When should the emotions die down?

[AlwaysSAI]

I don't remember where I heard it, but somewhere I got this piece of advice.

"You should grieve a relationship one week for each six months you were together."

Personally, I'd say it took me about 8 weeks to stop crying everyday about my ex. I was alright with the break-up. It's when I found out the true reason that I really fell apart. It was really hard for me to come with grips with the fact that he left me because he thought he was in love with someone else.

Sometimes, I still think about all the good times we had and all the memories we made. He really meant a lot to me--I guess you'd call him my first love.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by AlwaysSAI

I don't remember where I heard it, but somewhere I got this piece of advice.

"You should grieve a relationship one week for each six months you were together."

My "elders" have always said you grieve half the length of the relationship. A one year relationship takes six months. A four year relationship takes two years. That time is used to get the sadness out but also to give the person up for good.

I was in a four year relationship that ended in 2004. It definitely took me two years to stop thinking about him so much. I got married in 2006 (not to him of course) and thoughts of the guy had faded significantly. I still think about him occasionally and wonder if he's gotten his life together.

[Scully]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

My "elders" have always said you grieve half the length of the relationship. A one year relationship takes six months. A four year relationship takes two years. That time is used to get the sadness out but also to give the person up for good..

I've always heard the same and tried to stick to it. Although some people heal more quickly than others. It's hard when there's always something around to remind you of that person. Music especially for me - any song on the radio that reminded me of an ex always ripped my heart out and I would be driving around with tears in my eyes. Not the safest scenario! The hardest breakups for me were when guys made promises they never intended to keep. But as I've told my friends, "the fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone!" Hey, at least I always get a smile out of them with that line!

[honeychile]

Just as every relationship has a different intensity, every break up does, too. The above formulas are decent, but the gauge I'd trust is yourself. Do you feel that you've mourned too long? Are you embarrassed to mention his name because your friends are going to say "here she goes again..."? Have you had serious thoughts of depression or suicide?

Frankly, just asking the question would make me suggest that you talk to someone professional, even a campus counselor. You may discover that you're more normal than you realize.