advice needed...

ASUADPi · #1 02-25-2007, 11:58 PM

So I met this guy via match.com. He contacted me. I liked his profile and we started emailing. Well last Monday we went on our first date. Well, I guess you can say it was a typical first "blind" date. The conversation was awkward and slow. There were times where I felt I was carrying the whole conversation and like I was talking to much. The silence was uncomfortable. He was very nice and respectful though, so when he asked me on a second date I agreed, figuring I should give him a second chance.

Today was the second date and yeah I was counting down the time until the date ended. I hate to say that. I was so uncomfortable. It was awkward. There was literally a time where we didn't talk for like 6 minutes (we were waiting in line for a ride).

My question is, how do I tell him I'm not interested in dating him? In all honesty I've never been the "rejector". I don't want to sound mean, but how do I tell him, nicely, that there is no chemistry between us. I mean I wasn't attracted to him in any way, physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually, nothing. And I've been on dates where I've had the attraction, just not with him. He's a great guy, he's just not the guy for me. I don't want to lead him on, but I don't want to be harsh either.

sdsuchelle · #2 02-26-2007, 04:39 AM

If he calls you to ask for another date, just tell him the truth. Say something like, "I think you're a really nice guy, but I just don't feel any chemistry between us." If he gets all weird and protests or whatever, then say "I'm just not that into you." haha.

Scandia · #3 02-26-2007, 07:45 AM

At least you are feeling the NO. With the last guy I dated, though I certainly was not attracted to him (and my friends pointed out they could tell about the lack of chemistry in various dimensions from the way I talked about him- physical, mental, emotional), I was not quite feeling a strong NEVER either.

When this guy declared his feelings for me at the end of the third date (which I really had to ponder about going to, and which I prevented from being prolonged even though I did not cut it short), I told him that my feelings were not at that level but that he was a great person and absolutely nothing in his essence/status/actions/omissions is responsible for my not feeling the same way for him. That you are just not feeling any chemistry.

Definitely don't force yourself. Especially if you are feeling a definite clear NO.