Are you close to your Big/Lil?

[ZetaLuvBunny]

Maybe I have an idealogical view that most people should be best friends or at least very close to their Bigs/Lils.

I have already put in a lot of time painting and decorating so my little (whoever she may end up being) can have really unique special things. I am just a little fearful of ending up with a little that will drop out for some reason or another, or end up not being very compatable with me, because I know once I get a little I will be very dedicated to making sure she feels welcome and at home in our sisterhood.

What are YOUR thoughts on the importance of Bigs/Lils, and what are your personal experiences with your Big/Lil? Do you wish you could have had someone else as your Big or Little? Have you had any particularly wonderful/awful experiences regarding this? Any suggestions for finding a little you can really click with?

[33girl]

My big was the best. She was a mentor in every sense of the word, not to mention the prettiest and coolest girl in the chapter (IMO). My 2big and 3big were awesome also. We had fun together, and she was always there for me. We now work in the same building, albeit 30 floors apart.

My little pledged with her roommate and best friend, and while I liked her a lot, I think that she was so independent I didn't get to play as much of a mentor role as I wanted to - plus she was always with her best friend. We got along well, but I never felt the same relationship w/ her I had w/ my big. My little little I refer to as my little - she pledged partly cause of me, and she is my best friend. So I do feel a little better that it was kept "in the family."

My only recommendation would be don't pick someone as a little who comes in as part of a "package deal" - they tend to already be tight w/ the people they pledged with. If you have freshman rush though, that probably won't happen.

[pinkyphimu]

i can understand your frustration. i am very close with my big sister. even years after we both have graduated, we talk regularly and we meet for dinner monthly. when she first became my big, i wasn't sure that we would click so much. she was very quiet, so i didn't know her that well. we did make time to meet outside of phi mu activities. it was usually for dinner or to watch friends. i found out that she wasn't nearly as quiet as everyone thought!!! she has turned out to be a very wonderful friend and i wouldn't trade her for the world. the thing is that we took the time to get to know one another. we also didn't become instant best friends. it wasn't until my second year, that we became really close.

now, my little, on the other hand.....my chapter was small at the time and sisters did not choose their littles...only littles chose bigs.
i liked the person that i was given. she and i had the same major, had a few other interests in common, but she was also really quiet. i tried soooooo hard to get that girl to talk to me. we would meet for dinner and she would just sit there quietly. her best friend was also my twin, so we would have family dinners and we just weren't able to make any connections. i can't say that we really did give it a good chance. i hated that i wasn't close with my little, especially since i had the greatest big, but i didn't know what to do. my twin hasn't talked to my big since her graduation. my little and i haven't talked to each other since my graduation.

my advice: try to get to know your big outside of zeta. pick a day that you meet every week for lunch or for dinner. invite her to the library for a study session. find something that you both have to do and see when you can do it together! this will give you a low pressure way to start to get to know each other. the one thing that i have learned is that the big/little relationship has many unrealistic expectatations. you think that you will be soulmates or best friends forever, but most of the time, it doesn't happen that way. make your best effort to get to know that person, but don't feel like a failure if you don't make it work. if your little happens to transfer, that doesn't mean you can never speak again!! there are no sure fire methods to picking "the right" person. plus, some people may not think the relationship is as important as you do. if all else fails, you can always adopt a little!!

to end this on a positive note: i had an adopted little in college. she and i still talk regularly and see each other whenever we can. a few months ago, i was at homecoming and a sister who i had always wished was my little and i knew always wished that i was her big started talking about bigs/ littles. i told her that i would adopt her as my little....and i did. so 5 years after graduation, i got a new little!! we talk weekly (which we hadn't until after homecoming) and we made plans to meet in a few weeks when i will be in the state. it is never too late to get a great little sis!!!

