Dating someone with a mental illness

[PM_Mama00]

Have any of you ever dated someone with a mental illness, such as being bi-polar? What was/is your experience like? Any advice?

[SydneyK]

This is probably going to sound completely insensitive, but since you asked...

When I was in college, I dated a guy who was bi-polar. It was an extremely difficult relationship (if you could call it a relationship). We went out for only a couple of months before I realized that I simply would not be able to cope with his situation. He was on meds (some kind of lithium-type drug I believe) and, while they helped, he still had mood swings that I just couldn't handle.

I imagine there are varying degrees of this illness, and some might be more affected than others. I have no idea where he would've been on that "affected range"... it really didn't matter much. I learned that I simply am not cut out to be with someone who has to take drugs to be normal.

If you're considering dating someone who is bi-polar, you'll need to be prepared to be on the receiving end of whatever mood swings he goes through. Some days will be great; some days will be unbearable. It all just depends on how well you can handle the roller coaster.

[carnation]

My brother married a woman who was bipolar. When she was up she was great! But when she was down, she wouldn't take her meds and one day he came home from the base at 6 and she was still asleep and their toddlers had gotten into the freezer and were desperately trying to get some food. It went downhill after that and she returned to Korea.

Now my brother-in-law is engaged to a bipolar woman. I hope it works out better for him but apparently, some sufferers never get a hold on their disease.

[PM_Mama00]

Well that's the thing. We were together for almost 2 months. I was with him and then found out that he had lied about everything in our relationship, except for the fact that he liked me alot. The last week before he got diagnosed was unbearable. He was snap at me, go off on me, and just started treating me not so great. Then one night he drank and took some generic xanax and..... well he got diagnosed finally and is on his meds. Seems to be doing well. Obviously we decided that things weren't gona work out but I'm wondering if it's even worth it to still be friends with him.

[Kevin]

I dated a bipolar girl for a few months. Eventually, she hooked up with one of my friends, no big deal, I just sort of stopped calling. I run into her at some restaurant where she's hostessing a few months later. Apparently between the time we dated, and then, she had attempted suicide four times, been diagnosed bipolar/manic depresseive, but she was better now and wanted me to call her sometime.

I didn't call.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by ktsnake

Apparently between the time we dated, and then, she had attempted suicide four times, been diagnosed bipolar/manic depresseive, but she was better now and wanted me to call her sometime.

Whoa!

[Munchkin03]

It depends on if they're receiving treatment, whether it's medication or therapy.

Honestly, with so many people who are being treated for unipolar depression/bipolar disorder/anxiety disorders/schizophrenia, it might be more and more difficult to find someone who doesn't have one of these disorders or a history of them.

[PM_Mama00]

He's receiving treatment now, but it's only been a week or so. It's hard because I care about him so much and still want to be there as a friend, but I don't know if I should be worried about my personal safety with him or not.

[James]

It doesn't matter per se whether they are getting treatment are not.

What matters is how they act towards you and whether you like that treatment.

If someone treats you badly they treat you badly, does it suddenly make it ok if they happen to have some medical diagnosis?

Its their responsibility to control themseves, not yours to put up with them.

So in regards to how they behave towards you, judge their actions the same way you would judge anyone else.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by James

It doesn't matter per se whether they are getting treatment are not.

What matters is how they act towards you and whether you like that treatment.

You've never been close to someone who needed psychiatric treatment but wasn't getting it, have you?

My best friend from college was bipolar. When she was actually going to see her shrink and taking her meds, which was 75% of the time, she was AWESOME. Fun to be around and exciting, creative, but on an even keel. She was very loyal, trustworthy, and a solid person to be around.

That other 25% of the time, when she was cancelling her appointments and not taking her meds, it was hell. She would disappear for days on drunken or drug binges, and would come back disheveled and unbathed. She would spend thousands of dollars and have nothing to show for it in the end. She was still a very loyal person, but when she wasn't taking care of herself, she became very needy.

Unfortunately, I have to use the past tense because she killed herself two years ago next month. She stopped taking her meds and it just went downhill.

So, when you say it's not an issue of treatment v. not being treated, you are sadly mistaken. Every single person I've known who has had a close friend/significant other with a mental disorder that requires medicine says that being treated makes all the difference.

But, you tend to be wrong about most interpersonal relationships, so why should I expect anything more?

-----

Phil, I understand to some extent what you're going through. I think the best thing for both of you is to spend time apart while he starts his treatment. The first few months of psychiatric treatment tend to be very difficult on the patient. Maybe in two or three months, you can really attempt to be real friends.

[James]

I thought my post was clearer when I wrote it.

If someone is on medication and they treat you badly, they treat you badly.

If they go on and off treatment and they treat you ok when on it and they treat you badly when off it, then you have to make a judgement whether that is for you.

If they are being treated and behave wonderfully towards you this whole thread would be moot.

However, its not your responsibility to try to therapy them or make excuses for them when they are off treatment, its just your responsibility to assess how ok you are with the situation. If they are mean to you one day out of the year its no big deal, if its three days a week . . .

This applies more to a significant other situation because you are a lot more vulnerable emotionally to him/her. So if he/she is wildly unpredictable and hurtful you are in for a rough time.

I don't think anyone here likes emotional pain enough to court it.

And your last comment was unnecessasrily attacking to counter a point of view you simply disagree with.

[QUOTE=Munchkin03]

So, when you say it's not an issue of treatment v. not being treated, you are sadly mistaken. Every single person I've known who has had a close friend/significant other with a mental disorder that requires medicine says that being treated makes all the difference.

But, you tend to be wrong about most interpersonal relationships, so why should I expect anything more?

-----

[QUOTE]

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

Originally Posted by PM_Mama00

Have any of you ever dated someone with a mental illness, such as being bi-polar? What was/is your experience like? Any advice?

Just an FYI but I'm pretty sure there's an old thread on this exact topic (cuz I know I've answered this question before).

I dated a bi-polar guy who refused to stay on any medication and I gave up after a month (he had other personality issues). I could deal with his manic state.

[amycat412]

the ex mr amycat is bi polar and unmedicated. it was an extremely dramatic and difficult relationship. bi polar people do not think or behave rationally. walking on eggshells was the norm.

i suppose it might have made a difference if he were in treatment, but i don't know.

[ragtimerose]

I'm OK...as long as I'm medicated. Having bipolar disorder has its challenges, and it has definitely affected my relationships, both with family and with significant others.

Thank Goddess I have an SO who understands. I've had to educate him, as well as educate members of my family, about what bipolar illness is and what it can do.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by SmartBlondeGPhB

Just an FYI but I'm pretty sure there's an old thread on this exact topic (cuz I know I've answered this question before).

Thread