Continuous Recruitment Question

ukjjmom · #1 02-28-2008, 02:29 PM

My daughter was invited to a couple CR functions from the sorority she "suicided" during formal rush in the fall but didn't get a bid from. When she left the function last night, the potential members were told "keep your phones on you, we'll call you about the rest of the week." She never got a call. Would it be appropriate for her to contact the chapter? She is beside herself wondering if they are done with her (and I seriously think that in the interest of good manners someone would call anyway). Thoughts?

cuteASAbug · #2 02-28-2008, 02:31 PM

I know that she's hurt right now, but it's not in her best interest to call. She didn't get a bid through formal or informal and was told they would call her if they were interested and didn't. If she calls, she will look desperate and like one of the girls from our Weird Rush Stories thread.

skylark · #3 02-28-2008, 02:47 PM

I agree with cuteASAbug. While I agree with you that in a proper world, every PNM would receive a call regardless, collegiate members are not always famous for their attention to manners.

I wonder if perhaps there is another group on campus that might welcome your daughter. Remind her that a positive sorority experience does not depend on whether you get into your first choice sorority. Not every sorority is perfect, but once you become a member and leader in the sorority, you can help change it for the better. I personally wouldn't want to join a group if I had to beg them to join... I'd hope that they were the kind of women who saw the good in me and wanted me as much as I wanted them.

If there is truly no other group on campus your daughter feels she will gain a positive experience from (which I think is highly unlikely, even if that is her current perception) then there are plenty of other opportunities to get involved in other campus activities and I think it is best if your daughter focuses on those instead of this unfortunate experience.

33girl · #4 02-28-2008, 03:16 PM

Continuous Open Bidding is just that - OPEN. Maybe the chapter only had a few spots open right and they went to other girls. That doesn't mean they are "done" with your daughter. It could be that the other girls have been coming to events for multiple semesters.

I know it seems rude for them not to call, but there's really no good way to say "someone other than you got a bid." Tell her to keep in contact with the sisters if this is a group she is still interested in, and to check out the other sororities as well. Were they the only group she was invited back to in formal rush?

gee_ess · #5 02-28-2008, 05:12 PM

All posts above give you good advice, but as a mom, I bet you are really feeling all of the angst and emotion your daughter is feeling! I sympathize!

It is unfortunate that they all but told her to sit by her phone and wait for them to call about the rest of the week...sounds a little misleading. Are there other activities that they are calling about or was this THE call about a bid?

As a mom, give your daughter kudos for participating in COB and encourage her to remain open-minded about all of the opportunities that are available on her campus...including another group. It sounds like she is putting all of her focus on this one group since she suicided. I am a big believer in the saying all things happen for a reason" and without going into my own personal story, it is quite possible that this one of those "unanswered prayers" that Garth Brooks sings about.

SydneyK · #6 02-28-2008, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ukjjmom

When she left the function last night ...She never got a call.

I realize that in your daughter's situation, 24 hours is an excruciatingly long time to wait. It hasn't even been that long. Don't write off getting that call just yet. There's still a chance they'll be calling her.

Unless, of course, the ladies told the PNMs that they'll receive a call by a specific time and that time has passed.

Regardless, I agree with those who have said it would be inappropriate for her to call the chapter.

violetpretty · #7 02-29-2008, 12:41 PM

I'm sorry to hear that your daughter did not get a bid. As for whether they are "done" with her, I really think that this is a case of "recruitment as a numbers game". She wasn't high enough to match when she suicided in the fall, but she was on their bid list. Somebody with some pull had to have liked her to invite her to the COB party. If they could only take 5 women through COB, and they invited 10, well, obviously not all of those women get bids.

If your daughter still wants to be in a sorority, she should try again next fall, but she should try to be open to more chapters (perhaps the one(s) where she attended preference but did not rank). I don't know which school she attends, and therefore how kind or rough her school is to sophomores.

My chapter never called women who didn't get bids during informal. Face it, who wants to have the conversation "Um, sorry, you weren't offered a bid".

ukjjmom · #8 02-29-2008, 03:35 PM

Thanks to all who responded -- your insights were most helpful and most appreciated! btw, she never heard back. The only thing I want to add (for any current members who are reading) is that you probably should either tell the PNMs "you'll get a call by 10 tonight if you are invited back" OR call and tell them "we just didn't have enough spots" rather than have the girls wondering what is up. It is really really hard not to know. Although I understand its hard to give bad news, saving yourself a minute of discomfort at the expense of someone else's hours or days of painful waiting is simply unacceptable.

NutBrnHair · #9 02-29-2008, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ukjjmom

Thanks to all who responded -- your insights were most helpful and most appreciated! btw, she never heard back. The only thing I want to add (for any current members who are reading) is that you probably should either tell the PNMs "you'll get a call by 10 tonight if you are invited back" OR call and tell them "we just didn't have enough spots" rather than have the girls wondering what is up. It is really really hard not to know. Although I understand its hard to give bad news, saving yourself a minute of discomfort at the expense of someone else's hours or days of painful waiting is simply unacceptable.

I totally understand what you are saying. I am truly sorry it happened to your daughter.

Sadly, (albeit realistically) it's not just unique to the Greek experience. Ever have a date say, "Hey, I'll call you tomorrow!" or a job interview that ends, "We'll be in touch."

ukjjmom · #10 02-29-2008, 05:48 PM

Sadly, I realize this does happen in life. But, don't you expect more from a group of educated, classy women than from a random man or heartless corporation? As a sorority woman (my chapter did not do CR) and a professional, I certainly do. I commend the advisor who has her chapter write a short note to the disappointed young women. I also think it makes sense to give them a timeframe within which they will be called if they are to be invited back. Either solution makes a phone call from the chapter unnecessary (as the responses above make clear this is a highly undesirable task) and is FAR preferable to leaving the young woman "hanging."

LionInMI · #11 02-29-2008, 04:54 PM

Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's experience and I understand those who say they don't call the PNMs, I think that's too awkward a situation for many of the women to handle. At the chapter I advise, if there is a PNM coming/that came to COR events that they know they're not going to bid, they send a short written note (no email) telling them they appreciate the PNMs interest and their time in coming to the events, but the chapter is not going to be extending them a bid at this time. I don't think any particular "reason" is necessary, that might stray into membership selection territory. The letter probably still isn't too enjoyable for the PNM to receive, but at least it's some feedback and closure on both sides.