Troublesome recruitment questions

[DifferentDances]

I have a couple of questions I really would like some input on from other sororities who have been through COR after structured informal recruitment and/or formal recruitment. Whatever insights you can offer would be greatly appreciated.

1. How can you politely but firmly tell a PNM who didn't get a bid during formal recruitment and is going through COR that she will not be extended a bid even after COR? Is there any nice way to encourage her to go through recruitment the next semester while simultaneously pointing her away from your organization?(KLPDaisy's original response helped me clarify my thoughts. Thank you!)

2. If your campus has some sort of Panhellenic recruitment process and then COR, what do you do about PNMs who went primarily to other organizations' events and seem to be 'settling' for your group during COR because they did not receive a bid from the group(s) they originally snubbed you for? (With Formal Recruitment and bid-matching, some girls go to their second or even third choices, but, as I understand it, that's not necessarily made known to the groups unless the PNM tells them.)

Are we justified in asking why they chose to take a second look at our sorority? Are we entitled to know why they originally overlooked us in favor of another group? Or are these questions impossible to bring up politely?

I hope I'm not offending anyone; my purpose is to try to get some additional, external perspectives on these situations, as I think my sisters and I may be too emotionally invested in our opinions (and perhaps pride) to see straight.

[Edited for clarification]

[tunatartare]

In the first case scenario, hard as it may be, someone will just have to be blunt with her and tell her that you don't think she'll be a good fit for your sorority. It will be hard, but the more you keep delaying it and letting her come to events, the more likely she is to think that she'll be a shoe-in with your sorority and the more crushed she will be when she finds out that you aren't giving her a bid.

In the second scenario, you have to realize that not everyone who goes into recruitment is going to immediately fall in love with your house, and that's fine. Some groups tend to do better at COR events than at formal recruitment anyways. Just because some girls didn't originally want your sorority as their #1 choice, that doesn't mean that you're a "safety" for them or that they won't be good sisters. There are plenty of threads here on GC about girls who either "slipped through the cracks" or who didn't get their first choice, and went on to become very dedicated and loyal members of the sororities that did bid them. Just talk to the girls and see what they're like, if they seem genuinely interested in you or show enthusiasm, then bid them if you want.

[gogoaphi]

I think you should really pick up a phone and talk to someone from your national organization (e.g. a regional team member, if you have one). They will likely be better equipped to advise you on your situation than anyone in Greekchat (without a whole lotta additional detail).

It kind of sounds like COR is relatively new to your chapter? I'm wondering about your "process" for making selection decisions. Every group likely has a different philosophy. I'm just getting the feeling that you are getting all twisted around the axle unncecssarily and then you find yourself in a sticky situation.

You may very well be a "safe" choice (if that's the right thing to call it) for some women. However, that isn't in and of itself all bad. Lots of great members can come from that. I think your chapter's specific situation, needs, strengths, and weaknesses play into it. So ... again ... ask for help from someone that understands your chapter a bit better.

[33girl]

Question #1: Are your COR parties invite only? If not, they should be. Each sister should be inviting women she feels are already interested in YOUR sorority. Chalking and flyering and completely open parties often attract women who are only interested in A sorority. The whole point of COR is to have a more laid back atmosphere for women who just don't like all the craziness of formal rush. It's not to throw a safety net to everyone who didn't get a bid.

Question #2: Some women go through recruitment very single mindedly. They say it is XYZ and only XYZ for me. Once they have been cut and have a chance to look around, they often look at someone that's either the opposite of XYZ, or else they realize they want a sorority that is really like themselves, not like some unreal image they were hoping they could achieve had they been given a bid. That's why someone who has cut you might end up wanting to go through your COR.

Again, though, there shouldn't be women at COR who treated your chapter unkindly during fornmal - it should be women who cut you because they had to cut someone. It's usually easy to tell the difference.

[Denise_DPhiE]

Ditto what everyone else said.

