COB discouragement

Hi ! I’m Keri and i’ve been feeling so discouraged. i went through formal fall recruitment in september and dropped the morning of preference. although i had one chapter i was really interested in i knew there was multiple i could see myself in, however the morning i got my schedule i’ve been released/dropped from every single sorority i liked. i decided to try fall cob and had two sororities reach out to me however after a week i have not heard back and my friends already got invited back to their events. i just feel discouraged and that i’ll never find a house that i’ll truly be happy in and enjoy. i’m reluctant to try winter or spring cob as i always get disappointed. it’s more frustrating when you’re always having good conversations and know multiple girls in a chapter and still don’t hear back. i just wanted some advice from the greek community about their cob experience or rush in general.

[FSUZeta]

Keri, I edited your identical post in the Introduction forum so you don't have people replying to multiple identical posts. Now it says "Hi, I'm Keri".

[33girl]

How many groups does your campus have and how many are doing COB? It might be that the groups only have a couple spots open. Your best bet would have probably been to go to the preference party for the sorority that invited you.

[FSUZeta]

What year are you? The reason I ask is you stated that you are reluctant to try winter or spring COB because "you are always disappointed".

Assuming that was not a typo and you are an upperclassman, at many colleges the farther along you are in school, the more difficult it becomes to get a bid to a sorority-especially the most sought after chapters.

You post led me to believe that you DID have some invitations to pref. Is that true?

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

How many groups does your campus have and how many are doing COB? It might be that the groups only have a couple spots open. Your best bet would have probably been to go to the preference party for the sorority that invited you.

This.

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

What year are you? The reason I ask is you stated that you are reluctant to try winter or spring COB because "you are always disappointed".

Assuming that was not a typo and you are an upperclassman, at many colleges the farther along you are in school, the more difficult it becomes to get a bid to a sorority-especially the most sought after chapters.

You post led me to believe that you DID have some invitations to pref. Is that true?

And THIS.

Difficult to offer any advice/suggestions. Seems from what you've posted that you are not getting what you want, and there's not much to say about that.

I am a freshman! Sorry should've mentioned that. What I meant by constantly being disappointed is I just keeping getting my hopes up. Chapters invited me to coffee dates, which I went to but I still haven't heard back from the chapters. I don't know anyone else's COB experience and was wondering if this is typical.

[FSUZeta]

Keri, the chapters you visited might have only had one or two vacant spots. Most of the time the chapters don’t notify you that they decided not to offer you a bid. If it has been several weeks since your coffee dates and you have still heard nothing, they might have offered bids to other girls.

Down south where rush happens in August, new members are already getting initiated or are nearing initiation. If you are in the south this might be why you have not heard anything.

As you can see, these are just 2 of several reasons why you have not been contacted. I understand not wanting to put yourself in the position of disappointment. You need to decide if the risk outweighs the potential reward. Only you can make that decision. While you are contemplating your options, reflect on your rush experience. Is there anything that you could improve on or change for the next rush? Would recommendations help? Do you have similar taste in style to the girls in the sororities and in your PNM group? How will your college GPA be? Have you joined a campus org? Have you donated your talents to a local charity? Have you made friends with any sorority members? Have you readjusted your expectations? Are you limiting your sorority choices or are you now open to more chapters? Analyzing your answers to these questions might lead you to the answer you are seeking.

The house I specifically wanted had 10 spots now 8 spots open, I have multiple friends in the sorority and there’s about 3-5 chapters doing COB that I would love to join. I have a relatively high gpa as well as multiple recommendations and school activities and positions that I was involved in.

[anongreek]

Originally Posted by keri12

The house I specifically wanted had 10 spots now 8 spots open, I have multiple friends in the sorority and there’s about 3-5 chapters doing COB that I would love to join. I have a relatively high gpa as well as multiple recommendations and school activities and positions that I was involved in.

My only advice: don't give up. Participate in COB. See what happens. I understand the risk of disappointment, but there's a greater disappointment that comes with not trying at all. In the wise words of A Cinderella Story "don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." To remove all risk is to remove all excitement.

HAVE FAITH AND SWALLOW THE FEAR OF DISAPPOINTMENT.

