Issue with a Troublesome PNM

#1 05-15-2009, 12:04 AM

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KSUViolet06 · #2 05-15-2009, 12:15 AM

Welcome to GC sister!

I'm not one to sugarcoat things.

My answers:

If you are not interested in a PNM, simply tell them "Thank you for your interest, but we will not be extending you a bid." If they don't get a bid, you do not owe a PNM any explanation other than that.

If she asks why, simply let her know that those reasons are part of the membership selection process and as such are private. Simple as that.

I would also suggest that sisters stop inviting this woman to COB events.

Also, if she is misrepresenting herself as a member, I suggest having someone send her a very straightforward email stating that she is not a member of the chapter.

Problems solved!

I hope this helps.

#3 05-15-2009, 12:19 AM

Thanks for your reply! Our sisters before us did not do the Tri Sigma name justice; so, our reputation on campus has not been the best. This year, we've come very far, and we're worried that this PNM will hurt us by slandering us to the rest of the women on campus. It sounds terrible, but our main concern is "deal with" her.

csarmo6629 · #4 05-15-2009, 12:53 AM

I agree with that response, maybe if she stops getting invited to events and such she'll back a way a little bit. Are those 4 friends of hers backing the sorority up, telling her that the sorority isn't offering her a bid? Maybe it needs to come from someone closer to her? I don't know, good luck with it!

#5 05-15-2009, 01:15 AM

Two of those members have tried to explain it to her. The other two are our newest members; so, they just knew that she didn't uphold the standards of our organization. This girl is known for bad mouthing anyone she can behind their backs; so, we're more afraid of damage control than hurting her feelings.

We also stopped inviting her to events, but she would hear about them from other people. Would it be in bad taste to ask her to not attend our events because they are for women we are potentially giving bids too? Or should we just allow her to continue to come to these events? I feel like her coming to our events hinders women from being more interested in us. They are under the impression that this girl is in our chapter (because she has been telling people she's "practically in Sigma") and they don't want a woman like that as a sister.

KSUViolet06 · #6 05-15-2009, 01:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by violet_sigma3

We also stopped inviting her to events, but she would hear about them from other people. Would it be in bad taste to ask her to not attend our events because they are for women we are potentially giving bids too? Or should we just allow her to continue to come to these events? I feel like her coming to our events hinders women from being more interested in us. They are under the impression that this girl is in our chapter (because she has been telling people she's "practically in Sigma") and they don't want a woman like that as a sister.

Start making COB events invite-only. Problem solved.

#7 05-15-2009, 01:30 AM

I don't think something that simple ever occurred to us. Thanks!

ASTalumna06 · #8 05-15-2009, 01:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by violet_sigma3

Thanks for your reply! Our sisters before us did not do the Tri Sigma name justice; so, our reputation on campus has not been the best. This year, we've come very far, and we're worried that this PNM will hurt us by slandering us to the rest of the women on campus. It sounds terrible, but our main concern is "deal with" her.

I've dealt with a slightly similar situation, in which we did not give a bid to a girl, and she was extremely upset. We had heard that she said horrible things about our chapter. The fact is, you can't really do anything about what she says to other people. And to be honest, if it's only her talking poorly about you, chances are that other people will notice this, and maybe they'll start to look at her differently, rather than think your chapter is filled with terrible people. Plus, if they know she's insulted her own friends and has tried to join your chapter numerous times, on your tiny campus, I'm sure word will spread quickly that it's not you, but rather her that has the problem.

truelies · #9 05-15-2009, 01:40 AM

We had this same problem with a girl over this past year. Since we have deferred recruitment she was not able to go through the recruitment process until this spring. From the fall-spring she would tell my sisters (as well as other organizations) how she was going to pledge them. She also did not fit in with us and was also clingy/touchy feely and her behavior was making sisters uncomfortable. We invited her back to our preference (tea) but luckily for us, and her, she realized she did not fit in with us and declined the invite and is now a sister of another sorority and seems to be doing quite well.

33girl · #10 05-15-2009, 07:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by violet_sigma3

Thanks for your reply! Our sisters before us did not do the Tri Sigma name justice; so, our reputation on campus has not been the best.

It won't get better if you keep dissing your own alumnae.

Definitely make COB events invite only - even without nutso PNM, letting anyone attend who wants to or hears about it makes your chapter look desperate.

FSU143Nole · #11 05-18-2009, 02:43 PM

Or maybe take the fraternity route and let her know it might be time to check out some other houses.

tld221 · #12 05-18-2009, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Welcome to GC sister!

I'm not one to sugarcoat things.

My answers:

If you are not interested in a PNM, simply tell them "Thank you for your interest, but we will not be extending you a bid." If they don't get a bid, you do not owe a PNM any explanation other than that.

If she asks why, simply let her know that those reasons are part of the membership selection process and as such are private. Simple as that.

I would also suggest that sisters stop inviting this woman to COB events.

Also, if she is misrepresenting herself as a member, I suggest having someone send her a very straightforward email stating that she is not a member of the chapter.

Problems solved!

I hope this helps.

From one "sigma" to another, couldn't said it better myself.

It is important that you noted that your interests/prospectives can reflect your org similarly to your actives. Feel free to reiterate that to the sisters who keep inviting her to COB.

KSUViolet06 · #13 05-18-2009, 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSU143Nole

Or maybe take the fraternity route and let her know it might be time to check out some other houses.

This really isn't appropriate in terms of sororities.

tld221 · #14 05-18-2009, 07:04 PM

Lane swerving, potentially:

Doesn't this count as "discussing membership selection?"

Which we should NEVER do?

33girl · #15 05-18-2009, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tld221

Lane swerving, potentially:

Doesn't this count as "discussing membership selection?"

Which we should NEVER do?

No. That applies more to PNMs asking things like "how many points do I get for being a cheerleader?" or "if I know more sisters will I get a bid?"