Having Second Thoughts..

[prepster]

I've been a member of my fraternity, call it ABC, for 2 and a half years now. I have held all kinds of positions and have lived in our house my entire time here. However, this past year I have found myself constantly questioning whether this house is the right place for me. I joined as a freshman for all the wrong reasons, and now I have a bunch of friends in other fraternities and feel that I would fit in other houses so much better. My question is, is there a way to disaffiliate with fraternity XYZ and rush/pledge another house this upcoming fall???

I really love greek life and what it stands for, but right now, the house I'm in does not have these same beliefs. Please help me. Thanks!

[Senusret I]

There are other people here more qualified to give you the answer, so I will instead pose a question:

Why can't you and the guys in other fraternities just be friends?

Edited to add: I mean, I find myself surrounded by Sigmas and even enjoying their company, especially since I'm just sort of "okay" with a lot of the Alphas in my area. But I don't think that leaving Alpha and pledging Sigma would solve anything, even if it was allowed for NPHC orgs.

And I'm pretty sure that the values of most fraternities are broad enough where they include pretty much anyone. It sounds like you just get along better with men of other fraternities better than your own, rather than the values of the fraternity not being what you thought.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by prepster

I've been a member of my fraternity, call it ABC, for 2 and a half years now. I have held all kinds of positions and have lived in our house my entire time here. However, this past year I have found myself constantly questioning whether this house is the right place for me. I joined as a freshman for all the wrong reasons, and now I have a bunch of friends in other fraternities and feel that I would fit in other houses so much better. My question is, is there a way to disaffiliate with fraternity XYZ and rush/pledge another house this upcoming fall???

I really love greek life and what it stands for, but right now, the house I'm in does not have these same beliefs. Please help me. Thanks!

If you can share, how different are the "beliefs" that you feel you cannot stand up for them? You don't have to be best friends with every brother. Chapters shift as people graduate and join. You might try to find something within your org that you do feel passionate about, such as the philanthropy, mentoring new members, etc.

To me, it would be a huge shame to throw away two years of brotherhood, as well as the potential for an active and rewarding alumnus/lifetime experience. And who says that you cannot have friends in other fraternities? And what's to say if you did become a member else where and it didn't live up to your hype or you grew bored? You don't know for sure that you would necessarily fit better into another one anyway.

But if you just don't believe in your fraternity anymore, I don't know what to say. And good luck joining another one. Dependng on your group's affiilation/umbrella org, the answer may be an absolute "no" in many cases. In the NPC, once you initiate, you can never initiate into another NPC sorority.

Brotherhood/sisterhood is WHAT YOU MAKE IT. Not what you get.

Best of luck in your decisions.

[ECUJacob]

prepster, I believe the answer depends on your fraternity's chapter bylaws, national constitution, and umbrella organization's constitution. In any one of those three documents, there is likely a clause that describes your situation. Some groups may require you to wait for six months or more before joining another group. Some groups may completely prohibit it for fear of sensitive information being shared (intentionally or accidentally).

I'm never one to blindly recommend disaffiliation unless it pertains to physical/mental issues and success in college. If you're questioning the beliefs of XYZ and how they correlate to your life, then you may want to consider speaking with an advisor, alumni member, or national representative. Hopefully, they will be able to help you work through the issues.

[Zillini]

I admit I'm fairly ignorant regarding IFC policies. With NPC orgs, once you are initiated you cannot join another NPC group even if you resign from the first. Don't IFC orgs have a similar policy?

[RU OX Alum]

Originally Posted by prepster

I've been a member of my fraternity, call it ABC, for 2 and a half years now. I have held all kinds of positions and have lived in our house my entire time here. However, this past year I have found myself constantly questioning whether this house is the right place for me. I joined as a freshman for all the wrong reasons, and now I have a bunch of friends in other fraternities and feel that I would fit in other houses so much better. My question is, is there a way to disaffiliate with fraternity XYZ and rush/pledge another house this upcoming fall???

I really love greek life and what it stands for, but right now, the house I'm in does not have these same beliefs. Please help me. Thanks!

My advise to you is this:

Think over and ask yourself this question: do I want to fight to save my chapter? If not, then transfer, and my suggestion there would be to a school that does not have a chapter of your fraternity. If yes: then, blackball anyone and everyone who doesn't live up to YOUR standards, recruit other brothers who feel the same, and change the culture of your group. That's hard.

Either way, Good luck.

