Resigning/Disaffiliating... Help!!

gagirl90 · #1 03-11-2010, 01:25 AM

Hey yall!
I have a question about resigning from my national GLO and would love your insight especially if you have been through the same thing.

I rushed last year (as a freshman, and we have deferred rush) and pledged a house that seemed like really chill girls. Now all anyone cares about is becoming more top tier (to be honest we're one of the less popular houses on campus but still have great girls and meet quota) and portraying this Suzie sorority overachiever stereotype, which is so not me. Yes I have a great resume, but I don't need to flaunt it! I feel ostracized the majority of the time for not fitting in well with the girls in the house and feel like a black sheep. I am also unpopular with our exec board and standards board because I am THAT girl who is not intimidated by their authority and will defend myself when necessary.

Because of certain events and prior sentiments, I have considered resigning and would love insight into this situation from anyone, especially if you have been through anything similar. I know these girls are not healthy for my self esteem or mental health (I have been depressed from incidents in my sorority and have sought therapy to talk about the way sisters are treating me) but I am scared to be an independent at a greek-heavy sec school - I don't want to feel left out. Also I always wanted to be part of an alum group when I'm older..
Please help! Tell me about the decisions you made and how they worked out.
Thanks everyone!

Ggirl617 · #2 03-11-2010, 01:34 AM

I would see if you can maybe get your and your sisters intentions and aspirations to potentially align. When you say they are all about becoming top tier, think about that. Aren't the aspects of a top tier group positive? Involved in campus, outstanding philanthropy hours and top fundraising, great parties and fraternity relations AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, chill great girls! I do not know the details of the situation concerning the accusations against you but I would worry about clearing that up before you decide to do anything. If you have not done anything wrong, you need to clear your name ASAP. After that I would focus on the first part of my post. It seems the other girls are trying to improve the chapter (not saying there is anything wrong just reiterating what you have said) and why wouldn't that be a good thing in your eyes? Just my opinion

KSUViolet06 · #3 03-11-2010, 01:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gagirl90

Hey yall!
I have a question about resigning from my national GLO and would love your insight especially if you have been through the same thing.

I rushed last year (as a freshman, and we have deferred rush) and pledged a house that seemed like really chill girls. Now all anyone cares about is becoming more top tier (to be honest we're one of the less popular houses on campus but still have great girls and meet quota) and portraying this Suzie sorority overachiever stereotype, which is so not me. Yes I have a great resume, but I don't need to flaunt it! I feel ostracized the majority of the time for not fitting in well with the girls in the house and feel like a black sheep. I am also unpopular with our exec board and standards board because I am THAT girl who will speak up when something isn't right and I am not intimidated by their authority and will defend myself when necessary.
Recently, I have been accused of some illegal activities that I did NOT do, yet our standards board has seen it fit to put my membership under question and watch me like big brother despite my denial. Forget looking for evidence, I have seen that they will turn on me in a second from one rumor! Worst: the girls were not even concerned for my wellbeing or health if the rumor were true, they only cared about the negative image I seem to portray on them (lets forget for a second how devastated I might be about my reputation, no need to comfort me like sisters). Furthermore, according to our bylaws, if I were not in letters, at an XYZ event or otherwise blatantly representing the chapter, I cannot be punished by standards for my actions. Even if the allegations were true, my sisters were wrong for taking disciplinary actions!
Because of this event and prior sentiments, I have considered resigning and would love insight into this situation from anyone, especially if you have been through anything similar. I know these girls are not healthy for my self esteem or mental health (I have been through awful depression from incidents in my sorority and have sought therapy) but I am scared to be an independent at a greek-heavy sec school - I don't want to feel left out. Also I always wanted to be part of an alum group when I'm older..
Please help! Tell me about the decisions you made and how they worked out.
Thanks everyone!

My opinion: Talk to someone you can trust regarding the situation.

Alot of times, people come to the internet already KNOWING what they want to do, and looking for validation of their decisions (ex: looking for us to be like "OMG your sisters are sooooo mean.")

We aren't going to do that. You need to make the decision for yourself.

gagirl90 · #4 03-11-2010, 01:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

My opinion: Talk to someone you can trust regarding the situation.

Alot of times, people come to the internet already KNOWING what they want to do, and looking for validation of their decisions (ex: looking for us to be like "OMG your sisters are sooooo mean.")

We aren't going to do that. You need to make the decision for yourself.