[DZTUBAGIRL]

The story with me and my big started out really funny. When we were matched up and the new member ed person called my big and told her that she got me she was totally shocked. Everyone was afraid that I wouldn't like her. She was really afraid that I hated her. I had never given her that idea because I had only talked to her a couple of times. When I found out who she was I was really excited. Everyone was so relieved that I was happy with her.
The rest of that semester was great. We spent every afternoon with each other, doing homework, having dinner, just hanging out. Well this semester she moved off campus and she has totally changed. I hardly ever see her. She is either working, studying, with her roomate (who I can't stand) and she never has time for me. She thinks that if we eat lunch once a week that we are hanging out. I guess I just expected more out of our friendship than she did.
She was in the sorority 3 years before she got a little. I am starting to believe that she just likes the idea of having a little, not really wanted me. I might just be too sensitive, oh well.
Anne Marie

Sorry for rambling on so much...

[CardinalSM]

My big sister and I have become super close. We clicked instantly because we had the same sense of humor and are really goofy. Actually, some people think we carry our jokes and goofiness overboard. We on the other hand think we are the funniest people alive We hang out all the time and I honestly feel like I could tell her anything. She is extremely busy (she took like 19 hrs last semester) but she always makes time to hang out with me outside of Chi O stuff. Sunday is our day to do stuff together: we go to church and then to lunch and then at night we meet in the library to study together after chapter. Even if we don't hang out during the week, we always see each other on Sunday! She resolved at the beginning when she decided to take a little, that she was going to be "the best damn big sis ever!" And, oh my goodness, she has! I don't think I could ask for anything more out of my relationship with my big, and I definitely know how lucky I am to have such a great relationship with her because a lot of my pledge sisters don't hang out with their bigs much. She rocks my face off

[AOcutiePi2002]

When it comes to picking a big sis, the all of the new members get a new sponsor every week that they meet with and get to know. After a few weeks, they get to pick who they want for their big and the older girls pick who they want for their littles.

My big sis and I hit it off immeadiately!! We met for lunch, and she was invited to my birthday dinner a couple of weeks later. We knew that we were meant to be, so it was an easy choice for both of us. The two of us would get together once a week or so and hang out with my big big sis as well.

I had a similar experience with my little sis this fall. I met with her and we had dinner with a couple of other sisters and really enjoyed talking to each other. She even mentioned that she was sad that when we got back from fall break, I wouldn't be her sponsor anymore. We talk online a lot and go to dinner sometimes.

I can't wait to see them both when i get back!!!


Lacey

[astroAPhi]

My big sister rocks. I knew I wanted her as my big sis from day one and I told her so. She's two years older than me and also from Illinois, and she was also an aerospace engineering major. She just got a job after graduation at United Space Alliance as a structural engineer for the shuttle orbiter!

While she is a little bit better of a student, we're both very strong academically and were in quite a few organizations together. When she was President of Student Ambassadors, I was Secretary, and she was so excited when I was elected Vice President the following year. She's just great. She was Greek Woman of the Year the spring after I was initiated, so I was so proud of her. She had been Panhellenic President and worked her butt off and was just amazing. She's talented in so many ways, and on top of that, is an amazing Alpha Phi who knows what sisterhood is all about.

I'm hoping to get a Little soon. The thing is though, that I want to have as great of a relationship with her as I do with my Big Sis. I want her to want ME, not just end up with me. I just don't want a girl to be disappointed to be my little because I would have been disappointed with anyone else but Jenn.

However, a girl who I've known for years and is now a student at Florida Tech is thinking about rushing finally. She told me a few years ago that she wanted to join my sorority and be my little sister. She is like my real-life little sister already and I am very excited and I really hope that she joins Alpha Phi because I think it will do so much for her, and I think she will do a lot for the organization. We'll see after next week!

[ZetaLuvBunny]

I totally understand the "package deal" thing, as many girls tend to be closest to those who were in the same dorm, rush group, classes, etc, before they became sisters. Unfortunatley for me, none of the girls I knew from my dorm ended up being Zetas, and many didn't even rush, so I felt sort of alone until I got to know my sisters. Now a lot of the sisters I have hung out with the most are graduating or going Alum within the next year or so, while I'm only a sophomore.

