Between Sex, Finances and Communication, which one is it? What would it be for you?

cheerfulgreek · #1 04-16-2008, 03:02 PM

I started a thread on the importance of finances in a relationship/marriage on a scale from 1-10. Well, as the chatting went on, people started talking about divorce. I always hear people say that the lack of sex, communication and/or finances are the biggest causes of divorce. I highly doubt it would start off as all three and if it did, that is one screwed up marriage.

If you were married or living with your bf/gf what would it be for you? Lack of sex, communication or finances? You're not limited to just one choice, but what's most important to you?

For me it would be finances, because I think it would have an effect on the other two. If a couple is financially stressed, it would effect sex because their minds would be on bills. It would effect communication, because with the financial stress I can't see how a couple would be on the same page.

33girl · #2 04-16-2008, 03:09 PM

Hands down, finances. Not so much do we have a lot of $$ but do we look at spending, saving etc the same way.

There are too many people getting married who don't even like to think about this because they think it's "unromantic" or " materialistic" and it's not at all.

RU OX Alum · #3 04-16-2008, 03:58 PM

i think a healthy relationship would need all three of those

cheerfulgreek · #4 04-16-2008, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

Hands down, finances. Not so much do we have a lot of $$ but do we look at spending, saving etc the same way.

There are too many people getting married who don't even like to think about this because they think it's "unromantic" or " materialistic" and it's not at all.

33girl I agree. I do think all three are necessary, but finance is what's most important.

Sex is important, but what if a couple can no longer have sex. Then what? Finance can make or break a marriage.

MysticCat · #5 04-16-2008, 09:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

33girl I agree. I do think all three are necessary, but finance is what's most important.

Sex is important, but what if a couple can no longer have sex. Then what? Finance can make or break a marriage.

Having been married almost 20 years, I'd say finances are important, but communication trumps everything. If you can't communicate well, everything, including finances and intimacy, will suffer.

nittanyalum · #6 04-16-2008, 10:01 PM

I co-sign MysticCat. Being able to (or learning to) talk about everything, including issues about finances and sex, is paramount. If you have open communication, you can tackle and overcome most anything in your relationship.

KSUViolet06 · #7 04-17-2008, 12:44 AM

Communication is most important. If you can't communicate, you can't effectively discuss anything that might be going on. Once you stop communicating, it's all downhill.

PrettyBoy · #8 04-17-2008, 02:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Having been married almost 20 years, I'd say finances are important, but communication trumps everything. If you can't communicate well, everything, including finances and intimacy, will suffer.

I agree here. Communication is everything, because it's related to both sex and finances. Now, I do think sex is just as important as communication, at least it is for me. I think men and women are different so I think a lot of it depends on that. I don't worry too much about finances because that all comes with education and the proper training.

So sex and communication are equally important for me.

AKA_Monet · #9 04-17-2008, 02:24 AM

Like Mystic said Communications (verbal, non verbal and telepathic

) is > sex/intimacy > = finances.

If you cannot tell your partner anything in a declarative sentence, the sex/intimacy could be spetacular and he or she could be a multi-gajillionaire--lack of communication (verbal, nonverbal or otherwise) will instantly neutralize any form of relationship. Generally, it turns the relationship into a fling or a hustle/pimpin situation.

WhiteDaisy128 · #10 04-17-2008, 06:57 AM

I'd also say communication. If you are not open to talk about things, sex will be bad and finances will suffer (not related to sex). You must at all times have an open and honest relationship where you communicate your financial and sexual ideas.

cheerfulgreek · #11 04-17-2008, 09:24 AM

I hear about divorce happening more over finances than anything. I don't know if communication is the root of the problem that couples are overlooking, but it just seems like it's always over finances. I see a lot of prenups too. The 1st thing couples think about before they get married or have kids is money. I very rarely hear about communication being the main problem.

33girl · #12 04-17-2008, 09:49 AM

Yeah, I was answering as to what is the biggest cause of divorce - not what is the most important thing in a relationship.

MysticCat · #13 04-17-2008, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I very rarely hear about communication being the main problem.

It probably is, though. Like nittanyalum and others have said, if you can communicate well, you can probably work out the finance differences.

33girl · #14 04-17-2008, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MysticCat

It probably is, though. Like nittanyalum and others have said, if you can communicate well, you can probably work out the finance differences.

Disagree.

If you've been raised to scrimp and save and never buy anything on credit, you're going to have a BIG problem if you marry someone whose motto is basically "Charge now, worry later."

You can communicate about it until you're blue in the face, but if that's your financial style, or unless you're rebelling (i.e. my parents were tightwads, I'm going to spend like Trump) it's awfully hard to change. It's kind of like faking sexual attraction to someone.

The first Mr. 33 and I had major financial issues, and this was when we were 18 & 21. I can't even IMAGINE what a clusterphruck it would have been if we'd gotten married.

MysticCat · #15 04-17-2008, 10:39 AM

^^^ Still have to disagree with you. If you and your significant other have such different approaches to finance and you don't figure it out and work it out prior to marriage, the real problem is not that you have different financial styles, but that you failed to communicate openly and honestly about whether your different financial styles could find a compromise or otherwise co-habitate.

Sure, sometimes you get married with your eyes as open as you though they could be, and then you get a financial surprise. But I still say that, more often than not, good communication can lead to some kind of solution, even if its completely separate finances. I know plenty of couples who do that.