If you are a NPC group or a local group - go to your chapter advisor and then up the chain. Your group is in need of a big breathe before COR starts. Girls going through COR should start with a clean slate in the chapter eyes. As someone said, some girls get their heart set on XYZ b/c of something like a friends or familr member or friends in recruitment group and may not look for their perfit fit. Have a sisters only social, a pass the candle thingy where everyone airs their concerns and happy thoughts and go out there and kick some @$$ in recruitment.

[aephi alum]

1. Sometimes, you have to be blunt. As KLPDaisy said, just tell her you don't think she's a good fit. Then, be sure your COB parties are invite-only going forward, and make it clear that she is not to be invited.

I speak from experience. My chapter did have "That Girl" come through during my sophomore year. She tried three times (FR and two COB weeks) to join us, but she wasn't a good fit. Finally she got the hint and focused her energies elsewhere.

2. Each PNM has her own reasons for choosing to attend the COB events she attends. She may have gone through ABC's COB week, realized they weren't for her, and decided to come check you out instead... she's not settling, she's checking out all her options. Or, she might have gone to ABC's events, liked them, not received a bid, and is now coming to you just to be in a sorority, any sorority. It's usually not hard to tell who's genuinely interested in your sorority vs. who just wants Greek letters to wear.

[adpiucf]

How can you politely but firmly tell a PNM who didn't get a bid during formal recruitment and is going through COR that she will not be extended a bid even after COR?

I think this is actually a very good idea. Most times, the sorority just "plays dead" and ignores the emails and phone calls that come through from persistent PNM's. But being direct will help the young lady in her journey to find her niche in college social activities, and she'll stop wasting her time.

I'd recommend you bring together a couple of key chapter officers, write a brief phone script/guidelines of things to say and practice. And then you call those ladies up who have either been very persistent or whom you want to formally decline.

Is there any nice way to encourage her to go through recruitment the next semester while simultaneously pointing her away from your organization?

Absolutely. It is all in your approach. You don't want people who call her to be brusque and a turn-off to the young woman. You want to make sure she is left with a favorable impression of your sorority, even and especially if she isn't a member. Remember that if you poison the opinion of someone, she will confide in her friends and classmates-- and those people will get a negative impression of you, too-- eventually you develop a poor reputation and lose prospective members due to that reputation.

Feel free to PM me if you'd like ideas on how to get this together: a phone script, how to keep them in the Greek Interest circle, etc.

If your campus has some sort of Panhellenic recruitment process and then COR, what do you do about PNMs who went primarily to other organizations' events and seem to be 'settling' for your group during COR because they did not receive a bid from the group(s) they originally snubbed you for?

As other posters have said, you as a chapter need to close the books on formal recruitment and any perceptions you might have of why PNM's are coming to COR. COR is a new recruitment cycle. Reinforce this in your chapter.

And people change. Maybe a woman got cut by her top choices and was either cut from recruitment or she dropped. But some time has passed, her head is on straight and she is maybe realizing that you don't have to aim for the perceived top tier chapter in order to be a member of the best sorority. Formal recruitment brings out a lot of irrational emotions and competition.

Are we justified in asking why they chose to take a second look at our sorority?
Absolutely!!!

Are we entitled to know why they originally overlooked us in favor of another group?
Are you willing to tell them about your membership selection process and why you may have dropped them in the past? It's the same thing. Don't ask this question. It's very unflattering and will turn people off. The other question, "We're thrilled you're here at COR. Tell me what made you decide to take a second look at our sorority after formal recruitment?" is an excellent question.

Best of luck!

[hollyberry]

I've been lurking here for a while, as a mother of a future PNM in an effort for her to have a more positive rush experience than I did MANY years ago, and I feel compelled to add my answer to this thread.

When I went through rush, I dropped out before pref night because I had been dropped by my two "dream houses" although I did get an invite from XYZ. I was too crushed to go on. Anyway, after bids were announced, I noticed that many of the new members at XYZ house that I knew either from my dorm or high school were girls that I would have really enjoyed having as sisters, and I realized right then that I had made a bad mistake dropping out. I guess the actives at XYZ knew me better than I knew myself!!! Anyway, had I been given a chance to COB at XYZ, I would have done so in a heartbeat even though I was only lukewarm about them in formal rush.

Hollyberry