[cntryZTA5]

My big is the first ZTA I met during Formal Recruitment. She is the one that picked me up at the door, we instantly cliqued. She was the ZTA who "preffed" me as well. We have been extremely close friends ever since! I feel so lucky to have her as my big. She was very active in the chapter and served as a great role model. We also have a lot of things in common. In fact, we got engaged within a month of each other. She was in my wedding in 2001, and I was in hers August 2002. Our husbands even have a lot of similar personality traits!

I also have a little that I am not quite as close too, but we still talk all of the time. I have been alum for about two years, and she is getting ready to graduate, so we're not able to hang out very often. However, I think that we have a great relationship and also have many similar interests.

I'm also lucky that our entire "family" is close. My grand lil sis had a "family" gathering over Christmas break including my big down to my great great grand lil sis!!

[dzandiloo]

My big is the coolest. I didn't know her too well when it came time to pick bigs, but she had gone out of her way when she was my pledge pal (as pledges, we were assigned a different active every week for about 6 weeks to get to know them) to spend time with me outside of DZ functions, so I picked her, and it turned out to be the best decision ever. She was always there for me in every respect, and is someone I credit with who I am today.

My littles were slightly different--it was a mutual process in our chapter, kind of like bid matching, and all my li'ls were my first choice (I have 3 official, 1 adopted when her big turned in her badge). My first official was fun & energetic & I loved hanging out with her. My second, I hate to say it, guilted me into taking a little that semester (the old "I'll depledge if you dont' pick me as your li'l"...which I fell for). I had nothing in common with her, and she complained alot about DZ and I couldn't deal with it. She ended up turning in her badge after I graduated & I haven't heard from her since. Third little has become one of my best friends...we clashed a little while we were still in school, but now that we are "grown-ups" we have a special bond.

Bigs/Lils are pretty important in my opinion. I don't think everyone should be allowed to take one (harsh, I know).... It sounds like you are putting alot of thought into it thought-and your little will be so fortunate to have you.

[AngelPhiSig]

My family is kinda cut-throat about getting who we want... My big fought for me... and we were close until she kinda distanced herself from the sorority because of stress...and I so understand... our family also has this thing with people usually not liking us... (yes its happening to me too - yet they all like my little...)

I wanted my little for my little the second I met her... and she wasnt rushing yet! I knew her through her best friend... and I was like "DOOD, thats my little!" I was so happy she waited until Spring!

We chose my two little Jen, together. I told Sarah, my lil, that Jen was totally awesome and when she met her, she agreed! (Jen is SO my mini me!!!!) She also broke the family curse! (more on that in a sec!)

We all again, chose Erin, my three little (Im showing my age...) she was a bit crazy like all of us...but it worked!

**My Phi Sig family curse...
The farthest I know back is Nicole, my 3. Nicole had a little...she got in...and then disaffiliated. Then she got Maura. Maura got a little, Julie... Julie got a little... Brianne... Brianne got in, disaffilated, Julie got me (second time is sooo much better!) I was told that I was not allowed to leave, and I took it to heart, thinking about it when I had hard times and wanted to... then I got Sarah... Sarah got Jen... Jen got in... AND STAYED! And broke the curse!! It goes farther back than Nicole!


My TBS big, we arent really close... we kinda just dont click... but my TBS little... she was already my friend!!!!

[DGTracy]

When I pledged I wasn't really that close to my big, but she was the only one I was closest to at the time and I was so happy that she was my big. She ended up not coming back this semester so my grandbig adopted me. We're kind of close, but not really. I'm totally not even that close to my little. Before we even found out who are little's were, she got close to my roommate and they're like best friend's. Whenever my little and I see each other it's just like "hi how are you?" Maybe when she moves in we'll get closer.

