So I've got this dilema in the back of my mind.
I wrote an email to my grand-big, spilling my heart. I should've said what I wrote with my own voice, but after I found out that something I did earlier has ticked her off, I wrote an email apology and included what I should've told her in person rather than written out.
The thing is, out of my whole chapter, she is the sister I love most of all. She was "big sis" for a while becuase my big has just recently sorta stepped up into the position if that makes much sense. My grand-big has been there for me, she's been someone I can hang out with and we've done stuff (though we did more while I was pledging than we have since I've been initiated). And I mean, I do love my big...I'm the oldest in my family and I've always wanted a big sis, so my big fills that spot in my life, but I still love my grand-big more.
I told her this in that email, that she's the one I love most of all. I know she's been online lately (caught her SN on the instant messenger for a few minutes) but I don't know if she got this email yet. And if she has, I'm worried that she'll either freak out and take it all the wrong way or that she'll be indifferent and not care that I feel this way (and I expressed those fears to her). It's not that I expect her to feel the same way about me that I feel about her, because that's a stupid thing to expect of anyone. I expressed my fears to her because they're what's been keeping me from telling her this.
I wonder if she'll even accept me with open arms again after knowing all this.
In Need of Advice
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