Advice Please!

I go to a pretty small school with 4 established sororities and a 5th one is colonizing in October. Anyway, I started the recruitment process this week and after two days of meeting with all the different girls I only felt a connection with one of them and naturally I picked them and they dropped me. I don't know why as I had great conversations with many of the girls. My only guess is that they weren't looking for an upperclassman because I can't think of any other reason. Naturally I was very upset and decided to drop because I didn't feel good about the other groups AT ALL. I'm a commuter student and I want to get involved in campus and have a great bond with some great girls but the very limited option at my school was a disappointment after I got rejected for reasons unknown. My question is...do you think it'd be a good idea to go through the recruitment process with the sorority that is about to establish itself? I think I'd have a better opportunity to get a bid as well as be a part of the process of starting a new sorority. Do you think it'd be a good idea for someone who is a bit shy at first, but very motivated to get involved and make great friends?

[AZTheta]

You probably want to delete one of these threads as you posted the same thing in two different forums.

ETA: here's what I posted in the other thread, and a moderator should be able to delete your other thread.

"Honestly, we cannot say. No crystal balls, no way to tell what the outcome will be; and no point in speculating on what already happened or what might happen in the future.

Only you know whether you should or shouldn't try; but I do encourage you to go through the process. Good luck!"

Reading some of your replies, I think that things might have gone south for you in your recruitment experiences when you truly didn't give the other chapters a chance. Case in point: the worst relationships I've ever had have been those which were based on "love at first sight". You loved a chapter and that love wasn't returned. But what was that based on? The best relationships have taken a long time to bloom.

And, if you read through enough threads on GC you'll understand that (a) chapters know what they're looking for and what's a good match for them (b) many, if not most, chapters are also quite skilled at recruiting and what attracted you in your "favorite" chapter likely appealed to many other PNMs as well (c) it is a mutual selection process, and there were other chapters extending you invitations (d) greekdee's advice was spot-on.

That said, please give the colony your very best shot. Go in with confidence and an open mind. Stop obsessing about this, because that will interfere and can provoke a lot of anxiety. There are colonies happening all over the US this fall; GOOD LUCK!

Originally Posted by AzTheta

You probably want to delete one of these threads as you posted the same thing in two different forums.

ETA: here's what I posted in the other thread, and a moderator should be able to delete your other thread.

"Honestly, we cannot say. No crystal balls, no way to tell what the outcome will be; and no point in speculating on what already happened or what might happen in the future.

Only you know whether you should or shouldn't try; but I do encourage you to go through the process. Good luck!"

Reading some of your replies, I think that things might have gone south for you in your recruitment experiences when you truly didn't give the other chapters a chance. Case in point: the worst relationships I've ever had have been those which were based on "love at first sight". You loved a chapter and that love wasn't returned. But what was that based on? The best relationships have taken a long time to bloom.

And, if you read through enough threads on GC you'll understand that (a) chapters know what they're looking for and what's a good match for them (b) many, if not most, chapters are also quite skilled at recruiting and what attracted you in your "favorite" chapter likely appealed to many other PNMs as well (c) it is a mutual selection process, and there were other chapters extending you invitations (d) greekdee's advice was spot-on.

That said, please give the colony your very best shot. Go in with confidence and an open mind. Stop obsessing about this, because that will interfere and can provoke a lot of anxiety. There are colonies happening all over the US this fall; GOOD LUCK!

I gave the other sororities a chance, I hung out with them even before recruitment started and it didn't sit right with me. From personal experience, my gut instinct is the best thing to go on. Feelings are stronger than anything else, if something is instinctively bothering you I wouldn't go toward it. There's nothing wrong with those girls, but I could feel a disconnect. So my decision was not based on "love at first sight" it was based on giving them a few chances and I still felt the same.
I think that the chapter that did not extend me an invite back was looking for freshman girls.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by renlizabeth

I gave the other sororities a chance, I hung out with them even before recruitment started and it didn't sit right with me. From personal experience, my gut instinct is the best thing to go on. Feelings are stronger than anything else, if something is instinctively bothering you I wouldn't go toward it. There's nothing wrong with those girls, but I could feel a disconnect. So my decision was not based on "love at first sight" it was based on giving them a few chances and I still felt the same.
I think that the chapter that did not extend me an invite back was looking for freshman girls.

You are putting WAY too much stock into first impressions. Recruitment is nothing like everyday life in a sorority. Feeling like things don't click right away is not unusual. Also, your earlier statement that one of the groups didn't click with you because of "what they were based on" confused me. Do you have a secret Satanist sorority that sacrifices kittens? We all are based on similar ideals, so I have a hard time coming up with something so horrid that a PNM would drop out of recruitment rather than associate with that ideal.