[nate2512]

Originally Posted by prepster

I've been a member of my fraternity, call it ABC, for 2 and a half years now. I have held all kinds of positions and have lived in our house my entire time here. However, this past year I have found myself constantly questioning whether this house is the right place for me. I joined as a freshman for all the wrong reasons, and now I have a bunch of friends in other fraternities and feel that I would fit in other houses so much better. My question is, is there a way to disaffiliate with fraternity XYZ and rush/pledge another house this upcoming fall???

I really love greek life and what it stands for, but right now, the house I'm in does not have these same beliefs. Please help me. Thanks!

Negative. You may not quit and rush again.

[SoCalGirl]

To the OP, it seems like you're burned out. Also, other posters are talking about the "Fraternity's" values but you said "the house [your] in does not have these same beliefs". Is it the guys that your not getting along with? I would think if you had an issue with the organization, that would have come to light earlier.

Whether or not your allowed to pledge another group depends on the rules for that group. Ask yourself this, would you want a guy to join your chapter after already being an active brother for two years at another chapter? How do the chapters at your school react if a pledge dp's before initiation and tries to pledge another chapter? If nobody is cool with that then there's no way they'd be cool with your situation.

My advice would be to take a semester and be as minimally involved as possible. This is to blow off steam and take a step back from any drama in the house. Then, the following semester, come back strong. Seek out brothers that share your beliefs regarding the chapter. Actively support these brothers in their positions and take on a position that will allow you to improve the chapter.

[Kedzman]

Don't quit and go elsewhere. You made a commitment to membership and you owe it to yourself and the organization to honor that commitment. You can still be friends with the members of other organizations. Some day you will get married. It would be poor advise to break the covenent with your wife to pursue another relationship. Make an investment in the right relationships and in the organization to make it better. Those investments will pay off for the organization and for you, personally. Work to bring out the best in people and the organization. Expose those who are negative in fraternal relationships and organizational development. Don't just complain, but instead, offer better solutions. You will face challenges, but that will make you stronger. Do the right thing

[honeychile]

You've been a member of ABC for two and half years, maybe more, if you count the time you spent pledging. What you have is a case of burn out, nothing more.

Try to hang in there, even if it means going in and out the back door. Keep your friends in other fraternities, because chances are that they're going through the same thing.

SoCal girl has some very good advice!

[Jessiekinns]

Originally Posted by prepster

I've been a member of my fraternity, call it ABC, for 2 and a half years now. I have held all kinds of positions and have lived in our house my entire time here. However, this past year I have found myself constantly questioning whether this house is the right place for me. I joined as a freshman for all the wrong reasons, and now I have a bunch of friends in other fraternities and feel that I would fit in other houses so much better. My question is, is there a way to disaffiliate with fraternity XYZ and rush/pledge another house this upcoming fall???

I really love greek life and what it stands for, but right now, the house I'm in does not have these same beliefs. Please help me. Thanks!

i think it depends on what the constitution of that org states and if you have signed a contract and all. In my personal experiance with a peticular sorority if you went throught the process of getting out and where on good terms then you can but not allowed for 2 years to go out for another org.

Originally Posted by Zillini

I admit I'm fairly ignorant regarding IFC policies. With NPC orgs, once you are initiated you cannot join another NPC group even if you resign from the first. Don't IFC orgs have a similar policy?

It depends on what the fraternity's own rules say. I've heard of men terminating their membership in ABC to join XYZ but there was a lot of red tape to go through.

I'm glad the NPC unanimous agreements are in place...it makes a whole lot of things easier.

[nate2512]

Originally Posted by Kedzman

Don't quit and go elsewhere. You made a commitment to membership and you owe it to yourself and the organization to honor that commitment. You can still be friends with the members of other organizations. Some day you will get married. It would be poor advise to break the covenent with your wife to pursue another relationship. Make an investment in the right relationships and in the organization to make it better. Those investments will pay off for the organization and for you, personally. Work to bring out the best in people and the organization. Expose those who are negative in fraternal relationships and organizational development. Don't just complain, but instead, offer better solutions. You will face challenges, but that will make you stronger. Do the right thing

Ha, that comparison is ridiculous. Unless he's sleeping with his fraternity.

[aopirose]

Originally Posted by nate2512

Ha, that comparison is ridiculous. Unless he's sleeping with his fraternity.

OK. That was funny.

[Fleur de Lis]

I can't answer for you whether you can leave and pledge another fraternity. However, I can tell you it won't solve your problem. It sounds like you're totally burnt out and disillusioned. Try making your fraternity less of a priority for a while and focus on other things - friendships, school, hobbies, etc. Sometimes a break can make you appreciate the good and the bad not seem so terrible. Also, having friends in other fraternities is a great thing, but it doesn't mean you need to move camps to be happy. There is discord in every group and joining a different one will not solve your problem.