's what it really about) in a second and not think twice if he tries to "put me in my place". I've done it before and have NO problems doing it agin. My life is by MY terms and no one elses.

I find it funny that people want to add God and remove God as they feel it necessary. I never said roles according to the bible, you assumed and you know what you do when you a$$ u not me. The roles I am referring to are natural and of course that generally agrees with the bible since it is the essence of nature.

Why do you find it hard to give up control? Your problem is not with marriage, men or religion it is with some words that you have given control of your life. My wife give me control but with the gift she gave me I returned the gift of control to her. I am the head of my house but only because my wife allows it, she still does everything she wants and never ask for permission. Hell I ask to go out, she leaves and calls back to say I will be in later, bossy a$$ AKA's.

Your assumpition is based on perception and yours my dear is flawed. Roles are a part of life when you got your job you got a role, when your were born into your family you got a role, what makes you think that stops when you get married. I hope that when your mate finds you he uses the right words for your sake.

As for you hurting a mans ego, maybe you confused a boy for a man. You can hurt a mans feelings and physical body but his ego should be Diamond encrusted.

[Dionysus]

This some bull, I finna go lesbian....all the way.

[Live_Wire17]

Marquise, this is a good question. I will just say that my husband and I (who IS a Nupe) have been friends for many years. When we were done with our "single" ways and ready to be serious we did the damn thing and got married. I have always known that he was my sole mate but I was not always willing to accept the idea. I had to grow as a woman and he as a man for us to make a serious commitment. You have to take your time and be sure because marriage is serious. We both realized that and that was that. On another note, we have a lot of friends that are married and that is pretty much who we surround ourselves with because those are the people whom we have things in common.

We have fun together and apart. We know our roles and we respect each other's individuality because it is important to remember who you are.

Aside from popular belief, marriage can be fun. It is work but it is also well worth it when you have someone who you KNOW for a fact has your back. I love being married...plus my hubby is "fine as hell" so you know that can't hurt either.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by NinjaPoodle

ETA:
I should clarify that I see control issues with a person who need to run everything. They feel like they need to be validated by being the one in control. Man or woman

Soror, would it be the same thing if your children were adult, and they offered to take care of you?



Interesting that you think this(bolded text).
I'm SUPER picky also and what I find is that men that I have dissmissed (because essentially that's what I did) couldnt step up to the plate. I found that their egos were so fragile, and they were so worried about what their friends would say about their "manhood" and not focus on the actual relationship, that they never had sight of what was really important. To me, they were weak.

I could care less what my friends think. I think a man that's content with his woman runnin' the show, is a weak man, and she's stupid as hell for taking care of his lazy no good a$$.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

This some bull, I finna go lesbian....all the way.

LOL!

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by 357Nupe

I find it funny that people want to add God and remove God as they feel it necessary. I never said roles according to the bible, you assumed and you know what you do when you a$$ u not me. The roles I am referring to are natural and of course that generally agrees with the bible since it is the essence of nature.

Natural to you. Not me

Why do you find it hard to give up control?

Because I don't have to And neither should he.

Your problem is not with marriage, men or religion, it is with some words that you have given control of your life. My wife give me control but with the gift she gave me I returned the gift of control to her. I am the head of my house but only because my wife allows it, she still does everything she wants and never ask for permission. Hell I ask to go out, she leaves and calls back to say I will be in later, bossy a$$ AKA's.

My idea of marriage is not the same as yours (obviously) To me, it's not about control but being equal to each other. No one controls me but me. No problem.

Your assumption is based on perception and yours my dear is flawed. Roles are a part of life when you got your job you got a role, when your were born into your family you got a role, what makes you think that stops when you get married. I hope that when your mate finds you he uses the right words for your sake.

Flawed by whose standard? I agree roles are a part of life, some born into, some given, some by choice. My life, truly about choices. At the root of it all, I chose not to be married right now.

As for you hurting a mans ego, maybe you confused a boy for a man. You can hurt a mans feelings and physical body but his ego should be Diamond encrusted.

Maybe I did and maybe I didn't, I still hurt their feelings.
Why are you guys getting so puffed up? 357Nupe, you're married so what difference does it make for you?

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I could care less what my friends think. I think a man that's content with his woman runnin' the show, is a weak man, and she's stupid as hell for taking care of his lazy no good a$$.

Well, at least we agree on something!

[357Nupe]

Flawed by whose standard? I agree roles are a part of life, some born into, some given, some by choice. My life, truly about choices. At the root of it all, I chose not to be married right now.

I can respect your choice.