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

You are putting WAY too much stock into first impressions. Recruitment is nothing like everyday life in a sorority. Feeling like things don't click right away is not unusual. Also, your earlier statement that one of the groups didn't click with you because of "what they were based on" confused me. Do you have a secret Satanist sorority that sacrifices kittens? We all are based on similar ideals, so I have a hard time coming up with something so horrid that a PNM would drop out of recruitment rather than associate with that ideal.

You obviously didn't read what I wrote correctly. I said that I did hang out with the other sororities even before recruitment began and I was iffy about them then too. After going through the experience AND talking with them more during the next few days my impression was still the same. So it wasn't "things aren't clicking right away." Yes you are based on SIMILAR ideals. One of the groups were based on Christian beliefs and values and I am not of that religion.

[33girl]

There's a difference between having Christian ideals and being a Christian sorority. Lots of Christian ideals are just cool in general (i.e. love your neighbor) whether you're Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, whatever.

Just because a sorority has Christ or a saint as their patron or exemplar does NOT mean Christians are unwelcome or would be uncomfortable there. Many sororities have Greek gods or goddesses as exemplars and that certainly doesn't mean they worship them. Many sororities were FOUNDED on Christian ideals, but all 26 NPC groups do not discriminate on religion. What they may have done 70 years ago is not relevant today.

However, if you're really talking about a Christian sorority - as in not one of the 26 NPC groups, as in a group where you have to be a professed Christian to belong - that's another kettle of fish. I would wonder, however, why such a group would be going the whole way through rush with the other NPC groups.

How? When I click Edit, i don't see a delete option

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by renlizabeth

How? When I click Edit, i don't see a delete option

You just go in and erase it and then save.

[greekdee]

Hi -- since you said you dropped, I'm assuming that other sororities did invite you back? I usually think it's best to see recruitment through to the end, even if you aren't feeling the love early on. Many girls have pledged and loved sororities they initially did not feel a strong connection to. Things really can change as the process moves along, and many hearts and minds have done complete turn-arounds, especially at pref. Do keep this in mind if you choose to pursue membership in the sorority that is colonizing on your campus. You might not feel a strong connection at first, but it could absolutely form as time goes on.

I encourage you to look into the new chapter. I don't have first hand experience with that, but a neighbor's daughter recently pledged the new Delta Gamma chapter at Alabama and really likes being part of building something. Same goes for another neighbor whose son got in on the ground floor of a fraternity at his school last year. Most of what I know about joining a new chapter is what I've learned here at Greek Chat. Do some searching for threads on colonizing. You'll find some information. A new chapter could provide good opportunities for upperclassmen because they may need a mix of grade levels. Older students who can bring leadership experience to the table may be very desirable. I say "could" and "may" because chapters and campuses vary, but my understanding is that colonizing GLO's are usually more open to upperclassmen than groups that are already established.

So -- give it a try, but don't be discouraged if there aren't many fireworks at the beginning. Stick with the process and determine if you and the organization have the same goals and ideals, and think about what contributions you can make to the chapter's growth and development. I'm betting you will be asked that during recruitment, so do an honest assessment of your strengths and talents. Being part of a something new can be very exciting and rewarding -- and the process of building something together can lead to strong bonds between people. Wishing you the very best!!

Originally Posted by greekdee

Hi -- since you said you dropped, I'm assuming that other sororities did invite you back? I usually think it's best to see recruitment through to the end, even if you aren't feeling the love early on. Many girls have pledged and loved sororities they initially did not feel a strong connection to. Things really can change as the process moves along, and many hearts and minds have done complete turn-arounds, especially at pref. Do keep this in mind if you choose to pursue membership in the sorority that is colonizing on your campus. You might not feel a strong connection at first, but it could absolutely form as time goes on.

I encourage you to look into the new chapter. I don't have first hand experience with that, but a neighbor's daughter recently pledged the new Delta Gamma chapter at Alabama and really likes being part of building something. Same goes for another neighbor whose son got in on the ground floor of a fraternity at his school last year. Most of what I know about joining a new chapter is what I've learned here at Greek Chat. Do some searching for threads on colonizing. You'll find some information. A new chapter could provide good opportunities for upperclassmen because they may need a mix of grade levels. Older students who can bring leadership experience to the table may be very desirable. I say "could" and "may" because chapters and campuses vary, but my understanding is that colonizing GLO's are usually more open to upperclassmen than groups that are already established.

