Need Boyfriend Help!

sororityluv1 · #1 10-16-2002, 08:47 AM

Hi Everyone,
I'm new and I wanted some advice from people who can understand. I'm in a local sorority and my boyfriend hates greek life. He doesn't care if I go to sorority events and mixers. He is very patient and honest. I was at a mixer with a frat, and started talking to a real cutie. I ended up drinking too much and ended up hooking up. I feel bad about it and I don't know if my boyfriend will understand. I think I should tell him, but I don't know for sure. Is there any other sisters who understand or who have been in the same situation? Does anybody have any advice?

Bama_Alumna · #2 10-16-2002, 09:31 AM

Do you want to break up with your boyfriend? If that's the case, then tell him ASAP. Get it all out in the open and go your separate ways.

If you don't want to break up with him, then that's a whole other story. Why do you want to tell him? Is it because you feel guilty? Confession may be good for the soul, but it's not always good for the relationship. If it was just a little hook up and now you feel bad and you don't think it will happen again, then keep it to yourself. The guilt will be punishment enough.

(One side note to this: do any of your mutual friends know about the hookup? If there is a STRONG possibility that someone else will tell him, you have two choices. Either break the news to him gently before someone else does it or wait to see what happens...then, if someone else tells him about it, you can say that they don't know what they're talking about!)

Kevin · #3 10-16-2002, 09:55 AM

Well if if you have any intentions of staying with the guy probably best not to tell him. What good could possibly come of that? It's understandable to feel guilty.. but remember you ain't hitched 'til you're hitched.

If the guy can't support you though in your new sorority he's probably not worth the effort. Plenty of fish in the sea for both of you.

AlphaSigLana · #4 10-16-2002, 10:38 AM

I don't mean to sound stupid, but what exaztly is your idea of hooking up? Some people consider hooking up to be sex and some considering it to be kissing and groping. I would hate to find out that someone I was dating hooked up in any way with some one. It would really hurt my feelings. I know that people say that what one doesn't know can't hurt, but my question is will you be able to live with the guilt? If it's going to eat you up inside than you need to tell your bf.

sororitygirl2 · #5 10-16-2002, 10:44 AM

If it is not a big deal and not indicative of your feelings toward him, I don't think you should tell him. I think it is sort of selfish to tell him just so that you can relieve your own guilt and make yourself feel better, because it certainly won't make him feel better. Live with what you did and don't let it happen again.

texas*princess · #6 10-16-2002, 12:10 PM

I think you should tell him. I am all about honesty, and really a relationship should be built on honesty and trust. I think maybe I am a lil old-fashioned, but if a guy i was dating were to do that to ME, I would certainly want to know. From there I would try to see if we could work things out.

I don't see this situation so much like "if you are feeling guilty you should tell him" situation...

Quote:

He is very patient and honest.

You say he is patient and honest with you, why not be honest with him?
But hey, that's just me.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #7 10-16-2002, 04:09 PM

This relationship is not going to work out.

Here's why:

1. He doesn't respect what's important to you (i.e. the sorority, greek life, etc.) and has made that clear.
2. You're hooking up with random guys.

I say scrap things, figure out what you really want/need/would do well with, and start over with someone who represents that.

Peaches-n-Cream · #8 10-16-2002, 04:58 PM

Don't tell him unless you want to break up.

thetakates · #9 10-16-2002, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by HotDamnImAPhiMu
This relationship is not going to work out.

Here's why:

1. He doesn't respect what's important to you (i.e. the sorority, greek life, etc.) and has made that clear.
2. You're hooking up with random guys.

I say scrap things, figure out what you really want/need/would do well with, and start over with someone who represents that.

I agree with this alot! I was dating a guy last year that was not into Greek Life at all and he would make fun of my sisters and give me a hard time because I "paid for my friends". (GOD I HATE THAT! IF I PAY FOR MY FRIENDS I AM DEFINITELY NOT PAYING ENOUGH!!!) I just pretty much stopped talking to him. He made me feel so stupid and I got pissed. Well whatever. I just think the guy you date has to respect your feelings too! And obviously the fact that you hooked up with someone else is a sign that maybe you are feeling something different than he is.