[Theta1234]

Hey Keri, I am so sorry that you are hurting. Hindsight is 20/20, so please don't kick yourself for anything that may/may not have happened in the past.

All of the other posters are spot on. You don't know what is happening behind the scenes. Perhaps the girls really do love you--but there is just someone else that has more connections. Connections are key. Get to know more people. Go out on coffee dates. Create study groups. Don't give up on recruitment.

Sometimes, it is hard to know what to say and what not to say. The groups need to know that you are VERY interested, but you can't appear desperate. This is where it helps if you have an advocate. That can come in the form of several girls in the chapter who are super vocal and fight for you--campaign to all the girls they know on your behalf. It can also come in the form of an alum who directly contacts the chapter on your behalf. I am sure you had recs before recruitment. Here is a little secret for some groups. People can submit recs at any time and they go the rec chair at the house. If you personally know an alum for the groups you are interested in, have them send a note (or fill out an official rec) to the house. They can say things that you cannot--like that you really LOVE this chapter. This really only works with someone who knows you. So, if you are interested in trying COB--or even fall recruitment next year--start working your contacts. Find women you know and have them go ahead and prepare a rec. I can't guarantee this will help, but it can't hurt.

Best wishes for the future.

P.S. It is really poor form not to attend pref. Think about it from the perspective of the ladies of that house. They have shined everything. They have practiced and they probably did something very specific for you--wrote a note, created a gift, etc. You didn't have to accept their offer of sisterhood, but by not attending their pref. ceremony, you essentially spat in their face. Can you imagine the sister who was assigned to you, that did all of the work that morning and was waiting for you at the door to the house only to find herself alone at the party? She was putting her best foot forward and you blew her off. I know you were probably really disappointed on that day when you lost your favorites. You were hurt. However, our hearts also break for the girls to work so hard to create a beautiful pref experience and then have PNMs refuse to come to their home. That's why some here get a little harsh to those who don't attend pref. I wish you the very best for the future and hope that one day you can attend a pref party and see all the work that is done for each special PNM.

[anongreek]

Originally Posted by Theta1234

Hey Keri, I am so sorry that you are hurting. Hindsight is 20/20, so please don't kick yourself for anything that may/may not have happened in the past.

All of the other posters are spot on. You don't know what is happening behind the scenes. Perhaps the girls really do love you--but there is just someone else that has more connections. Connections are key. Get to know more people. Go out on coffee dates. Create study groups. Don't give up on recruitment.

Sometimes, it is hard to know what to say and what not to say. The groups need to know that you are VERY interested, but you can't appear desperate. This is where it helps if you have an advocate. That can come in the form of several girls in the chapter who are super vocal and fight for you--campaign to all the girls they know on your behalf. It can also come in the form of an alum who directly contacts the chapter on your behalf. I am sure you had recs before recruitment. Here is a little secret for some groups. People can submit recs at any time and they go the rec chair at the house. If you personally know an alum for the groups you are interested in, have them send a note (or fill out an official rec) to the house. They can say things that you cannot--like that you really LOVE this chapter. This really only works with someone who knows you. So, if you are interested in trying COB--or even fall recruitment next year--start working your contacts. Find women you know and have them go ahead and prepare a rec. I can't guarantee this will help, but it can't hurt.

Best wishes for the future.

P.S. It is really poor form not to attend pref. Think about it from the perspective of the ladies of that house. They have shined everything. They have practiced and they probably did something very specific for you--wrote a note, created a gift, etc. You didn't have to accept their offer of sisterhood, but by not attending their pref. ceremony, you essentially spat in their face. Can you imagine the sister who was assigned to you, that did all of the work that morning and was waiting for you at the door to the house only to find herself alone at the party? She was putting her best foot forward and you blew her off. I know you were probably really disappointed on that day when you lost your favorites. You were hurt. However, our hearts also break for the girls to work so hard to create a beautiful pref experience and then have PNMs refuse to come to their home. That's why some here get a little harsh to those who don't attend pref. I wish you the very best for the future and hope that one day you can attend a pref party and see all the work that is done for each special PNM.

Beautifully said Theta1234.