[ChiOqt]

My big has become my best friend in the world. We are exactly alike. We think the same things at the same times, call each other at the same time, and complete each others sentences....sometimes it's a little scary We've helped each other so much and she's the one person that I know will always be there no matter what and stand by me whether I'm wrong or right. We even got best big/lil for our chapter! yay. We are having our first fight....and I don't know how to deal
However, I'm not as close to my little and she's not as close with her second little, but our family is very close all together. We're by far the craziest family in the chapter

[sweetie adpi]

being an independent person, and taking on positions in the sorority fairly early on while i was a sister meant that i didn't necessarily look to my diamond for a ton of mentor-type influence... but she has an amazing sense of humor, and i really can't see myself with anyone else as a big... same for my little diamond... she and i are a little closer, i rushed her and really encouraged her to join... and she's awesome, but even if i wasn't close with the two of them personally - i know that i could always depend on them as sisters, which is an amazing feeling, and i have so many other close and special friendships with other sisters that i could never feel that i wasn't a special part of my chapter.

now, in adpi, we no longer have bigs and littles, we have diamond sisters... however we do tend to still refer to each other as bigs and littles to differentiate between one another. diamonds are to be randomly assigned according to those who meet the requirements -- grades, financial responsibilities, etc. -- the earlier that diamonds are assigned the better, in fact our e.o. really emphasizes diamond matching on bid day... but it has to be done within that first week or so if not that first day... we try to make matches so that girls have something in common, or know one another through recruitment, or they preffed the new member, or what not... and have a nice fun diamond revealing activity, so that the girls get to know their diamond chain, but the first day, they get to know their pride the best.... they are the group of sisters that runs to the new member's door and picks her up on bid day (along with a violet sister, the specific person who reads the new member her bid card... this is an unofficial position, but does allow a one-on-one relationship to quickly develop within the chapter).

the way that our organization is really trying to get the chapters to use diamond sisters are as a mentor, sponsor for initiation, and another liason to the chapter to welcome new members, but ideally the chapter should place more emphasis on welcoming the new members into a "pride" -like lions-get it?

within the chapter, prides are small groups of sisters, and throughout the new member period should be trying to form a relationship and get to know the new member. the idea is that the while the new member can form a close relationship one on one, a small group of sisters can form a close relationship as well, taking pressure off the diamond sister in case she doesn't have the closest/perfect relationship with her "little" and so that she does not necessarily have to spend loads of money on gifts and things... the chapter buys pride gifts for the new member period and initiation.

plus, if, despite all good intentions, the "big/little" relationship isn't as great as one may hope, the new sisters are less likely to feel alienated from the group/drop out if they have other sisters that they have already become friends with and built a relationship with. our advisor phrased it this way - if new members happen to become best friends/have an amazing friendship, that's just a bonus...

like i said, this is ideally how things are supposed to work, but chapters tend to have traditions built when it comes to diamond chains or 'families'... and finding ways to use prides as well as build relationships between these families is good and what we try to do so that new members have a well-rounded and positive experience as they are welcomed into the sisterhood.

[chideltjen]

I didn't get my big until the middle of my pledge semester and then the semester after i was initiated, she went on senior status and graduated after that spring. so she wasn't around as much when i was a newbie. however, we exchange emails and letters and phone calls now and then. we finally saw each other this last semester after being away from each other for 3 years. she is now engaged and is getting married in the summer. i couldn't be happier for her and i know she is thinking of me even tho she is in a different city.

i have two lils. one i live with and have had since my first active semester. we started out kinda awkard cuz i wasn't her first choice and she wasn't mine, but we have lived together as roomies for 2 years now. she got really involved with her boyfriend and work so i didn't see her as much and we didn't really hang out this last semester. but she is going thru a rough breakup now and it created a lot of tension in the apartment. i hope things can get better between us.
my other lil is older than me and i thought we had a lot of odd things in common... her now ex was named Ian (my dad's name) and he lived in Hayward (my hometown). Unfortunately I went alumna last semester so I didn't really get to hang out with her as much except when she was a new member. but we had good lil talks about life and whatnot. and she is fun to party with.
the thing i like the most about my lil is that they are both at least 9 inches taller than me... so they are my big lils