When should the emotions die down?

[fantASTic]

So...after a rough breakup...how long is normal for someone to 'grieve' for the relationship? By this, I mean crying, emotional despair, et cetera. What's normal? What's acceptable? What's the point where you say "Girl/Boy, you have a PROBLEM!"?

ETA: I mean on a habitual basis, as in crying every day.

[catiebug]

It's been over a year and I still grieve at times.

[KSUViolet06]

It depends on the person.

I personally think that if it's getting close to a year and you still can't stop thinking about it, you're in complete emotional despair, and you're crying all the time, that those are symptoms of a bigger issue (depression) and you need to see a professional.

[AlwaysSAI]

I don't remember where I heard it, but somewhere I got this piece of advice.

"You should grieve a relationship one week for each six months you were together."

Personally, I'd say it took me about 8 weeks to stop crying everyday about my ex. I was alright with the break-up. It's when I found out the true reason that I really fell apart. It was really hard for me to come with grips with the fact that he left me because he thought he was in love with someone else.

Sometimes, I still think about all the good times we had and all the memories we made. He really meant a lot to me--I guess you'd call him my first love.

[trideltrockstar]

I don't know if I'd agree with grieving only one week per 6 months!!! That means I would only be grieving about 2 1/2 weeks for the relationship I'm in now if we were to break up and trust me it would take a lot longer than that for me to move ahead. Maybe more like one month per 6 months or something.

I think it depends on the person and the type of relationship.

[LttleMsPrEp]

I'd say 6 months is normal grieving time and for me that includes songs that remind me of them, looking through their box (i have boxes from each serious bf that has all the cards/ poems/ love notes etc. that he gave me)... after 6 months I think it's okay for it to come back in random intervals but i don't think that it should be on a daily basis after 6 months.

Personally i have a "getting over you cry" where i just sit and let it all come out memories, photos, cards etc it normally takes about an hour or two so that after the first 2 days of the breakup when I do cry it isn't as much..

But to answer ur question I'd say that if after 9 months you're still crying everyday and in despair you might have a prob.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by AlwaysSAI

I don't remember where I heard it, but somewhere I got this piece of advice.

"You should grieve a relationship one week for each six months you were together."

My "elders" have always said you grieve half the length of the relationship. A one year relationship takes six months. A four year relationship takes two years. That time is used to get the sadness out but also to give the person up for good.

I was in a four year relationship that ended in 2004. It definitely took me two years to stop thinking about him so much. I got married in 2006 (not to him of course) and thoughts of the guy had faded significantly. I still think about him occasionally and wonder if he's gotten his life together.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by fantASTic

So...after a rough breakup...how long is normal for someone to 'grieve' for the relationship? By this, I mean crying, emotional despair, et cetera. What's normal? What's acceptable? What's the point where you say "Girl/Boy, you have a PROBLEM!"?

ETA: I mean on a habitual basis, as in crying every day.

It just depends on when the person is ready to move on. A lot of jokers like to jump into a relationship just to use that as an attempt to get over the past one. To me, that's not too cool.

[christiangirl]

I was going to be a smart mouth and say I get over guys fairly quickly, but then I realized I "broke up" with my best friend 5 months ago and I'm still not over it. I was closer to her than any guy so I guess it all depends.

ETA: Okay, I lied. I've been in love once and, even though I only cried for him once or twice, he did take a good couple years to "get over" so just take it in stride.

[cheerfulgreek]

I guess it depends on what you're crying over. I only cried over my ex because I caught him with his hands all over another girl. I cried because I was effing pissed. It didn't take long for me to get over him, partly because I wasn't with him that long, plus he was an ass.

[ASTalumna06]

It's never really taken me too long to get over a guy. But most of the time, I'm the one breaking up with them. And the few times a guy has broken up with me, I think I was upset for a few hours, I went to bed, I woke up the next day and thought, "fuck him". Then I go out for drinks. And maybe meet someone new. No use wasting time over someone who doesn't even wanna be with me :-D

[33girl]

I think it's normal to cry every day for quite a while. But you shouldn't be crying all day, every day. And you should be able to go to work and go on about your normal life.

[Scully]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

My "elders" have always said you grieve half the length of the relationship. A one year relationship takes six months. A four year relationship takes two years. That time is used to get the sadness out but also to give the person up for good..

I've always heard the same and tried to stick to it. Although some people heal more quickly than others. It's hard when there's always something around to remind you of that person. Music especially for me - any song on the radio that reminded me of an ex always ripped my heart out and I would be driving around with tears in my eyes. Not the safest scenario! The hardest breakups for me were when guys made promises they never intended to keep. But as I've told my friends, "the fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone!" Hey, at least I always get a smile out of them with that line!

[honeychile]

Just as every relationship has a different intensity, every break up does, too. The above formulas are decent, but the gauge I'd trust is yourself. Do you feel that you've mourned too long? Are you embarrassed to mention his name because your friends are going to say "here she goes again..."? Have you had serious thoughts of depression or suicide?

Frankly, just asking the question would make me suggest that you talk to someone professional, even a campus counselor. You may discover that you're more normal than you realize.

[RU OX Alum]

true love never dies


*writes another song or poem or whatever*