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by keri12

The house I specifically wanted had 10 spots now 8 spots open, I have multiple friends in the sorority and there’s about 3-5 chapters doing COB that I would love to join. I have a relatively high gpa as well as multiple recommendations and school activities and positions that I was involved in.

If they have 8 remaining spots and you have multiple friends in the chapter and have not heard back from them in weeks, that ship might have sailed at this time. As Theta1234 said, none of us know what is going on behind the scenes. Your desired chapter might've decided to wait until next semester to fill those spots. Do they have a house? Maybe your friends can invite you over for lunch or dinner a few times this semester so you can meet more women and stay connected.

You are now in college. You will have to rely on your college GPA, activities/clubs, philanthropic efforts, etc, so if you haven't gotten involved on campus, now's the time. It might be benificial to join an organization with a high percentage of sorority women. Getting to know you in a more informal way and getting to see your talents and how well you work in a group may be just the insight they need to become your advocate.

[OldFLDDD]

Originally Posted by Theta1234

Hey Keri, I am so sorry that you are hurting. Hindsight is 20/20, so please don't kick yourself for anything that may/may not have happened in the past.

All of the other posters are spot on. You don't know what is happening behind the scenes. Perhaps the girls really do love you--but there is just someone else that has more connections. Connections are key. Get to know more people. Go out on coffee dates. Create study groups. Don't give up on recruitment.

Sometimes, it is hard to know what to say and what not to say. The groups need to know that you are VERY interested, but you can't appear desperate. This is where it helps if you have an advocate. That can come in the form of several girls in the chapter who are super vocal and fight for you--campaign to all the girls they know on your behalf. It can also come in the form of an alum who directly contacts the chapter on your behalf. I am sure you had recs before recruitment. Here is a little secret for some groups. People can submit recs at any time and they go the rec chair at the house. If you personally know an alum for the groups you are interested in, have them send a note (or fill out an official rec) to the house. They can say things that you cannot--like that you really LOVE this chapter. This really only works with someone who knows you. So, if you are interested in trying COB--or even fall recruitment next year--start working your contacts. Find women you know and have them go ahead and prepare a rec. I can't guarantee this will help, but it can't hurt.

Best wishes for the future.

P.S. It is really poor form not to attend pref. Think about it from the perspective of the ladies of that house. They have shined everything. They have practiced and they probably did something very specific for you--wrote a note, created a gift, etc. You didn't have to accept their offer of sisterhood, but by not attending their pref. ceremony, you essentially spat in their face. Can you imagine the sister who was assigned to you, that did all of the work that morning and was waiting for you at the door to the house only to find herself alone at the party? She was putting her best foot forward and you blew her off. I know you were probably really disappointed on that day when you lost your favorites. You were hurt. However, our hearts also break for the girls to work so hard to create a beautiful pref experience and then have PNMs refuse to come to their home. That's why some here get a little harsh to those who don't attend pref. I wish you the very best for the future and hope that one day you can attend a pref party and see all the work that is done for each special PNM.

Also agree with this. Hurt and rejection is found on both sides of recruitment. These girls saw something in you and by extending an invite to Pref, had you somewhere on their Bid List. If COB is still going on at your campus, I wish you the best, but for the future, and for girls reading this who are yet to embark on recruitment, you need to decide if you want to be Greek or if you only want to be in a certain house. ALL houses have the same functions, activities and the opportunity to experience sisterhood. ALL. So many girls sell themselves short by only wanting a particular house or group of houses and ultimately miss out on a Greek experience.

[SigmaCat]

Originally Posted by OldFLDDD

...for girls reading this who are yet to embark on recruitment, you need to decide if you want to be Greek or if you only want to be in a certain house. ALL houses have the same functions, activities and the opportunity to experience sisterhood. ALL. So many girls sell themselves short by only wanting a particular house or group of houses and ultimately miss out on a Greek experience.

This is the bottom line. I know that most people rush assuming that the rules won't apply to them, but everybody really should enter the process assuming that their first formal rush is their best (and maybe only) shot at going Greek.



Sometimes I think some sort of campus-based rush boot camp afternoon would help more people show up prepared, whether it's recs, communication skills, managing expectations, or whatever.