Controversial Topic #782: What is your opinion on Pre-Nuptial Agreements?

CutiePie2000 · #1 04-30-2003, 01:08 PM

I thought I would throw this into the mix, because I wanted to know what you all had to say...I have to say, after seeing some divorces in my friends and family, I am all in favor of the pre-nuptial agreements; I suppose I have become somewhat disillusioned with the idea of ever lasting love and singing "Kumbaya" as you drive off into the sunset together after exchanging vows.... Discuss!

Peaches-n-Cream · #2 04-30-2003, 01:31 PM

If I had a significant amount of money or my family did, I would want a pre-nuptual agreement. I have no plans to marry right now so it is really just a hypothetical question. I have seen a few bad divorces, and a pre-nup might have made things less complicated.

33girl · #3 04-30-2003, 01:37 PM

Sigh.

I think it is better if it can come as an advisement from the lawyers or a condition in the parents' will(s) rather than the bride or groom directly. It's like the "am I fat" question, there is no right answer!

If you're talking two Hollywood stars though, or extremely well off society people, I don't think anyone would be offended...it's just part of life for them.

mu_agd · #4 04-30-2003, 01:46 PM

after i inherited some money a few years back people have always said that i should think about having one when i get married. but part of me has always felt that if you have one you are going into this marriage thinking that it is going to fail. luckily, i am in no way close to getting married at all so i don't have to worry about that... and my sister, who inherited the same amount as me, is getting married in two months and she doesn't have one. i guess that if it was a hugely significant amount of money then i would think about it, but i don't know if i could approach whoever i was going to marry with one...

The1calledTKE · #5 04-30-2003, 01:49 PM

If I had a million dollars of course I would agree with a pre nupt. If you both don't have alot there is no point.

CutiePie2000 · #6 04-30-2003, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by mu_agd
after i inherited some money a few years back people have always said that i should think about having one when i get married. ........ and my sister, who inherited the same amount as me, is getting married in two months and she doesn't have one.

For the love of God, if your sister puts a large portion of payment into a house or any investment for that matter, make sure that it is well documented and in WRITING. My sister just got divorced after 16 years of marriage and 4 children. Did she think that her marriage would fail? No.
My point is, people CHANGE. I also want to emphasize that people think that the law will "punish" the wrong doer. Make no mistake my friends, it won't.

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
Sigh.
I think it is better if it can come as an advisement from the lawyers or a condition in the parents' will(s) rather than the bride or groom directly.

Good point, 33. I also think that if people get married later in life, or perhaps it's not the first marriage, it might be an easier to topic to broach. Let's just say, I am considerably LESS idealistic than I was in my 20s!

mu_agd · #7 04-30-2003, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by CutiePie2000
For the love of God, if your sister puts a large portion of payment into a house, make sure that it is well documented and in WRITING.

funny you should mention that, they are looking at houses right now and i believe she is planning on taking some of that money for it.... hhmmm....

CutiePie2000 · #8 04-30-2003, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by mu_agd
funny you should mention that, they are looking at houses right now and i believe she is planning on taking some of that money for it.... hhmmm....

Also, I'm not sure if your parents are giving money to your sister, but if they are, make sure that it is clearly documented as a gift to HER, not both of them. Otherwise he can take half of that "gift". (or have them do up some sort of a promissary repayment note that they both sign).

Can you tell that there was recently an ugly divorce in my family?
Oy.....

LeslieAGD · #9 04-30-2003, 05:19 PM

Jury's out on pre-nups...I just think it's sad that many people are starting to need them.

ToBeSororityGrl · #10 04-30-2003, 06:05 PM

I've always thought a pre-nup couldn't hurt. While I'd love to believe that me and the future will be together forever if not, I'd like to know that I'll be able to be on my two feet while that whole ordeal would be going on you know? I don't know though. My guy and I have discussed prenups before and I belive he's strictly against it because of that idea that I wouldn't think the marriage would last.

Does anyone know how much they cost? I guess if you really wanted one you could say well I'll pay for it even though I know we will last?

aurora_borealis · #11 04-30-2003, 06:18 PM

My old boyfriend made it clear there would be one if we got married, and it didn't bother me. We both have property and money in trust (combination of gifts and inheritance) so it makes things easier. We argued about which family heirloom ring we'd use, not a prenup. Though after I thought about it I saw value in it. I learned a bit in business law about inheritance, and I plan to go into law anyway, so it isn't an issue. Mine will contain very specific items; things I have inherited from my grandmothers and father that I want to stay in my family. Not that I do not trust my future husband if anything happens to me, but if something happens to him, we're childless, or other people are "helping out" after my death, I want certain things to go to my sister. Ownership of possessions changes with marriage, so I'd prefer to make it clear. If I have no children, or extremely young children; everything that is an heirloom from my birth family goes to my biological sister. Any jewelry I'd want her to wear and enjoy until any daughters are old enough to appreciate it. The only two young men in my life serious to discuss marriage with understood this and felt the same way about their siblings. Though most of this could also be addressed in a will...

Kevin · #12 04-30-2003, 06:25 PM

If you have a huge inheritance and a lot of property going into the thing, why should your s/o be entitled to half if you split?

midwesterngirl · #13 04-30-2003, 06:47 PM

How many states have community property laws?

I don't think that prenups are a bad idea.It may imply that you think the marriage won't last but you have to be sensible.I would sign one in a heartbeat because I think it implys that I am not a gold digger.If I had a significant amount of money and or property and my prospective spouse wouldn't sign one,I would wonder what their intentions really were.Cynical maybe but realistic. I have seen too many friends and family members think that it wouldn't happen to them.It can and does happen to anyone.

DigitalAngel126 · #14 04-30-2003, 07:12 PM

I'm not like MAJORLY for them, but they can't hurt: Case in point: My parents split after 28 years of marriage....Nothing was singularly either of theirs, and the courts ended up favoring my mom (no problem i guess), but there was quite a bit of money involved (stocks, bonds, retirement, etc), and it makes me SICK that my step-dad is going to be retiring on 25% of my DAD'S well-earned money.

Livid would probably be a better word, actually. Either way, it pisses me off.....That money is supposed to be for my MOM, not for my mom and Gary-the-Nazi!

AlphaGamDiva · #15 04-30-2003, 07:34 PM

-sigh- call me a dreamer/romantic/an idiot....but i would be SOO upset if my man was like, "hun, we gotta do this pre-nup thing b/4 i agree to marry you." i just need a lil more trust in the institution of marriage (and this is just me here, everyone has their own thang and that's cool), and when i give my extatic YES when whoever-dude-is proposes to me, that's it. i was witness to a very depressing wedding followed by a very messy divorce, so i won't even say yes to the idea of marriage unless i KNOW that my hunnie is just as dedicated to sticking through the good, bad, and ugly as i am. i know that marriage isn't always easy, that ppl change....but to feel the need for "just in case" would totally kill the mood for me. plus the fact i would like to think that both of us could be mature enough to know what is who's and leave it at that.

aaaah....to dream the impossible dream.......