Maybe I did and maybe I didn't, I still hurt their feelings.
Why are you guys getting so puffed up? 357Nupe, you're married so what difference does it make for you?[/quote]

Maybe your choices are just finding you the wrong man(boy) but from what I have read in this thread when the right MAN finds you, all your control, and 50/50 stuff will not matter you two will compliment each other to the point that the struggle for power will end and the one mindedness of love will set in and you will find yourself in the role you and your husband agree is best for the your family. (Damn I think I just said something deep but I could be wrong, nope my wife said that was a good one)
No one is getting puffed up, I thought we were having a disscusion, which involves a back and forth exchange of ideas. But if someone is getting puffed up, maybe this will prove to some women that men are not just looking for sex, but we also have a depth of emotions that women might want to tap into.

Also it makes a difference to me because what we are talking about is how relationships are affecting black people and weather married or single that is something that I will always chime in on.

[neosoul]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

This some bull, I finna go lesbian....all the way.

the same power struggle exist in ALL relationships regardless of orientation...

[OneTimeSBX]

whoo lord, i went home last night and called my DADDY about this thread.
i explained the several differing views on here, and this is what he had to say...

the biblical stand point is this. the definition in the bible of a wife being submissive includes him heading the household and making THE BEST CHRISTIAN DECISIONS, and also dying for his wife. now, going by that definition, a lot of christian women wouldnt mind that set up. my dad said that he never does anything without my mom's input. ever. BUT there come times when he backs down because he knows how she feels, and vice versa. this all depends on one key element: A GOOD CHRISTIAN MAN.

Daddy also agreed with what i said earlier in this thread: part of heading a household (or as PrettyBoy compared it to a company) is prepping a substitute or successor. Dad may run the house, but mom can step up as well, ive seen her do it many times if he was away for work. in this case, he feels comfortable letting her do her thing without interfering in certain areas.

ALSO...he said that YES a lot of men take advantage of this role. men who dont even go to church feel that they should head a household in a biblical sense. in this case (not that they are bad husbands) he said he would be reluctant to be anything less than equals with him. Submission is probably where a lot of us women have the problem...the word sounds domineering. in the right situation, it truly is a walk together with a "speaker of the house" if you will.

BlueReign: i hope you find that prince! you deserve a break mama!

PrettyBoy: i respect your honesty on this thread...it has given me a lot to think about as far as my relationship goes, so whatever works for you, keep it up!

NinjaPoodle: giiiirl, i feel you on so many levels. it is definately refreshing to see women who can hold their own. if you feel certain parts dont affect you, then do you! my daddy said just to make sure you are equally yolked...i hope you find that man who is so on point, you can sit back and enjoy the ride!!

Dionysus: i think you found the solution. there wont be a power struggle if us women all get girlfriends!

[Senusret I]

Wow...... I'm glad I stay out of the heterocentric threads..... y'all be having voodoo curses and everything up and through here!

[nonchalant]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

This some bull, I finna go lesbian....all the way.

You lint licker!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEJJUGJZxpU

Anyhow, I think a lot of people are single because they want relationships to be a walk in the park when in fact they are not. They don't want any struggle, hardships, or trials and tribulations, which I feel makes relationships stronger. People don't want to get their feelings hurt, and they probably feel better off just being single. Therefore, when something goes wrong, they are not obligated to stay. Every time I start to get to know someone, something just ain't right. There are things I can accommodate to, but I will never settle and stray away from my standards. Frankly, I'm tired of dating. However, I must go on and find my soulmate. As soon as you think you have the perfect man, you find out the a$$hole is a crackhead. WTF am I supposed to do? Watch him snort his life away? Oh sh!t, I think I just took this to a personal level.

[pinkies up]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

Wow...... I'm glad I stay out of the heterocentric threads..... y'all be having voodoo curses and everything up and through here!

Dayum.

I think the point that everyone needs to remember is that you must first LOVE YOURSELF!!! Be your own best friend, provider, etc. When you are ready to be in a relationship, then all of these things will help you when you are with someone else. Both parties have to learn from one another and respect one another. It's a mutual thing. Everyone will not fit a mold of how to work your relationship and the key is finding what works for the both of you.

Like I have stated over and over, I did not wake up with the idea of being "led" by my husband. He had to prove that I could trust him and he did that with ACTIONS and not WORDS.
To each is own and the goal is for everyone to find their soul mate.

[1908Revelations]

Originally Posted by jubilance1922

I was wondering when that word was gonna come up.

I'll just say that men say "I want a woman who is willing submit and let me lead". Well, women can't walk around submitting to every random man, you've got to prove that you are worth her submitting to you. You've got to prove that you have both of your best interests at heart.

I agree!

Originally Posted by 357Nupe

bossy a$$ AKA's.

Say what!