So -- give it a try, but don't be discouraged if there aren't many fireworks at the beginning. Stick with the process and determine if you and the organization have the same goals and ideals, and think about what contributions you can make to the chapter's growth and development. I'm betting you will be asked that during recruitment, so do an honest assessment of your strengths and talents. Being part of a something new can be very exciting and rewarding -- and the process of building something together can lead to strong bonds between people. Wishing you the very best!!

Thanks. Basically, my gut instinct is the best thing I have to go on. While some of the girls in the other sororities are great, I could not see myself being able to feel natural around them. One of the sororities just did not click with me in terms of what they were based on and I just did not feel anything and the same goes for the second one that invited me back as well. I do not want to risk the chance of "falling in love" with something down the line because let's face it...you have to pay for this. I do not want to bank on a major IF factor. I was so upset when I found out my first choice dropped me and really unsure why when I had such great connections with some of the girls. I reacted so strongly, my heart wasn't in it for the other sororities. I just couldn't bring myself to try to get back into it. I'm looking forward to possibly be a part of the new chapter. While they were giving their informational I did feel that they would be a good match for me.

[DubaiSis]

If you are a bit shy you need to get over that. Sometimes it helps to sort of play the part. How would a really strong confident person behave in this situation? And try to do that. That's not to say you should be fake, but sometimes you have to fake it get the wheels rolling. And your shyness could come off as disinterest, which is a bad thing.

Being in a colony could be just the ticket for you. Give it a shot, and as I've been saying a lot on GC lately, make sure you express interest!

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

If you are a bit shy you need to get over that. Sometimes it helps to sort of play the part. How would a really strong confident person behave in this situation? And try to do that. That's not to say you should be fake, but sometimes you have to fake it get the wheels rolling. And your shyness could come off as disinterest, which is a bad thing.

Being in a colony could be just the ticket for you. Give it a shot, and as I've been saying a lot on GC lately, make sure you express interest!

The reason I'm putting myself out there like this is to get over my shyness and I'm very aware how other people may perceive me. That is why I do everything in my power to "fake it till I make it" in that respect. I think the sorority that did not invite me back did not like that I was a junior because even though I had some great conversations with them, I could tell many in their sorority did not rush as juniors...only very few from what I gathered...they probably prefer the younger girls. I'm excited for the possibility of joining the new chapter because I really like the values that they were based on.

[FSUZeta]

ask yourself, "what have i got to lose, by signing up to attend an information session of the colonizing sorority"?

my answer would be "not as much as i might possibly gain".

[greekdee]

Renlizabeth -- I don't think anyone at GC means to imply you should pledge and initiate into a sorority you don't feel a connection to. The advice most PNM's receive here is to stick out the recruitment week (or whatever the time frame is) and not drop as long as you still have options. As AOII Angel pointed out, you don't have to accept a bid, but many of us recommend hanging in through pref parties because we've just seen too many perceptions change as rush progresses. I know you said you've spent time with sorority members outside of recruitment, but have you gotten to know all of the sisters and learned about the key aspects of their sorority? You may think you have a good feel for a chapter, only to learn something new about them or talk to a couple of sisters you've never spent much time with before and -- bam-- you begin seeing things in a different light. That's why we say to stay in the process as long as you can, giving the sororities and yourself every opportunity to see what each other is about.

All that said, I encourage you to look into the chapter that is colonizing. From what I understand, colonizing chapters are usually open to accepting upperclassmen, especially those who bring leadership experience to the table. It is also my understanding that this type of recruitment process may include interviews with representatives from the national and/or regional levels. Be prepared to tell them why you want to be part of their organization, show that you have a good picture of your campus culture and highlight your strengths and talents, especially in regards to how they can help a new chapter take root, grow and thrive. Learn all you can at the information sessions and by visiting their national website. Learn about the causes they support, their mission and goals, their history, what their mascot represents -- and get excited about who these women are and what they're about. Enthusiasm is like a magnet and even helps with shyness. I've seen many on the shy, quiet side suddenly light up when the issue at hand is one they're interested in and excited about. Don't be discouraged if you don't feel a spark right away -- you may be charged with electricity by the end of the process, but you won't know unless you stay in recruitment until its time for bids. Good luck and I hope it all works out!

Originally Posted by Jen

If you don't like any of the sororities, don't join. If you like the colony, try and join. If you don't, don't try and join.

What you're expecting us to tell you, aside from that, I don't know. We can't tell you whether you made a good decision for you or not. We can't tell you whether deciding to go for a colony or not is a good idea for you. You need to figure that out on your own, because we don't live your life.

I know this, I just wanted more insight on what it's like to be a part of colony. I don't know too much about that process.