Right, thanks so much
I was more looking for advice from someone who has been through something similar and thoughts/regrets/positive outcomes of their decisions.

And the last post about reevaluating becoming "top tier" really helped. It just seems like people lose sight of what is important in that.

gagirl90 · #5 03-11-2010, 01:46 AM

No I see where you are coming from, and my motto for recruitment is to strive to find girls that make me want to be a better version of myself (oh and hunting for a little! lol)
But when I say obsessed with being top tier, I overheard so many girls talking sh*t about other girls based on looks/popularity/etc. There were many comments on ranking cards (I don't think this recruitment info is too top secret lol) about looks and who hangs out where. Littereally, one girl came up to me before a round and said "OMG the girl you have hangs with guys in XYZ frat. Make her want us" (Naturally we did not get along and she pledged the right glo for her instead of me trying to lie about reasons she should join us) And as for the overachieving thing, no one pushes us to improve ourselves- it's all about the friggin image!
That is what I can't stand, that people care more about reputation than sisterhood. And I go to a cutthroat SEC school with the rich and gorgeous- "top tier" is about the frats you mix with and the labels on your clothes
However yes I do admire the prominent student org leaders and community service leaders in our house. I just wish that could be the focus instead of this cookie cutter "good involved girl" image. Just because I don't walk around with my resume on my shirt doesn't mean I'm not an asset, and just because I stand up for myself doesn't mean I should be treated like I'm not wanted.
Should I go to nationals about this or something??

KSUViolet06 · #6 03-11-2010, 01:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gagirl90

No I see where you are coming from, and my motto for recruitment is to strive to find girls that make me want to be a better version of myself (oh and hunting for a little! lol)
But when I say obsessed with being top tier, I overheard so many girls talking sh*t about other girls based on looks/popularity/etc. There were many comments on ranking cards (I don't think this recruitment info is too top secret lol) about looks and who hangs out where. Littereally, one girl came up to me before a round and said "OMG the girl you have hangs with guys in XYZ frat. Make her want us" (Naturally we did not get along and she pledged the right glo for her instead of me trying to lie about reasons she should join us) And as for the overachieving thing, no one pushes us to improve ourselves- it's all about the friggin image!
That is what I can't stand, that people care more about reputation than sisterhood. And I go to a cutthroat SEC school with the rich and gorgeous- "top tier" is about the frats you mix with and the labels on your clothes
but yes I do admire the student body president and community service leaders in our house. I just wish that could be the focus instead of this cookie cutter "good involved girl" image. Just because I don't walk around with my resume on my shirt doesn't mean I'm not an asset, and just because I stand up for myself doesn't mean I should be treated like I'm not wanted.
Should I go to nationals about this or something??

You go to an SEC school. Typically, there chapters at those schools are quite large.

I find it hard to believe that you cannot find one or 2 girls you can trust to discuss your feelings.

I'm sorry, but coming here and talking badly about them and making them sound like image obsessed freaks doesn't make you look better.

gagirl90 · #7 03-11-2010, 02:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

You go to an SEC school. Typically, there chapters at those schools are quite large.

I find it hard to believe that you cannot find one or 2 girls you can trust to discuss your feelings.

I'm sorry, but coming here and talking badly about them and making them sound like image obsessed freaks doesn't make you look better.

I'm not trying to do that. I don't think they're freaks. I do think they are more concerned with image than I am, and have different priorities than I about their college experience. I'm not trying to bash them but to ask for advice on people's experience disaffiliating, I should give background.
Considering most of my friends are nongreek, and I am the only Greek in my family, it is hard to find an unbiased but informed opinion. And like I said, the girls I am closest with are the graduating seniors (who should have no effect on my choice since they'll be gone) or a few girls in my PC that are not very involved (Our chapter is only about 150 total since our quota is usually btwn 40-50, we have deferred rush, and a fair amount of girls drop, compared to others) I also find this inappropriate to discuss with my little or the other freshman I am close with- what a load to bear right after being initiated!!!
I'm sorry, maybe we have different opinions about how I should ask for advice but I discovered this board and thought it would be useful. Maybe you aren't the right person to answer this, though I appreciate your input. Hopefully someone who can relate to the scenario will stumble upon this.
Thanks anyways for your help so far!

als463 · #8 03-11-2010, 02:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gagirl90

I'm not trying to do that. I don't think they're freaks. I do think they are more concerned with image than I am, and have different priorities than I about their college experience. I'm not trying to bash them but to ask for advice on people's experience disaffiliating, I should give background.
Considering most of my friends are nongreek, and I am the only Greek in my family, it is hard to find an unbiased but informed opinion. And like I said, the girls I am closest with are the graduating seniors (who should have no effect on my choice since they'll be gone) or a few girls in my PC that are not very involved (Our chapter is only about 150 total since our quota is usually btwn 40-50, we have deferred rush, and a fair amount of girls drop, compared to others) I also find this inappropriate to discuss with my little or the other freshman I am close with- what a load to bear right after being initiated!!!
I'm sorry, maybe we have different opinions about how I should ask for advice but I discovered this board and thought it would be useful. Maybe you aren't the right person to answer this, though I appreciate your input. Hopefully someone who can relate to the scenario will stumble upon this.
Thanks anyways for your help so far!

You realize that by saying you attend an SEC school, with the name GA girl, and talking about respecting the Student Body President in your chapter, even though you aren't a "top tier" chapter on campus, it took me seconds to know what school and what sorority. I'm horrible at these types of searches (compared to other seasoned GCers) and I have to say that by giving out information about yourself, you will be lucky if the ladies in your chapter find out who you are and get upset that you blasted their dirty laundry on Greek Chat. You totally put your chapter on blast. Discretion is key.

You should consider yourself blessed to be a member of an NPC at an SEC school (or any school, for that matter). If you think you are above these girls and don't want to stay, don't stay. They took a chance on you and now you are ready to drop them. Wow! So much for sisterhood.

And for the record, your chapter may not be top on your campus, but I am here to tell you that it is a great sorority. Have some allegiance to the women who gave you a bid.

VandalSquirrel · #9 03-11-2010, 02:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by als463

You realize that by saying you attend an SEC school, with the name GA girl, and talking about respecting the Student Body President in your chapter, even though you aren't a "top tier" chapter on campus, it took me seconds to know what school and what sorority. I'm horrible at these types of searches (compared to other seasoned GCers) and I have to say that by giving out information about yourself, you will be lucky if the ladies in your chapter find out who you are and get upset that you blasted their dirty laundry on Greek Chat. You totally put your chapter on blast. Discretion is key.

You should consider yourself blessed to be a member of an NPC at an SEC school (or any school, for that matter). If you think you are above these girls and don't want to stay, don't stay. They took a chance on you and now you are ready to drop them. Wow! So much for sisterhood.

And for the record, your chapter may not be top on your campus, but I am here to tell you that it is a great sorority. Have some allegiance to the women who gave you a bid.

The only SEC school in Georgia doesn't do deferred recruitment, so she isn't being that obvious. Also she didn't say Student Body president, but members of student government, and there are lots of those from all kinds of groups. If it is like my school that could be the person who is on a committee to bring musical acts and one of 100 people, and there is a full Greek representation.

gagril90-
You mentioned having some emotional issues, and you've sought help. Keep doing that with professionals and don't take it personally if your sisters don't get as involved as you expect them to. Sometimes people really don't see another needs help, can't emotionally deal with it, or have the same issue and helping you makes them face it. It isn't that sisters cannot be supportive and a great resource, but use the campus professionals like the health and counseling center and I commend you for admitting you have issues and that you've gotten help. Many people are in denial or refuse to do something about it and you've done the hardest part. Maybe taking care of "you" will help you see the perspective of your chapter and you'll learn a better way to address issues or get to the heart of the matter.

33girl · #10 03-11-2010, 02:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gagirl90

Should I go to nationals about this or something??

No. The only way they could see what you say is happening is if they come there and live in the house undercover or something. They're not going to come down on a chapter that is looking good on paper because of one dissenter, especially if the chapter has been kind of on the bottom in the past. To be fair, they've probably been getting hammered with the whole "lower tier" label from all sides for ages (as in 10+ years) and are just deciding to fight fire with fire. When you do that, sometimes it takes a while before you can reconcile your emotions and values with your actions.

It honestly sounds like if you had joined a sorority at a small college with a small Greek system you'd be having a wonderful time. However, you choose your college for academics first and the Greek system, well, you get what you get.

Sit down and make a pro and con list of staying in or self-terminating - include things like costs, living situation, etc. If one side's longer than the other, and you STILL want to do the opposite - that's your heart talking. Listen to it. Good luck

gagirl90 · #11 03-11-2010, 02:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

No. The only way they could see what you say is happening is if they come there and live in the house undercover or something. They're not going to come down on a chapter that is looking good on paper because of one dissenter, especially if the chapter has been kind of on the bottom in the past. To be fair, they've probably been getting hammered with the whole "lower tier" label from all sides for ages (as in 10+ years) and are just deciding to fight fire with fire. When you do that, sometimes it takes a while before you can reconcile your emotions and values with your actions.

It honestly sounds like if you had joined a sorority at a small college with a small Greek system you'd be having a wonderful time. However, you choose your college for academics first and the Greek system, well, you get what you get.

Sit down and make a pro and con list of staying in or self-terminating - include things like costs, living situation, etc. If one side's longer than the other, and you STILL want to do the opposite - that's your heart talking. Listen to it. Good luck

This is great advice! Thanks! I will do that and hope the right choice comes out... I think just from going through things in my head I already know what I'll end up doing..

Barbie's_Rush · #12 03-11-2010, 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gagirl90

No I see where you are coming from, and my motto for recruitment is to strive to find girls that make me want to be a better version of myself (oh and hunting for a little! lol)
But when I say obsessed with being top tier, I overheard so many girls talking sh*t about other girls based on looks/popularity/etc. There were many comments on ranking cards (I don't think this recruitment info is too top secret lol) about looks and who hangs out where. Littereally, one girl came up to me before a round and said "OMG the girl you have hangs with guys in XYZ frat. Make her want us" (Naturally we did not get along and she pledged the right glo for her instead of me trying to lie about reasons she should join us) And as for the overachieving thing, no one pushes us to improve ourselves- it's all about the friggin image!
That is what I can't stand, that people care more about reputation than sisterhood. And I go to a cutthroat SEC school with the rich and gorgeous- "top tier" is about the frats you mix with and the labels on your clothes
However yes I do admire the prominent student org leaders and community service leaders in our house. I just wish that could be the focus instead of this cookie cutter "good involved girl" image. Just because I don't walk around with my resume on my shirt doesn't mean I'm not an asset, and just because I stand up for myself doesn't mean I should be treated like I'm not wanted.
Should I go to nationals about this or something??

By all means. That will certainly make things so much better for you with your sisters.

Look, you're miserable. You don't fit in with the culture of this chapter. Things aren't going to get better from your perspective. You're in school for an education, the social experience provided by a sorority is secondary. I think you already know what you need to do. So just quit already, move on and stop thrashing your sisters in public like this, because it's only going to make things much worse for you in the long run.

DDDlady · #13 03-11-2010, 03:24 AM

There really is no need to be defensive and lash out at KSUviolet06. I don't think she was trying to be a jerk. With that said, what did you expect people to say when you come on a public forum and post very personal information about your friends and your chapter? If you are that upset about being in your chapter, talk to a parent or someone close to you. Don't go to strangers with your problems. We are are neither knowledgeable enough about your situation or qualified to give you any substantial guidance about whether you should resign or not.

gagirl90 · #14 03-11-2010, 03:29 AM

Vandal Squirrel, thank you for all of your advice- I think it's great.
And I would like to say one last time, that I just want to hear the POV of someone who has or is considering deactivating since none of my friends/ family can relate, and I have already spoken with my 2 close friends in XYZ. I thought posts from others who have been through this could be helpful since I have no access to that at home. That's it, please and thank you. I'll get back on to check for that, but to the rest of yall, we are just wasting eachother's time.

Leslie Anne · #15 03-11-2010, 03:38 AM

Since you're looking for someone with a similar situation for feedback, I'll offer you mine. There was a time in my collegiate years when I felt that the members of my sorority and I had different values. I was also upset about something that was going on and the attitude the sisters had towards it.

Like you, I considered contacting National HQ about my problem. (Although it wasn't to inform HQ about my sisters, but rather to find out if I had to participate in an event.) Unlike you, there was no way in hell I was going to resign my membership.

What I ended up doing is taking Alumna status which is not an option for you.

Looking back on this whole situation 20 years later, I realize that I was so caught up in the drama of the moment that I failed to see that most of my sisters weren't even aware of anything going on. I could have and should have talked to my sisters.

What I regret is that I didn't take the time to talk it out with my sisters. I regret taking Alumna status. I could have had an entire extra year in my sorority. I regret leaving instead of sticking it out.

I hope this is helpful to you in some way.

ETA: The fact that you've come here for help in deciding whether or not to resign tells me that you really don't want to. I would focus on that and figure out a way to make this all work. Nothing worth while is easy.